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How long do I wait for him to propose?
Dating / 4:09 PM - Tuesday July 28, 2009

How long do I wait for him to propose?

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years, and have been living with him for almost 9 months. I'm almost 25, he's 27. His reasoning for not proposing yet is that he wants to get everything done to the house before spending the money on a ring. I feel like working on a house is a forever project, and making a commitment doesn't cost a fortune. Answers?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Didn't your momma ever tell you "Why would a man buy the cow if the milk was free?"

- Response by batman1017, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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You should have had the wedding date set before moving in.

Move out.

Do not move back in until you have a wedding ring on your finger.

There is no point in your guy marrying you. He is currently getting all the benefits for free.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

if you want him propose, then make him WANT to propose. you cant just tell a man, we've been together X amount of time, you have to get married. NO.

if he hasnt proposed yet, he isnt happy enough to say to himself DAMN i want to marry this girl. if you quit complaining, nagging and bothering him with it, and concentrate on making HIM happy, instead of what he needs to do to make YOU happy, THEN he will propose without you having to nag him.

dont bring it up anymore, just make him happy and he will do it on his own. you keep pestering him, he will string you along until he is fed up and then he will dump you.

- Response by weekendbrew, A Jock, Male, 29-35, Miami, Technical

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Another proof that a woman thinks moving in is the first step to marriage. Why should he marry you when he has the fake wife? There is always something before a ring when a man doesn't want to propose.. Move out and tell him you want to be a wife not a fake wife. If he has no intentions,,learn it now. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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It took my man three years of going out (one and a half of living together) before he proposed. And that was after I basically told him I wanted a ring for our three-year anniversary. He proposed that day and took me ring shopping. I would say your man is holding out because he's scared. I say you should tell him you're considering moving out because the relationship is not progressing as you want it to, and after three years YOU'RE certain you want to marry HIM, and he doesn't seem to feel the same. If he lets you go, don't ever see him again. IF he truly loves you, he'll have a ring or at LEAST propose and then let you go ring shopping. ;-)

- Response by helayna, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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In general, most people plan the wedding and marriage first. That is your sole foundation. Then you build the house as a partnership. The rule of thumb is at the 2 year mark you should be either married or planning it. You however hindered those plans when you moved in together. Now he has the act of your living together without the marriage. Because of that he doesn't see marriage as a #1 thing but maybe #2. If you really want him to marry you first and then work on the house you have to express to him in a creative way that marriage is #1 to you. Use family and friends to reenforce your feelings by dropping hints everyday if you have to. Sometimes men think differently then women and you have to wake him up, he is comfortable with the current arrangement and afraid of rocking the boat with the ring thing. If he really cares enough he will get the hint and rethink things. If not then its time to think about moving on.

- Response by emeraldrain, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Alternative Medicine

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Most of you women are simply just space cadets. If I said to you that you had to be a janitor for the rest of your life, would you? Asking or pressuring someone to marry you is pretty much the same thing. If this is what you are doing, than I think you already know he isn't in love with you and never will be, so for f-sakes move on. Think twice before ever mentioning marriage, and know in your heart that you are doing it for the right reasons also, not just because that is what you think the next step in life is. In reality, it really isn't. If two people connect in a magical way, you wouldn't be asking this question, because there would be no doubt in his mind and yours. Marriage isn't just a thing you do, it's what will inevitably determine whether or not you will live a happy life. Wake up ladies, it's time to start thinking with your hearts, instead of societies view of how a woman's life should be lived. Just to give you an example, go onto facebook and check every woman's facebook profile pic. There are 4 stages to every woman's life based on these pics. Stage #1 - The best & most attractive pic of themselves (single). Stage #2 - Pic of themselves with their new boyfriend. Stage #3 - A wedding picture. Stage #4 - A pic of the birth of their child. Don't follow the crowd, just be yourself, people & men in particular will like you more.

- Response by thecorrectanswer, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Toronto

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- Response by A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Medical / Dental

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I told my husband flat out after we had been dating for awhile that I had no intention of getting engaged 2 years later. We got engaged a few months later. Maybe he feels that you are willing to wait. If you are not wanting to wait any longer tell him. Men can be blind to hints sometimes. I think that maybe y'all should have a talk about how you feel and see how he responds. Tell him that it is not that you are going to leave him or anything but that you feel like it is never going to happen because he keeps putting it off. Hope it all works out. :)

- Response by momi2be2009, A Married Girl, Female, 22-25

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Longevity has NOTHING to do with proposing. Marriage is a very big step and HUGE sacrifices must be made long before you or anyone else can even begin to entertain the IDEAL of marriage.
If you want him to propose faster then instead of complaining about having to wait, HELP him work on getting the HOUSE faster. The man seems to be laying the ground work and building a foundation for your marriage to be built on. In case you didn't know money problems are among one of the leading causes of divorce so he is absolutely right to get his ducks in a row before taking on such a huge responsibility like marriage. A wise woman would be helping him not nagging about how long it's taking.

- Response by 1man4commonsense, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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What does he mean by "get everything done"? Is he planning to redo the whole house? And what happens after all that is taken care of? Will there be any money left to buy a ring?

Is it his house? Did you buy it together?

- Response by fender, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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Sounds like he's not ready for commitment. If he was ready, he would have proposed without setting a date.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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Even as a man from the "old school", it seems to me that waiting for a man to propose marriage is like waiting for a man to "let" a woman be on top. What makes you think that a proposal and a ring equals "commitment" to a man the same way it means to a woman? If I were a woman, I would take a house, finished or not, over a ring any day and if I wanted to be married I would ask him to marry me and give him a "token" of my love.

- Response by wiserman, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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three years? I am not sure you gonna get a proposal now....I figure six months to two years is about right....after that well it is unlikely you are getting a proposal...especially if you are living together all ready....because well you are acting like husband and wife all ready.

why do you need some title? you have the relationship all ready. why do you need to cause stress over a word and a piece of paper? it is the relationship that is important. work on that.... if it is really bugging you then sit down with him and make a defined list...and then help him to do thouse project...instead of leaving him on his own to do them like so many women do. LIVING TOGETHER IS A COMMITMENT. he is not out screwing some hussie on the side is he? he is comming home and sleeping with YOU.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Transportation

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don't pressure him. and you're still young.

take things easy, getting married is a huge step.
another 3 years would do i think.

- Response by vanilla77, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, New York, Administrative

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I guess it depends on what kind of ring you want, and how much you want things done to your home. Is the home in both names? If so, you both have a vested interest. Do you want a simple solitare, or do you require a large ring that costs a fortune? If you want to have the ring to show your commitment, maybe telling him this info would help. But also, expensive rings could delay this.

- Response by sexyredhead27, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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Three more years would be about right.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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And what's wrong with that? My cousin and her hubby were together for 7 years before marrying. they lived together and renovated a house, etc.. Then they decided to have children, so they got married.

Don't fret. But if it bothers you THAT much, then I guess you know what you need to do.


- Response by fanny500, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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