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Would you marry someone who's already been married twice?
Married Life / 11:50 AM - Sunday July 26, 2009

Would you marry someone who's already been married twice?

that's my question.

- Asked by secilia, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Athens, Body Work

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The last time I offered, she dumped me. Two trainwrecks is enough for some people, I guess.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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Nope..llz..

- Response by playaarrow, A Player, Male, 29-35, Toronto, Science / Engineering

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My last gf had been married two times. In 'theory' I would have married her... problem is, she never would get her 'emotional crap' together. She liked to break up every couple of weeks over nothing. Then she liked to wonder why I hadn't moved her back in (we lived together for a short time, but she kept moving out lol)... or even better, why oh why hasn't he proposed? Thing is... I would have, if she could have acted like she was going to honor her marriage vows.

People do learn from their mistakes sometimes, so I could honestly say I might marry a woman who has been divorced twice. BUT... like anyone I thought I might marry, they gotta show me they'll take the marriage seriously.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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It completely depends on our relationship, level of commitment, age and length of the past marriages and reason for outcome... knowing full well there are ALWAYS two sides to every story!
I's so funny how you always meet the Men who have been victims of these cheating spouses- and you never seem to meet the guilty adulterer?
They always have an excuse- and it's never their fault- knowing full well it is usually BOTH parties fault.
Stop and think- does it really make a difference if your possible future spouse was married twice and divorced, or would you prefer he/she had lived with 6 different partners- years at a time, had children out of wedlock by a number of them, and NEVER made the commitment to marry any of them?
So many people jump from bed to bed and play house and even have kids without making comittment

- Response by momharleyxl, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Me? No. Then again, I won't be getting married anyway. ;)

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I'd never marry anyone, ever. That's my answer.

- Response by mare65, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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No I wouldn't.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If I was the type to get married it wouldn't bother me.........

- Response by spadeace, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You can't judge people on what you know about them. You have to find out for yourself who they are and what they are about. If you knew the background on his marriages and what happened to make them fail, YOU could be the right person to make it work with him.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Yes. It's not right to judge people because of their past experiences. I would make sure the marriage was for real and not just a fling though. The past marriages could have taught that person and hopefully they learned from their past and it won't repeat itself and end in divorce again.

- Response by drphilsucks1, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Salt Lake City

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depends on the reasons they got divorced. if they ended in adultery (and they weren't the offending member) then i'd consider it.

at least they have shown they are willing to be in a marriage and long term relationship. they can commit. they are obviously attractive to two people in this world. :)

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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I don't want to get married at all, but people learn from their mistakes, and many third marriages work out, so that wouldn't really be a deterrent.

- Response by myowntwofeet, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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Yes. As they say, third time a charm.

- Response by MaryAnne, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Regina, Managerial

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Right now? HELL no. Ask me later.

- Response by king313, An Engaged Guy, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Who Cares?

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Have they been divorced yet?

- Response by lom2009, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55

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No, the odds are geometric each time someone gets divorced. Strike 3 and your out. No way. I would think that they give up to easily; if she can divorce you twice what's to say that she won't do it again? I don't want to have anything to do with a woman like that.

- Response by ereculus, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Boston, Other Profession

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Hmmm. I was legally married the first time around, and a few years later I moved in with someone and lived with him for 5 years, and I'm on my second official marriage. You do the math!

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Honestly, I don't think I would.

- Response by beantownchica34, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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I am Mrs. #3.

First one cheated on him with his business partner, 2nd one cheated on him with the enitre pilot fleet of the airline she worked for...

If he has enough trust left in marriage and in us to ask then I have enough trust in us to agree... I have been married once before for 24 years...

- Response by siouxzen, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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People that marry more than twice , have a problem with commitment.

- Response by thewiselady2004, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Probably not.

- Response by A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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Hehe, and: "The best predictor for future behavior, is past behavior".

- Response by A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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I used to quietly judge people who were married and divorced twice. Like, what where they thinking, etc., etc. I was married the first time for 8 years and my husband was a substance abuser who could not get it together. I did'nt want to get married again. Eight years later, a guy came in and swept me off my feet. Great job, wealthy, beautiful home, talked a good talk. We dated for 1 1/2 years before I married him. All was well when dating. Shortly after we got married he would turn the heat and hot water off on me and my daugther, call us retards, not allow us to have friends or family over and the list goes on and on. I walked out when he picked up our cat and hurled him at me because I had invited my best friend over for coffee and he did not want anyone in the house but me. I packed our stuff up and took our two cats never to return. So, you can't judge. I learned that. Would I get married again, probably not. However, I do know first hand that you should not judge, it can and does happen. I don't tell most people about the horrors of my 2nd marriage because it's so personal. So I do know that I am being judged as someone who can't "make a committment". It's personal though and only my close friends and family know what happened to us. I no longer judge anyone. You have to stand in a persons shoes to truly know their story.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Id be wondering why it didnt work out the first 2 times for sure.
If the other pasted away then that speaks for its self.
However if persons divorced Id be inqusitive and would wonder about emotional baggage and what could follow into our relationship so id differently think alot on his reponses.
Depending on what was said etc.
If we were very compatable and had known each other for quiet sometime (years). I would concider marrying.....
As the saying goes 3rd time lucky .. LOL

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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Yes, as I have been married 3 previous times my wife had been married 2 times before we were wed in Mar 08.... finally got it right both of us

- Response by swabjockey52, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Technical

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Probably not. I am thinking 2 times, there is something wrong with that person.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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yep... If I loved him

- Response by nicolegillenwater, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I don't plan to marry anyone period.

- Response by newdad, A Jock, Male, 36-45, Las Vegas, Transportation

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Someone you starred suggested that I basically should be impressed by the fact they 'made the commitment'. Frankly I couldnt care less if they can 'make the commitment'... I want to know they can "live up to the commitments they make". Every case is different of course, but someone who has been divorced twice most likely can't live up to the commitments they make. The easiest way to tell is who filled for divorce, if they did, then obviously most likely they are not worthy of making that kind of commitment to.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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It really depends on whether the person has worked through any issues they may have had after their divorces and whether the marriage would really survive...there are some people that will continue to marry because they don't want to be alone and some that will continue because they think that's what they have to do and then some that don't want to marry ever again because they think that any/all marriages will end in divorce...its really most about how stable the person is and whether or not the person has learned from the first two marriages...and whether or not I am 'ready' too...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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depends how the marriages ended.

also depends how much self development the person had done since the last divorce.

- Response by js800, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Chicago, Student

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If a woman loves me she won't demand access to my money, assets, retirement accounts, everything, or they walk out the door. The moment an unreasonable demand like this is issued I know they aren't worthy to spend the rest of my life with.

A woman being married 5 times or none doesn't change the fundamental truth that requiring a marriage contract (when kids aren't involved) proves a woman isn't with me out of love.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Probably not. That sort of track record is problematic. I would suspect that the person wasn't really serious about the commitment.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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Only if one or both of them had not ended in a divorce...
I would have problem marrying a woman who'd been widowed, depending on how recently of course.

But to marry a woman twice DIVORCED, NO WAY...
That's the definition of INSANITY - doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. STUPID is when you know better and do it anyway.



- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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oh, Lord.......i dont think i am ready for marriage...been there, done that and wore the t-shirt.....5 years, 23 years, 14 years, 7 years......marriage takes work. and marriage should not take work....you are either connected or not...and if not, run fast........

- Response by knoxgal41, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Nope, probably not..as the intellectual guy said...my last gf of 4 years kept wanting to run away and/or break up almost every week over some little thing as usual..then she wonder why i was eying and chatting with other girls, though I didn't cheat.

She accused me of cheating even if I said hi to the checkout girls in Target or some other store..give me a break. No man needs to put up with that shit nor should he have to.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Sure. Frankly, if everyone looked at the person they were marrying as theyd been married multiple times marriages there just might be less multiple marriages. Peace. :)

- Response by mortaune, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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probaby....depends on my history with them.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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that's an easy question. No, they have something they need to work on and I'm not going to stay around and be the third person they divorce.

- Response by angel84, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Student

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Yes if I was in love with him. Hell I might be the solution. And if not at least I went for it. Heee.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Houston, Other Profession

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Yes, I would and have to the guy I am currently married to but here's something to consider. It takes two to marry and stay married, obviously. On the other hand it only takes one to walk away. If you are considering a twice married guy, do not assume he was guilty of both marriages failing. However, you can fault him for making poor choices both times. It is a mistake to rush into marriage. Take the time to get to know each other and find out if your deepest values are closely aligned because you will find that marriage takes alot of work and it will be nearly impossible to not only make it work but have a satisfying relationship if you don't agree on pertinent life issues. Too many people take marriage for granted and the majority don't work out because in the back of their minds divorce was an option.

It is important to find out if he was the one dumped or the one who did the dirty deed and for what reason? Because, only if he was the one who left both times would I be wary. If he left both his ex's, then that reveals his commitment level to you.

It is a good question, but that tells me you don't know him well enough to make that decision.

- Response by Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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