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Boyfriend needs space, how long do I wait?
Dating / 9:01 PM - Sunday June 21, 2009

Boyfriend needs space, how long do I wait?

Boyfriend of 1 year says he loves me, thinks I'm the perfect partner, couldn't do better, etc...

Also said something doesn't feel right and he thinks its because he's too dependent on me. He moved to our town and met me immediately and didn't really establish himself here.

I encourage him to work on his independence and we decide together the best way to do so is to break up.

He says he wants it to be a break and that's how he's treating it. I say that's not fair to either of us because if he truly needs space then he needs to not have me around distracting him or falling back into old patterns. He also shouldn't have a time frame to meet. And, if he doesn't have a time frame to meet, then a break isn't fair to me b/c I'm just sort of hanging.

I love him to death and feel like he loves me a lot, too. I would love if things were to work out between us but I know if they don't then we're both meant to be happier with others. Which is fine. Two good possible outcomes, right?

However, I'm having a hard time knowing how to act/feel right now. Do I start the mourning process and begin to move on? Do I wait a couple weeks and see what happens? I'm definitely living my life and hanging out with friends more often and focusing on work, etc...

How do I handle this? How should I feel? (I know that's a hard question to ask!)

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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You don't mourn this, you are giving the gift of space to someon that you clearly love. You can have a good time and not think that you are moving on. If and when it is time to "move on" you will know, not a day on the calendar...

- Response by siouxzen, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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lay low for a couple of weeks, keep in touch but let him miss you a lttle. dont be avaliable all the time. good luck

- Response by A Creative, Female, 46-55, New York, Self-Employed

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I'd tell him to take all of the time he needed. And, if I'm still available when you decide what you want, we'll see. But, what he's saying sounds like an excuse. Don't allow yourself to be kept hanging. It has nothing to do with him. I'd move on. But, you don't have to break from a relationship to learn some independence. He just need to do what he has to in order to feel satisfied with himself and his life. He should be able to do this with you.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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I personally don't believe in 'breaks'. If someone wants a break from me for their own reasons, I consider it a done deal. I will not leave my heart in limbo and I'd never feel that secure if we did come back together.

Sometimes the perfect person comes along at the wrong time and for men in particular, timing is everything. I've seen several of my male friends walk away from what they admitted were great relationships only to get married a couple years later to someone that didn't seem as right for them. But to them, it was all about timing. Where they are in life and their ability to support a family is a big deal and that usually doesn't happen until a guy is around 28-31 and beyond.

Don't know if that's what is going on with your dude but I couldn't handle a break. I'd tell him that I couldn't do the break but that if he wants to check with me later to see if I'm available, he can...

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't wait around at all. My gut feeling, given what you've shared, is that he wants to pursue other women but wants to keep you on standby in case that doesn't work out. In other words, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

You can do better than that arrangement.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Self-Employed

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