Back to Home

Active Questions

My friend is ignoring me - what should I do?
Friendship / 3:52 PM - Friday July 24, 2009

My friend is ignoring me - what should I do?

Sorry this is long, but I'd appreciate your opinions!

I have been friends with this girl for a few years but a few weeks ago when a group of us went on a day trip, she suddenly went moody (she was ok and cheerful for a couple of hours) and wouldn't talk to any of us. She kind of ruined the day for us, because she would sit there in complete silence with a face like thunder and whenever we asked her 'what's wrong' she just kept saying 'nothing'.

Next day I texted her saying 'hope you're alright', etc. Never heard back from her. So I then called her but she didn't pick up.

I thought I'd give her a space for a week or so. But now it's been three weeks since the day trip and she's clearly ignoring me, because I know that she's talking to other people. I texted her yesterday, nothing. So I called her today and it rang but went to voicemail again.

What do you think I should do? Keep calling her until she picks up or do I just conclude that she doesn't want anything to do with me for whatever reason and move on??? I mean friendship is a two way thing, why should I have to do all the work?


- Asked by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

Read more about the Rating System


Wow, yeah I'd say you've done all you can do.

One of my main "requirements" for friends is that we are honest and direct with each other. I damn sure don't have time or energy to deal with a grown woman who pouts and does the nauseating "nothing" bit.

I know it's hurtful to get shut out like that with no explanation but really, at this point all you're doing is reopening the wound each time you reach out and she ignores you.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

Rating Received:


She's acting like a two year-old. It was selfish of her to ruin the trip for everyone.

Obviously, she doesn't want to work things out. If she did, she'd be calling you back. You don't want "friends" like that anyway. I would just ignore her.


- Response by myndseye711, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Vladivostok, Technical

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Your friend might be going through a tough time right now. It's still no excuse for her to be ignoring you. Leave her one voicemail that says something like "I have been trying to reach you for the past 3 weeks now. I know you're upset with me about something but if we don't talk about it then we can't work it out. I am not going to contact you after this message unless I hear from you. The friendship is in your hands at this point."

- Response by boudoirnovelties, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Consulting

Rating Received:


she sounds like she's 5 years old...

move on - can't say you didn't try....

- Response by rollinhigheh, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Ignore them right back,...............

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

Rating Received:


I'd give it a break trying to contact her for a while. Just let it go and see if she comes to her senses and responds to you. I think it's kind of a passive-aggressive move to get attention. Don't fall for it! Hopefully she'll snap out of it.

- Response by bellajayde1, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, San Jose, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


text her and tell her ur coming over right now. :] talk it out

- Response by arsola, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Student

Rating Received:


You shouldn't, so why are you? If you really don't know what could be wrong, then move on.

- Response by birdland, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Let her call you when she is ready.
Let her go and go on with your life.

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

Rating Received:


She is acting very childish, but I think that you should be the bigger person and make one last attempt. Instead of calling or texting though, you should her an email or a letter. Just tell her that you have attempted to mend whatever went wrong and for some reason she has denied you. And let her know that when she is ready to come forward and talk about things you will be there but that you aren't going to continue to call her if she won't respond. Now the ball is in her court and if she really cares she'll call you and try to make a mends. I hope the best for you.

- Response by sweetdee25, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


text her and tell her ur coming over right now. :] talk it out

- Response by arsola, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Student

Rating Received:


Leave her a heartfelt voicemail explaining how you feel...and say you don't understand why I may have upset you and apologize...extend an invitation to talk about it. After that, if nothing happens, I would just call her again and say that you're sorry it can't work out, you appreciated her friendship, and you're always available. I guess.

- Response by greenolive, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Hospitality

Rating Received:


You should start ignoring her back.

And then get on with your life.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

Rating Received:


well ive ignored a 'friend' a couple of times. its not something i enjoyed b'c i always do everything to make a relationship work until finally i either end it or just let it die. heres an example,i ended a friendship because i didnt feel my 'friend' was really treating my like a friend,like if we all went out ,she wouldnt really talk to me but to the others in the group and didnt initiate conversation with me but seemed interested in me by smiling and staring. at first i thought she was just uncomfortable or super introverted(which i can be so i would totally understand) but she was really quite the conversationalist with other ppl. the real tipping point for me was when i called her to discuss something from work, and i asked her how she was and she laughed at me. i never 'discussed' this with her about it made me felt. i just said that i had enough already. i would be polite to her, but no small talk or email exchanges. i didnt delete from my facebook b'c that would be too mean. she didnt react to it very well and got rather vindictive by spreading rumors about me at work about how i was cold and hurting her blah blah blah.

so if im the one being ignored, i would ask myself what did i do to cause this reaction? did i hurt this person?
you could try to talk to your friend, as you have done BUT if they have ignored you(ie avoided talking to you in the first place)any further attempts on your part will be futile. my best suggestion would be to talk to other ppl to see if there is something about YOU that could have caused this, forget this friend and make stronger relationships with people you already know and make more friends!



- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

Rating Received: