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Is asking for a break from the relationship ok?
Dating / 6:29 AM - Saturday August 01, 2009

Is asking for a break from the relationship ok?

I am 20 years old and have been dating the same man (age 26) for almost three years. Emotionally, he is a dream, we are best friends and we have the same hobbies. Physically, I find myself losing my attraction for him because he does not compliment me or make me feel sexy anymore. (I have brought it up to him, he says that sex fades in all relationships.) We have only had sex once in the last 3 weeks, although one week I was on the rag.

I cheated on my boyfriend about a year ago because I wanted a night of passionate sex. I have not cheated again, but I find my mind wandering and I feel restless. I am an attractive woman and I feel like I should be treated like one. (I told him about the affair, and he forgave me. Our sex life picked up for about two months and descended again.)

He recently brought up the idea of moving in together, which initially I was excited about and now I am worried.

I have been thinking lately that he and I should take a break from our relationship. The thought of losing my best friend scares me, but the thought of staying in a relationship where I don't feel attractive also bothers me. I think some space will allow me to figure out what I really want, what sacrifices I am willing to make, and also cause him to think about our relationship.

If you are a woman, do you think I have a right to ask for a break? If you are a man, would you respect your woman if she said she needed time away from the relationship to make sure its what she wanted?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student

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I know it's anonymous on here and everything, but did you REALLY have to share about the rag?

I mean, I'm a woman, I get you but even I find it gross

you are supposed to be discussing a relationship - romantic stuff.

Do you want me to talk about changing my kids poohie nappies as I descrfibe my day? Of course not!

A little more descretion, pls?
won't hurt, Honestly!

- Response by rubyrednotdead, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Yes, as a person in general, you have every right to ask for a break. But during that break, he may just find someone else, or he may realize he doesn't want you back. So it's a risk you have to be willing to take.

- Response by trueseeker82, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Oh of course you have the right and that is exactly what you should do, I think. He has told you that sex fades in all relationships but I think that not at your age. By no means. Imagine when you live with him it will become worst. Take a break and have him reconcile his thoughts about it and also it can give you time to think and then decide. I wish you the best of luck. Remember do not settle for less than what you heart desires.

- Response by rosybarreto, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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I think regardless of whether you are a guy or girl, when the other person says "we need a break," the first assumption is that you were already fooling around with someone else or found someone else. So if a woman said that to me, I'd dump her immediately.

There's never any need to "take a break." You either KNOW you're not interested or you DON'T. And if you're not sure, figure it out. If you're not interested, then just break up and show the other person a little respect.

- Response by istillhatescreennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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If someone considers a break, it's already broken. Make a clean cut and move on. It won't get any better.

- Response by fly404high, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Frankfurt, Other Profession

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Hi im also 20yrs old and im also dating an older guy he is gona turn 30. Well i understand where your coming from cuz i also cheated on my boyfriend. I think that taking a break could help your relationship or destroy it. Suppose you take that break and you decide you really love him and want to make things work and you tell him. But he tells you that while taking the break he realized it aint going to work out. Or it can go the other way you take the break and he realizes that he messed up and he really loves you and wants you to be happy so he becomes more affectionist and more considerate towards you. I cant make your desicion for you all i can tell you is that i stuck through it cuz i reaaly love him and things are working out. I also wanted to take a break but i chose not to cuz i couldnt picture the fact of i might loose him. The best advice i can tell you is listen to your heart. YOUR HEART NEVER LIES!!!!!

- Response by guillerminafield33, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Chicago

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If you are unhappy because of lack of sex then either you are not communicating that to him or he is not listening, or both. You need to raise the issue and make it perfectly clear that you take it very seriously and it is integral to your continuing happiness in this relationship. If he cares about you then you will be able to work something out. If he still does not take it seriously then ask for couples counseling. If he still doesn't get the message then the relationship is over.

Trying to address a problem by taking time off from it is not going to accomplish anything. You will simply come back and find the problem waiting for you in the same way you left it.

I would also strongly advise you not indulge any "restless" urge to cheat on him again if you have even the slightest desire to save this relationship, let alone a friendship with him.

- Response by funkymustafa, A Guy Critical, Male, 26-28, Boston, Military

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