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My beloved just HATES my kids! How do I get him to lighten up?
Married Life / 7:13 PM - Sunday August 09, 2009

My beloved just HATES my kids! How do I get him to lighten up?

My beloved just HATES my kids! These aren't bad kids - they don't do drugs, they stay in school, they go to church, and nobody else views them as juvenile delinquents. My husband absolutely, irrationally despises them.

Is there anything I can do to persuade him to lighten up? Again, if these teenagers were problems for society I might understand, but they are just here and breathing air and it pisses him off.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Explain to him (kindly) that he is on the road to totally estranging himself from you if he keeps up this attitude. A mother is going to be devoted to her children, so maybe he is acting a little bit like a petulanet spoiled sibling here instead of an adult male step-father?

Also be honest with your interactions. Do you accord your husband his rights in terms of working with him as a partner in the rules of the house?

- Response by feralberyl, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Columbus, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

Maybe he thinks their breathing to much air? Tell them to pace themselves, lol???

- Response by loseing, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I really hate to hear that. After my father died when I was 4 yrs old, I had 5 stepfathers. All of them hated me and I was a good kid, church, yes and no sir, helped with chores around the house. It eventually built a bridge between my mother and myself....Neither your children nor your husband have to justify their feelings, but you do have to acknowledge that they are their feelings and are therefore valid to them.

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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I can't understand how someone who hates my child could also be my "beloved". If what you say it true...that your children are decent, responsible, respectful, "normal" kids then your husband just isn't designed to have children in his life and/or he has some serious mental issues.

No, there is nothing you can do to make him "lighten up" if he doesn't even want your children to breathe air. WOW Read your post a few more times and ask yourself if your focus is in the right place.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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He's jealous of them; the time you give them. He wants you exclusively - he wouldn't care if they were made out of gold and almost statues; he will despise anything that he feels will come between you and himself.

This is NOT someone you want to marry...for sure! He's jealous and irrational.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Why are you in love with, and making plans with, someone who HATES your kids? That's a bigger question than why he hates them, or how you can change his mind.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Are these HIS children? If they aren't, he is a creep! If they are, he is an even bigger creep! Why the hell don't you get some sense and get away from him??? Kids have enough problems in this world, without adding this jerk to their lives.

- Response by seajaih, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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In many species (lions, for example) the new male kills all the offspring the female had with the previous male. It clears room in her life for HIS offspring.

The instinctive male behavior is little recognized in humans, but it doesn't make mom's latest man any friend of her prior pride.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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I presume they are not "his" kids so he's suffering from the "tomcat" syndrome; that instinct to kill any offspring that aren't his. No matter how he treats you, how he treats your children are of primary importance. If you can't get him to counseling, run and run like hell for the sake of your children. They will suffer the rest of their lives from the negative influence he has exerted on them. I know of two examples of families where step children were mentally warped by their step parent. No man is worth that. Good luck.

- Response by puddin66, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Does he really hate your kids or not love them as much as you do? I had this same concern with my children and husband. I have learned to accept that he cannot love them the way I do. He is respectful to them and provides indirectly for their care and answers their questions etc.
Now if your "beloved" is rude and nasty to them this is a whole different story. I would definatley have a heart to heart with him about your concerns and get it all out on the table, because the kids will resent you if you allow them to be mis-treated by your spouse.

- Response by seashiner, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Do you allow your husband to discipline your kids? Is he actively involved in their personal, school, extracurricular activities? Why don't you ask your husband why he despises your kids. Maybe he feels they take too much of your attention. Make sure you are spending quality time with your hubby.Make sure your kids respect your husband.

- Response by sexylady27, An Engaged Girl, Female, 36-45, Food Service

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