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I can't decide if I like my best guy friend as more than a friend...
Dating / 11:26 PM - Wednesday July 15, 2009

I can't decide if I like my best guy friend as more than a friend...

My best guy friend and I have been friends for about a year. He honestly is my best friend - I feel comfortable telling him anything and talking to him about everything. Conversation flows easily, and I trust him more than anyone. I always have a good time when I hang out with him - he's constantly making me laugh, which is something I love. This guy treats me better than any guy I've ever known, and respects me and my values. I have never met someone like him, and I know in my heart that if he was ever my boyfriend, he would treat me like a princess, because he thinks that's what I deserve. Sometimes when I'm around him, I can see us being together as more than friends, and I can see everything being perfect. But then there are other times when it's just not there for me. He thinks I'm playing games with him, and I can understand why he thinks that, but I'm genuinely confused.

This guy has been telling me for quite sometime that he liked me a lot more than a friend, and he's tried (and succeeded) to prove to me time and time again that he would be the best boyfriend ever. I always pushed him away, telling him I just saw him as a friend because of the fact that sometimes, that chemistry wasn't there. Finally he got to his breaking point and didn't speak to me for about 5 weeks. Now, we're talking again, and he told me how incredibly hurt he was. I really think it's taken losing him in order for me to realize how much I care about him, and how great we might be together. I won't get to see him until September, though, because we live so far away - we only go to school together. I talk to him every single day. I know he has his guard up very high against me because of how I hurt him so badly, and I know it will be hard for me to get another shot because he won't want to risk putting his heart out there and being rejected another time. I want to respect this wish of his, but I also can't help how I'm feeling about him now. I'm not positive about the way I feel, but I feel more sure about this now than I did before we stopped talking that we would be perfect together.

Long story, I know, but any advice on ANY of the above? What should I do?

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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I think it's safe to say that almost any guy out there has or has had at least one female friend in his life that he would accept as more than a friend. But meanwhile, he's satisfied with the friendship and thoughts of "I don't want to ruin the this if the feelings aren't mutual" outweigh any thoughts of "I want this to be more than a friendship, maybe I should do something about it."

If you really want him as a boy friend, to the point where just being friends doesn't seem right to you, I think you should pursue a relationship - be forward about it and tell him that you want to be more than friends, if he's alright with it. This guy has expressed interest in you before, and he probably still has at least some remaining feelings for you. If he's not interested, just as before when he wanted a relationship and you didn't, you'll probably remain friends afterward.

I think it's amusing how few women ask men out, given the overwhelming odds in the woman's favor - look up some online dating surveys and I'm sure they'll attest that men would give very strong consideration to a woman asking them out even if they may have passed her by otherwise. Personally, two of my best friends have long term relationships with women who asked them out instead of vice versa. So if it's something more you're after, be bold and let him know; your chances of success are high.

On the contrary, something you shouldn't do is simply flirt with him, "give him signals" that you're interested in more than a friendship, and hope he gets the message and does the hard work himself. Generally, men don't easily pick up on subtlety from women; we like bold, obvious gestures. Even if he notices your behavior, he probably isn't going to jump to the conclusion that he should ask you out; you've turned him down before and he got hurt, so he'll be wary of your motives. The tables have turned and it's your opportunity to be direct and do the asking - don't count on him doing it even if he's interested. Good luck!


- Response by tangosierra, A Career Man, Male, 26-28, Student

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I answered this same exact question at 3:42 pm today. my response was:

"---------- kungfudewd wrote --------
ask yourself how you would feel if he were to be with someone else.

if you're fine with it, then maybe you really don't have any more than friendship for him. and he's fishing in a pond with no chance of catching anything. which is not the best use of his or your time."

If you should kindly find the time, please go back and rate my previous response to this question which you have posted again.


- Response by kungfudewd, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star