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How can I deal with this babysitting issue?
Family & Parenting / 10:35 AM - Tuesday July 14, 2009

How can I deal with this babysitting issue?

I watch my brother's kid's sometimes because of financial conditions. I do it free of charge because I figure that's what family does for each other. Now it's becoming apparent that he's trying to use me by trying to dump them on me whenever he can't find anyone else, or someone he has to pay. What I would like to know is what is the best way to deal with this? Because right now all I wanna do is tell him to KISS MY ASS and don't ask me to do a damn thing again. I don't want to handle it in an immature manner but when dealing with family members, things tend to get abit tricky.

- Asked by Male, 22-25

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Explain to him that you love him and his kids dearly. You are happy to watch them while he is working but when he is off you know his kids would much rather be spending time with their dad.
Remind him that you love being there for him but you are young and need time to develop your own life too.

- Response by almostcoolmom4, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, New York, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

If it is becoming expected and that makes you feel used mention to him that you'd be happy to babysit for him while he is working, with advance notice, but other than that you'll have to beg off because you have some pressing engagements coming up over the summer.

- Response by aoluserchick, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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Yes, things DO get sticky with family.

He probably thinks that it's 'just part of your job as a brother to help him out in hard times.'

To a degree, he's right.

HOWEVER, if you are being taken advantage of (which is easy to do with a family member because of the blurred boundry lines)... then it IS OK to take a stand. You will not be looked down upon by other people (if they are healthy-minded) because of it.

As long as you are taking AND giving, you ARE in the right... family or not.

Just tell him the truth about it but in a polite way, and however he reacts to it is HIS problem, NOT yours. =-)

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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You are mad at yourself for allowing him to use you...so roll back the clock and tell him you really not only enjoy babysitting but helping him out from time to time. Let him know you need to curtail some of the babysitting because you have you own personal matters to take care of. Hold firm and don't allow him to continue to use you! Or you will just get madder at YOURSELF! Good Luck!

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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Let him know in a nice way you love helping him out and being with the kids. Also let him know there are times when you feel like you are being taken advantage of.
He should understand and respect that.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Apparently having to pay for child care services is not an option for him, so ask for money...

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

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Hi,

Tell your brother in a very polite manner how you feel. But also remeber that you told him that you would not accept money for babysitting. If talking about this doesn't help, then say no to babysitting once in a while. Honestly, I do believe that helping out your brother is a nice gesture. You are the kids uncle.
- Have a nice day.

- Response by A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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If you feel that he is "using" you, tell him how you feel and if he wants to pay you good..if not you do not have to accept the assignment.
Just tell him how you feel.


- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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You don't have to be available when he asks. Let him know that you were trying to help, but it is getting to be too much. Tell him you can only do every so often and not on a regular basis. Or you could start charging him.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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It is said that people can't take advantage of us unless we allow them to...

Hopefully he calls beforehand. If you do not feel like sitting, don't answer the phone. OR answer the phone and say, "I can't bro, I'm walking out the door. Hey! I gotta call you back." Then don't. OR just say "No. I'm not prepared to babysit for you. Maybe next time."

Of course, I'm assuming you don't live with them...if you live with them, that's another can of worms...

- Response by kiki812, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer

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