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I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't yet?
Family & Parenting / 7:20 AM - Friday June 19, 2009

I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't yet?

Me and my boyfriend both have steady reliable jobs....we are both at the stage we want to b with our careers. We have a house....and everything else that we wanted as individuals. We have travelled etc etc. I am now more than ready to have a child and it seems it's all I think about at the mo. Problem is that he says he doesn't want a baby yet....and he wants to wait about 5years. I'm ok with waiting, as I understand that we both have to want this for us to have a happy family. I'm just worried that he is saying this to keep me quiet and that he doesn't really want a child. A previous relationship of his ended because she was pregnant but when the baby was born he found out it wasn't his. When we first got together he had said that having a baby would b the worst thing that could happen to him....although over time this has changed to not yet. Just a little bit of advice would b really helpful? Thanks x

Update: June 19, 2009.
Thank you for all your nice comments. Your all prob right...I guess that it will happen when the time is right. And I most def would not want to do anything that he didn't. Just to inform those who felt I am too young and cannot be educated....I do have a full degree and my own business. Granted this is not secure....but nothing is?? Life is all about taking chances and risks. Thank you x

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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A little bit of advice? Dear you need a LOT of advice. You sum up your readiness as 'jobs, traveled, house' and those are the least things to consider as readiness for a baby.

That job (which at your age, can't be a 'career' in which you've advanced very far unless you have no aspirations) could go up in smoke at any minute. The real question here as it relates to a job is:
Are you educated and do you have real savings and an emergency fund? Can you afford to spend $45 a week on formula or breast feeding supplies? Can you afford healthcare on an infant and the copays for the many times it'll have to go see a Pediatrician? Does this job allow you all the time off you'll need for doctor appointments? Can you and he pay $130+ per WEEK for Daycare? Is there a spare bedroom in this house for the babies room? How about Diapers, clothes, cribs, food, babysitters beyond daycare so that you and he can go on dates? I could go on but you get the point--babies aren't cheap.

Another question you should be asking: Do you have a support system? When it gets really hard and the baby won't stop crying or getting ear infections or diarrhea or needing this or that, will you have a shoulder to cry on, family, friends, someone to help you out, give you a break, offer understanding? What about him? What do you expect from him when he's clearly not ready?

Travel is irrelevant but since you mention it, I'll address it. Unless you were an Army Brat, you aren't old enough to have significantly traveled. You don't know how much impact a child will have on your ability to do such things in 5years or so.

Most important: What do you have to offer a child? People always think about what a child can do for them but what can you do for that child? They need more than love.

Get fully educated, grow your savings acct, live a little, get married and then have a baby. It's only fair to the child that you give it your best to bring it into as 'right' of a situation as possible.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

My advice is that you should wait until you are married. It is very important that children are born into the stability of marriage. It's also important that both parents want a child. A child is a TON of work. I was just talking about this with my sis-in-law the other day. Your time is not your own anymore. If you are sick, you don't get to lay in bed and get better. You throw up with a toddler on your hip. Have a bad day at work? Too bad. No time for unwinding.

Trust'll be glad you waited.

Children are the most amazing thing that will ever happen to you, but if you aren't ready to get married, you shouldn't be thinking about kids.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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Wait wait wait.

- Response by sagbelle, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Tampa, Alternative Medicine

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It seems your biggest concern is whether or not he will be true to his word. This is critical as I'm sure you've realized. He must want children. Time is your friend here. Take all the time you need to confirm his feelings. I hope it's what he wants. Good luck.


- Response by gettinslim45, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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Both partners have to want to have a baby or the time is not right. Your boyfriend would resent you pushing for a baby when he isn't ready yet. You need to wait. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Your boyfriend is wise not to have a baby with a woman he is NOT married to and when he is so young. What is your big rush? Why do you expect a man to commit to raising a whole human being with you for 18+ years if you two haven't even committed to spending YOUR lives together?

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Political / Government

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Get engaged. Spend a few years being engaged. Travel with him and have fun together. Really get to know each other and enjoy each other without the added pressure of a baby. Then get married. Then have a baby - when you're both ready. You are young and have the luxury of time! What's the rush?

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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