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Should I drop this "wishy washy" guy?
Dating / 7:19 PM - Saturday June 20, 2009

Should I drop this "wishy washy" guy?

I have been dating a guy on/off for two months. He runs hot & cold. One day he wants a relationship then next he gets cold feet and says he isn't sure if he is ready for a relationship. Back & forth it goes. Our chemistry is great - we're both very attracted to each other and have fun all the time we're together. I hate to just say forget you guy when there might be possibilities. He has been divorced for several years and is used to being alone. He has brought me to meet his friends & his mother & I have been at his house several times. Why is he so damn wishy washy? Anyone else experience this? Have any tips on how I can deal with him? I don't usually call him - maybe email him once in awhile. I try not to be pushy or make him feel "trapped," lol.

- Asked by payback, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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If you guys are already "off and on" after only two months, I can only imagine what kind of hell the rest of the relationship will put you through, assuming it survives.

You shouldn't have to go through all that for a man. He should want you all of the time, not just some of it. If he can't meet that basic requirement, I bet there's many others he won't be able to meet as well. If phone calls and emails make him feel "trapped", then a committed relationship will probably strangle him!

He's got issues, and they're his to work out. You can't help him, so don't try. Focus on yourself and find someone who wants what you want and won't play games with you.

- Response by sxybtch25, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I don't think it's necessary to drop him, but at the same time, I wouldn't be waiting for the phone to ring or wait for any text messages or e-mail.

Make sure you still mix socially and leave yourself open to meet others. I know it is difficult when you really have an eye on a guy and are attracted to him. However, since he can't seem to "make up his mind," make it up for him...and go your own way.

Should he call and want to take you out, fine. Who knows what the future will bring, but don't sit around and wait for him... There's no "pay-off" with guys who "can't make up their minds." All you are asking for is heartbreak.

And I know it's HARD to get interested in others, but in awhile, it all gets old and you get sick of waiting for him to "make up his mind."

Later on, if he still can't "make up his mind," you make it up for him and tell him not to bother you anymore. It sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, but I've been through it. I'm not talking through my hat.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

Read "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" John Gray explains why men are close and then they are distant. This book changed my life.

Keep in mind that the relationship is new - give it time to settle. Things are hot and heavy right now. See how things look in 12-24 months; if he is still running hot and cold, there may be issues. For now, give him the space he needs and be thankful you have already met his Mom and his friends - this is a positive step, and it shows that he is seeking their approval about his choice of a possible future lifetime partner. If its meant to be, it will be.

- Response by jeweledwords, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Internet / New Media

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I wouldn't suddenly drop him, but I do believe that he needs some type of a wake-up call. I suggest you sit him down and talk to him and tell him all of these things. Worst case scenario, he leaves, but you were thinking of doing that anyways.

- Response by eatingpoptarts, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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I recently was in a relationship with a guy like this (three times in the past year), so, I can safely tell you to get over him. In my situation we'd date 2, maybe 2 1/2 months...and he'd come up with some excuse why we shouldn't date anymore. I've been divorced for a while now, too (6 years) but if I'm willing to put my heart on the line...then what's his problem?
I didn't call this one either, very often, and when I did, I always seemed to be apologizing for calling him. He told me that he didn't want lengthy conversations everyday, just short ones to let each other know how our day went. I complied, and at about the regular time, he bolted. Well, the third time was a charm, and there won't be a fourth.

Stay in this...he'll break your heart (or at least bruise it, like my ex did to me). He's giving you signals, please take heed. I'm 95% sure he's about to "drop the hammer" on you.

- Response by tortureu2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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You should probably find out what caused his first marriage to end. Sounds like he is looking for someone to take care of him, but doesn't want to extend himself too much.

- Response by granniegirl2000, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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I have dated a guy like this as well. same thing really good connection on both ends. theres defiantely something there. but something about the relationship freaks them out. either theyve been hurt or theyre afraid of commitment. someone like this will never be satisfied. even if he does care about you, its never gonna sorry you have to leave him, guys like this only want what they cant have.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Vancouver, Technical

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Yes I am in the same situation. Mr. Wishy Washy and getting worse after 2 1/2 months. I cant tell if he is coming or going anymore. He makes dates, cancels thm last minute or cancels them without saying he is canceling them just texts me he has somehting else he has to do. Sometimes calls, sometimes doesnt. If he does its at 8PM and has been less frequent. I am not calling back anymore. Its up to him to decide what he really wants. He seemed like he was really into me, but I am really not sure now. Wanted to be exclusive but doesnt act like the considerate, into me kind of guy. He has also been divorced 3 years after 22 years of marriage. He slipped up and told me she felt neglegted. I cant imagine 22 years of feeling neglected. Get out now. Before your heart is too barried. I am having to face the fact I am going to be hurt and bow out.

- Response by dolly1111, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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Isn't asking us if you should dump him by definition also wishy-washy? Sheesh.

- Response by istillhatescreennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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