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Body Image Issues Interfering With My Love Life or Lack There Of
Dating / 3:02 AM - Sunday June 28, 2009

Body Image Issues Interfering With My Love Life or Lack There Of

So i'm really attracted to this guy but when he takes his shirt off it just all goes down the drain. I really digg his personality and style but not his body.

I'm not one to judge because to be honest I'm not even okay with my own body, but even if I was okay that still isn't fair to either of us.

How can I stop being a shallow bitch? I can't choose these things or can I?

- Asked by georgiagirl404, A Creative, Female, 18-21, Student

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If I were an average person, I would be a shallow bitch.

It's just that as it is, it's precious hard for me to find a guy who will date an educated woman.

At some point, though, I'm probably going to dump this one if he won't join a gym.

It's not that you and I are shallow--it's just that we deserve certain things and if guys aren't willing to rise to that standard, they deserve to lose us.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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shallow or deep...you choose
the validity!
you'll work this out w/more
than one mistake!
it's inevitable, we are not "perfect".
don't loose sleep. have fun! peace. kitkat

- Response by kitkat19, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Community Rating: Community Star

if u first have issues with your own body it's really gonna be hard to get past issues with someone eleses.i think at first u should try to love yourself...if u do this then u sre more forgiving of others and are then able to accept them for who they are and not how they look.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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tell him to leave his shirt on???

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 26-28, Retired

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You are young. Over time, you will see how truly insignificant the physical body is in relation to the person's mind and soul.

The body is just a vehicle that carries our heart, mind and soul. And, even perfect vehicles can be smashed up and destroyed in accidents and disasters. But, the heart, mind and soul always stay true. Learn to see past the packaging and FEEL the contents. Once you master the ability to do this, the most extraordinary people will enter your life.

And, the quality of people in your life will excel to proportions never imagined!

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting

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Either try to look past it...

or you could possibly try buying gym memberships for the two of you...and be a supporter?? PERHAPS!

:)

- Response by trishacable15, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Chicago, Celebrity

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Its not shallow, its normal to find some things attractive and some things not. And you can't do much about it. Its not fair to yourself or him to get into a relationship with someone who's body leaves you cold.


- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Pretend he was an NFL Linebacker who decided to stop lifting weights.

- Response by buffersclone, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Managerial

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I wish I could shout this from the rooftops!

Judging someone on their appearance does NOT make you shallow.

Judging someone on their intelligence, their smoking/drinking habits, their favorite tv show, or any other reason that might be important to you does not make you shallow either.

People are who they are. We all have our preferences.

What wouldn't be fair to either of you would be for you to pretend something doesn't matter to you when it does.

Having standards doesn't make you a bitch. It makes you normal.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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I can tell you that beauty is in the inside and it doesn't matter what he looks like (and add some words of wisdom), but if you don't feel what I'm saying then I don't think we can do anything about it. Just be true to what you want, but if you really really like him, who knows in time, you maybe able to see pass that.

- Response by simplyasking, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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"Beauty is on the inside" is a perfectly valid statement in terms of judging somebody's actual value. It is *not* valid, nor should it be, for determining your attraction to somebody. Clearly you value physical attraction enough that it "all goes down the drain" when you see him shirtless. If he is really that bad, I doubt you will find yourself physically attracted to him at any point in the near future. Yes, physical attraction is not the be-all end-all etc etc bla bla but it's still important.

Since you find his personality so engaging I suggest you limit your relations with him to friendship. If you enter a relationship your distaste for his body is going to show through eventually (If not immediately) and continuing that is unfair to both of you. One person finding the other physically repulsive is kryptonite to a relationship. This does not render judgment upon you for being shallow et al. This is your life and who you choose to spend your time and emotional attachment with, after all.

- Response by funkymustafa, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, Boston, Military

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Yes...You can choose. No one is perfect!

Accept him for who he is ...and what he looks like..........He still is the same guy you digg as you have said...for his personality and style (Shirt on or off) If you really are attracted him ......

If you feel you can't get past that.....you need to move on be honest ..with yourself .

- Response by twinkygirl2u, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Self-Employed

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I think until you love someone looks matter a great deal.Whether people admit or not. Just because he doesnt do it for you doesnt mean he wont for someone else. You are young dont settle...find someone who turns you on in all aspects.

- Response by withthewind, A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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On the one hand, physical attraction is not something you can control. It's either there or it's not.

However, on the other hand, keep this in mind: when we're older that flies out the window and we all end up looking like shriveled prunes anyway. Make sure you end up with a shriveled prune you love :-)

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Self-Employed

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You're young and in an industry where looks are important. At this point though, physcial attractiveness is incredibly important biologically and we're trained to look for healthiness in the opposite sex. Man as always equated prettiness with healthiness just as women have equated physical strength with a more desireable trait in a mate. When you're a little older and you've thought about how intellect is more important you may well look at this differently but for now, you're doing what we have always done as people since the beginning of time.

- Response by patresi, An Intellectual Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Its just like this. You cannot do anything about it. If you force yourself to accept him you will get even more distant.
AND you don't need therapy as someone suggested ! therapy for what? I hate apples though everyone I know think high of it, should I get therapy????????????

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Girl...you ain't a bitch....you just ain't feeling his extra meat...lmao...too bad it's not all downstairs...hubba hubba....

My man gained over 70lbs since we have been together, I am not repulsed by the weightgain...but he is very self consious about it...me, I am only concerned about his health....but I know how he use to look...and no matter what...he is still my fine sexy ass man!!!

- Response by divatoonami, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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Yes. You choose to be a shallow bitch. Read the book "Why men love bitches" that should help. Then, wake up and realize their are more important things to be worried about. When my daughter takes her shirt off, it reveals a large burn from when she was 4. I hope you never see her chest, she would be even more devastated. You are the reason people have low self esteem, orpeople like you.

- Response by kirsey, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Lawyer

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