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I need your advice in a major way, I just can't seem to get up the nerve to ask this guy what he's
Dating / 3:05 PM - Saturday July 04, 2009

I need your advice in a major way, I just can't seem to get up the nerve to ask this guy what he's

thinking! I've been seeing him for (yes) 8 months! I started seeing him straight out of a relationship where my heart was broken. I guess it was somewhat of a rebound thing at first, but has grown into much more -- for me.
Basically (in the beginning) due to my heart break and paranoia I was keeping him at a distance...seeing him maybe once a week.
Well the situation has remained the same...like we've just made it that and now I'd like more. He has told me on more than one occasion that he was looking for something 'serious' to which I gave no reply.
The thing is, is that outside of the 'serious' comment, he doesn't put much effort forth. Like he doesn't call me during the week (we usually go out on fri/sat) or really check in at all until it is time to call me up and ask me out for a date which usually consists of dinner/movie/show, etc. and a sleepover.
I am dying to bring up the "what are we, do you want more" conversation but every single weekend I chicken out! It's just that when we're together it feels natural and good.
I haven't even asked the man if he is dating or sleeping with anyone else! I assume he isn't, but you never know.
Plus, I recently found out about a 4 month trip he is planning on taking in the fall. OK.
He has said a least three times to me that he wants a serious relationship and that he is over the whole dating thing for sure.

Two questions, please,
What does it seem like he is thinking, I mean why does he not call me during the week?? And IF he wants to know what I want why doesn't he just ask?

Girls, have you ever been in this situation where you just didn't have the nerve to 'talk to the guy" and if you did, I would love some suggestions on how to go about it!

Thanks!
BTW, he is 43 if that makes any difference.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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He doesn't call you because you don't respond when he brings the topic up. What is suppose to do? Push it further when he sees that you don't respond to it well? Of course not. He did and got rejected already the more he asks he might feel that he is too needy or is pushing it too much which is why he is going to wait for you to do something. So you really have to get the nerve and bring it up again and talk to him seriously about it.

- Response by doodlydog, A Player, Male, 18-21, Student

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Oh, c'mon! You're old enough to not be "chicken" when it comes to relationships and being vocal about what you want and expect. The only time a person is "nervous" is when they feel if they speak up they'll lose that person. And if that is the case, you're with the wrong person to begin with. A person who loves you and wants to be in your life isn't going to run away when you speak up.

He has let this dating situation be on "YOUR TERMS" for which you've told him, without telling him, you're not interested in a "serious" relationship.

If you want more, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM! He's not a frickin' mind reader! He doesn't call you because you don't want anything more than the casual Fri/Sat night date and obligatory sex. He's made his intentions clear "three" times! And now you're going to blame him for not coming through with making this relationship more now that you want it?

So, stop your whining and call him and tell him you want to have a serious talk with him about the relationship, your expectations and his. He's not a frickin' mind reader and since you've already sent the message, you're not going to have to take the step and verbalize that you've reconsidered your position and you want a "serious" relationship with HIM! So, get to it!

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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hun, you are old enough to know to allow yourself time to grieve one relationship BEFORE you jump into another one.

these are EXACTLY the reasons why you should wait. you brought this ALL on by your own selfish needs. next time, do the right thing, and grieve the loss, then ONLY rejoin the dating pool when you are ready.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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