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I'm really angry at/hurt by my husband for pushing sex when I told him no. We just had a baby,
Sex & Intimacy / 2:23 AM - Wednesday July 01, 2009

I'm really angry at/hurt by my husband for pushing sex when I told him no. We just had a baby,

so my vagina is still sensitive and we haven't had sex yet.

Last night he woke up and tried to have sex with me, then really hurt me.

Basically 2 kisses of foreplay and then he tried to push his penis in even though I told him it wouldn't work. The baby was right next to us, I was stressed and 1 minute of foreplay was not enough to make it happen.

While I'm telling him not to and pushing his hips away, he says it will work and just shoves it in.

It really hurt! I screamed in pain, startling both him and the baby. I started to cry because he hurt me, and that he didn't listen to me when I said I wasn't ready.

He hugged me for a minute, then rolled over putting his earplugs in to fall asleep. I ended up falling asleep crying.

He really hurt my feelings, not to mention that it hurt a lot. I feel like we're never going to have sex again because he either gets frustrated if I need foreplay and stops completely, or last night after less than a minute of it just shoved it in so it was really painful. Either no sex or painful sex, I guess it's not worth it to seduce your own wife. Great, when we were dating he would do all of the seduction needed. Now that I had our baby and really need seduction to get it to work, he either gives up after a minute or just shoves it in when it's painful.

I want to not be upset with him, but I'm really upset and hurt by his insensitivity.

I really don't want to be upset with him, but I can't help it.

Update: July 01, 2009.
To give him some credit, he stopped right when he put it in, because I screamed out in pain. Then he hugged me and said he was sorry and didn't mean to-he "thought it would work". I was fine when he put the earplugs in, but then I started to cry again because him turning away when I needed him made me sad. He apologized a lot this morning too. One it's me not being ready and needing a lot of foreplay to make it work, then it's him getting frustrated and feeling like a shitty lover and rejected. I hope we can fix this. I'd like our sex life back, but it's not going to work like this.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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He needs to understand that you have feelings to and needs to fire you up first and use lube when you need it and have foreplay before just roling over and putting it in and listen to you.

- Response by lifestyle, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Houston

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He sounds really insensitive and non-empathic. That being said, he may not be a bad man, but just callous because he has no clue what is going on. He may be tuning you out and not really listening to what you are saying. If this is the case, your talking to him may not work.

Could you schedule a meeting with your doctor, where your doctor explains to him why he needs to wait to have sex with you? Or, perhaps have him go to counseling, or have an older married man he trusts talk to him about how, when women have just had a baby, they are more sensitive down there?

It sorta stinks when your husband doesn't listen to you, but sometimes men seem to have this problem. they will hear criticism more easily from someone besides their wife. Hopefully as your husband matures he will be more able to listen to you...

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Not to excuse his behavior last night in any way. . .because you told him no, you told him to stop, and he ignored you and tried anyway. That's not acceptable.

But was it already explained to him that you cannot have sex so soon after giving birth? I mean, did you have the conversation with him OUTSIDE of the bedroom that he's going to need to wait until your system has had a little more time to recover before he can start to "play around" down there?

At this point, you have every right to be upset with him. His behavior towards you was selfish, insensitive and disrespectful. He doesn't get what HE wants, so he puts in earplugs and rolls over and goes back to sleep while you lay there and cry from him hurting you? WTF is wrong with him?!?

- Response by saucywench, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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If he forced you to have sex when you were clearly telling him no. Then that is rape. Married or not when you say no and they procced that is rape. Which would be why you were so upset. Crying from the pain of the forced entry and the refusal to listen to the word no is horrible. You need to talk to someone even if it is annonyomous. And at the very least call a rape crisis hotline and see if thats what it truly is so you can get some help getting past it cuz my guess is you won't get over this all that easy.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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A whole lot of talking needs to take place between the two of you. I hardly EVER recommend couples counseling, but if you can afford ANY at all, I would strongly suggest that you go, before this marriage is so thoroughly destroyed, that nothing can repair it.

And, the baby should not be IN bed with you. In a basinette beside the bed, but not IN bed with you both. A very bad habit for more than one reason. Adults accidently roll over on babies all the time and smother them.

Another reason is that it interferes with husband and wife closeness and intimacy.

Having said all of that: What he did to you last night is inexcusable. I don't know how a person would get over being treated like that.

I will tell you that it happened to me when I was much younger than you are. I left my husband, carrying my baby, with nowhere to go; and I never looked back.

I am so sorry that you are experincing this callous treatment, at a time in your life, that you need love and understanding the most.

Take Care Of YOU!

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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thats rape. 100% rape. you can press charges. he can go to jail. then he can have a dick shoved into him without permission. i'm so sorry that happened. you need to talk to someone about it. what he did was completely unacceptable. i'm getting so pissed off right now just thinking about it. i'm so so sorry.

- Response by mammajamma6378, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Artist / Musician / Writer

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