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Active Questions

Why is so important to be married before having a child?
Family & Parenting / 4:50 PM - Tuesday July 28, 2009

Why is so important to be married before having a child?

I just don't get it. I know many people, including members of my own family, who have had kids before even considering marriage. In today's age, I really don't think a person needs to be on paper married anymore. common law marriages state that once you've lived together for 6 months to two years (depending on your province/state) or you have a child together while living or share big purchases, such as a house or care.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not mocking the sanctity of marriage, what I am saying is that you don't necessarily need to "be" married to live happily as a couple of have kids.

I for one want to married before having a baby, but if it happens before that time, then so be it.


Update: July 28, 2009.
marriage isn't all that secure...divorce can cause one party to not only lose that child, but all their assets as well. As well, in Canada, if your common law married, if you split, half of what you own could be yours anyway. That legal document doesn't suit everybody, and some are happy that way.

Update: July 28, 2009.
I wasn't talking "baby's momma's or daddy's" I was talking about couples who have been together, love each other, and everything like that....but just don't have the desire to get married...or, omg, a mistake happens and they bring a child into the world. Many of my cousins did it and are happy, or are now married to their s/o...

- Asked by fanny500, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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I think its funny that some of these people talk like having a child after they are wed will ensure a safe and easy life for the child. I wasn't married when I had my kids. I married their father later. But I wasn't going to marry a man simply because i Acciedntly got pregnant (I was on birth Control both times I got pregnant). I've seen that road and it is littered with divorce. Me and my husband married after our children were born and we are happy. I had friends who married because they got pregnant and it didn't work out. I've had friends and family who got married then got pregnant and had babies and they divorced too. Sometimes it happens when it happens.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Hi Fanny....

My husband and I have been together for over 12 years. He proposed to me on 08/08/98, we had our daughter in 2000 and married in 2002.

If you're meant to be together and you have made that commitment in your heart, then I think it doesn't really matter in what order you do things....

- Response by sweetnovember, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Executive

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I agree, my fiance and I share a 2 year old, we are perfectly happy, we are raising our son in a stable environment with 2 very supportive parents...
And although we are 'engaged' we dont plan to actually tie the knot for a while.. a long while. and honestly, the only reason i see getting married to him at tthis point neccessary, is to have the same last name as my son.
and actually, the only reason we got engaged is because it feels weird calling someone with whom you share a house, bills, kids.. your boyfriend/ girlfriend, and its not socially acceptable.
Fiance just sounds better.

- Response by brisbay, A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Administrative

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I take it you don't watch Judge Judy. ;p Mostly for legal reasons. "The family that gives a shit enough to be a family instead of a baby daddy/baby momma causes a whole lot less problems and have 'legal' rights.

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Personally for me, I don't think having an illegitimate bastard child is socially acceptable.

I do not think having kids out of wedlock is a good idea.

But that's just from the old hag with a pine tree up my ass.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Because some people in this country (mainly for religious reasons it seems) can't understand that two people can be in a loving, monogamous and devoted relationship UNLESS they are married. My parents had me and my brother before they were married. They only got married when they were pregnant with their third child (Pressure from the family. My mom to this day doesn't understand WHY two people have to be married). Tehy now have 5 children and are still married. All my siblings got good grades and went to college and have good jobs.

I even got hate mail from an anon lady on here who said my parents will burn in hell for having bastard children and that it doesn't matter that they got married later, we're all still doomed because of their "sins". What a nut job! LOL.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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My friend's daughter had her child before she married her fiance. They are perfectly fine and I'm happy things worked out for them.

Those situations don't always work out for the better. Many people end up as single mothers struggling to make ends meet and provide for their children. Even if you're in a good relationship you have no idea what will happen in the future. It's also true that if you marry, you may divorce or something may happen to your husband which would leave you a widow to take care of the family.

Personally, I have made a promise to myself that no child will be born without being in a strong marriage. If it happens accidentally then I'll deal with the cards life has given me, but that is not something I will ever strive for. I too have cousins who have had children without marrying the father and they are struggling partially because they decided to have sex with deadbeats and they don't believe in abortion. Marriage isn't a piece of paper to me and children out of wedlock should be avoided if humanly possible.

That's just how I was raised (by two parents who are still married).

- Response by trufflet, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Because I said so. It just is.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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To be blantaly honest and according to a recent report. MOTHER'S IN THE STATES CAN STAY SINGLE and live better than a married couple.

Many stay home and draw a check for herself and the children. low income housing, food stamps, free medical. Then when kids are of school age, welfare will put pressure on mom to get a job, so she works say 1 or 2 days a week, and is rewarded for free after school day care and days she's not working. looking for full time ya know. The entire summer is spent in day care. She pays no taxes,

then qualifies for earned income "refund" for thousands of dollars each year. In some cases daddy, also lives w/family {of course this isnt reported} and he works full time, lives rent and food free.before all these hand-outs only movie stars and rich could afford to be single parents.

if you get married, you lose out on the perks.I knew one single mother of 2 who was receiving all the above and referred to the 2 as her little perks.

She put the first 3 up for adoption, then at 40, she found a free living by becoming a single mom..

Billions a year in tax dollars are spent on single parent families in America, dad, lives there and court orders child support. [it has to be paid with money order.]

it's common for mom to give dad money back, as he provides the car and pays for the ISP. mom also geta a basic phone for free. This kind of living is becoming rampant.

I read before all these hand-outs,and the ACLU the fear of getting pregnant without a husband was tremendous. Some judges even threatened to cut welfare, if they conceived out of wedlock again. some use fertility pills to have as many as possible sans hubby of course. Remember octo mom.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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