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My guy expects me to always pay, how do i tell him it bothers me?
Dating / 4:55 PM - Monday June 15, 2009

my guy expects me to always pay, how do i tell him it bothers me?

I have a trust fund and money and some times i dont mind paying but my guy says let's go for dinner then doesnt even reach for the cheque... I dont want to pay all the time.

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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You don't have to and shouldn't

Tell him next time when he suggests a meal out....

"SURE......bring your wallet....its your treat tonight."

- Response by nuttyprofessor, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Transportation

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So now you know. He's using you for your money. Quit paying. He'll be gone.

In the future -- don't tell guys you have a trust fund and don't offer to pay.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Your guy is a moocher.

Just because you have a trust fund does not mean you should always pay. He is using you for your money...

Here are my rules for dating - the person who asks, pays. If he wants to go out to dinner and he asks, he pays. In a long term relationship, you should both take turns treating each other.

Now, in the past, when I've dated guys who had more or less money, the person who had less money might treat to a meal at Wendy's or a home-cooked meal, and the one with more money might treat to a nicer place... though if the person with more money wants to treat to home-cooked meals, that is OK too!

I've dated guys who were rich, they were happy to take me out all the time, but I still treated them to a home-cooked meal or a night at the movies or other such things because it's important in a relationship that both people show a spirit of generosity to each other.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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just tell him directly. its totally understandable or at least it should be. You feel used and I seriously doubt that is what the money was intended for. If he makes it into a big deal he IS using you.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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a REAL man wouldn't expect you to pay. sounds like you have a LEECH, not a man. dump him.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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That broke MF is using you.... figuratively and literally.... as a free meal ticket. Do NOT allow this to continue.

- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Civil Service

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why don't you simply "cut and paste" this post and send it to him? either you can say it or you can write it or... or, what? this is definitely not rocket science.

a former first lady had it right when she said, "just say NO!".

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Dump the user.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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Drop him already. good lord!

- Response by sullycake, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Administrative

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I think you need to find a guy that spoils you not where you have to spoil him

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Tell him that you're tired of him seeing you as a walking wallet.

Test him: Tell him you talked to an investment expert who put all your money in a fund that you can't touch for 5 years for maximum interest. Which means you have no cash. See if he pays up.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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Your first mistake was allowing him to know your economic business. Keep your finances to yourself, and you could have avoided this issue. I would never put up with this sceniero, you have created a mess, and have to get out of it.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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don't let him suck you dry! you are young and that money can be used for your future. tell him that. He needs to start chipping in 50%, if he doesn't have money to go out then he shouldn't suggest it.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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your guy is not a man....but instead a mooching boy.
a man would not ever expect You to pay for himself when he invited you. in fact a man would offer and expect to pay for your meal almost always when inviting you. the only exception is if a man were short on funds but still wanted to spend time with you...in such case he would say something like this "jane I would really like to spend some time with you...but I am a little short at the moment...how about we go dutch?" This usually occurs only in long term relationships.

I think you have a person who is simply enjoying your money...his actions are not that of a person interested in you more then your wallet. my recommendation is two fold...first you should look for some one else... second you should not discuss your finances until well into the relationship....after he has shown that he loves you and can provide for you...you should think of your trust fund as a reserve set up by your family...not your mainline....then it will last you a lifetime...and you will also have a lifetime of love versus the potential lifetime of mooching.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Transportation

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It should bother you---good for you for wising up! Tell him straight out! He obviously knows you have a trust fund: How did he find out about that? Sounds like he's using you: regardless of anything else, he's enjoying dating a "trust fund baby". He's immature, & it shows every time he brings up going out, & doesn't ever even pretend to reach for the check! Does he bother to bring a wallet? Does he offer to cover the tip? (I'm wondering if he could be that dense, to have manners that bad/lacking.)

How do you know he really cares for you, & not just your money? Think about it. Can you reasonably answer that question without a doubt? Try this: Next time he wants to go out to dinner, ask him where he's taking you (& let's hope he's mentioned some place expensive). And make sure he sees that you aren't carrying a purse of any kind! If he changes his mind, or you wind up at Burger King, dump his cheap butt! Find someone worthy of your personality, not your checkbook. Good Luck!

At any age, try never letting anyone know you have that kind of money; it just invites losers, vampires, coat-tail riders---people who will take your money & you for a ride! Make sure that someone cares for you---for you! No loving relationship should ever be about money; if it is, it's doomed to fail.

- Response by cressida1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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Be honest with him and let him know that you don't like having to 'treat' him every time you go out...if he is the one who is suggesting to go out, then the next time he does that, simply tell him, "Well if you're treating, let's go" and see how he reacts because it sounds like he's 'expecting' you to pay every time you go out...you shouldn't have to 'pay' anyone to be with you or to go out with you...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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I would have dumped his ass by now. You should be able to tell a lot about him if he's always mooching off of you. If this relationship is pretty serious and you see it going somewhere, I don't think this is the best way to start it and he doesn't seem too promising.

- Response by marwii, A Creative, Female, 22-25, Los Angeles, Student

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Do you know how to spell the word m-o-o-c-h.

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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tell him u got sued and dont have money like you used to and if he could split the bills from now on...see what happens

but if your using him and hes using you for whatever reasons fair game right?

but seriously on a serious note

just tell him you love him but cant pay the dinner bills anymore

- Response by uspeak2me, A Sportif, Female, 29-35

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tell him u got sued and dont have money like you used to and if he could split the bills from now on...see what happens

but if your using him and hes using you for whatever reasons fair game right?

but seriously on a serious note

just tell him you love him but cant pay the dinner bills anymore

- Response by uspeak2me, A Sportif, Female, 29-35

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