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How to handle threats from abusive ex husband? Not bodily, yet, but being verbally abusive.
Sex & Intimacy / 4:26 PM - Sunday June 14, 2009

How to handle threats from abusive ex husband? Not bodily, yet, but being verbally abusive.

Ex husband was abusive during our marriage. Have 2 kids who have been through it all too. We have been divorced for 15 years and before I left there was a confrentation where a gun was involved. Now 15 years later and plenty of arguements in the mean time he and his wife want to be foster parents. Due to his actions 15 years prior against me he has a record that will not allow him to become a foster parent. He has requsted me to write a letter of what a good father he is and pretty much wants me to say it was alright that he had a gun pointed at me 15 years ago. That yes I think the state should allow him and his wife to foster children. Well, my respose was write me an email telling me what you would like me to say and I will run it passed my attorney. I did not hear from him but both of our children were also then asking me to write this letter. They have nothing to do with this I thought? Then today being our daughters cheerleeding compition we were to sit together and enjoy her performance. Which I did. Then afterwards he asked if he could talk to me, oh here it comes, I knew it wasn't dead yet. He begins with the fact he got my message and that I had an attorney, he stated oh I have plenty of attorneys, he began to get flustered when I told him again, I do not know anything about your current parenting skills and I do not know what to write. He wants me to either clear his name or his conscience and I cannot do either for him. Our daughter asked him not to do this right now and he told her to get in the truck with the rest of the family, she only wanted to say goodbye to me. He then started stating fine if you don't want to do this the easy way we have to do it the hard way again...again ..he says with a tone I knew was frustration. I knew it was time to move to my car. Getting in my car he is still talking and my responses are still I don't know what you want.. his new wife wants a kid or the money I don't know or care which, his court date with children and familys was on Thursday if they wanted info from me they could have sent me a supena. He said it was for him now not the courts to clear his mind of everything he's done in his life. At this point I could see the frustration and his hands shaking from anger. I got into my car and he said he would take me to court for child support,daughter just moved in with him in last year she's 15, I didn't gat child support, that's another story,and for defermation of charachter, as he said this he slapped his hand against the top of the car door. Feeling this could get worse I said do what you feel you need to and called our daughter over to say goodbye and reassure her it would be ok. question is how to handle this? He can't seem to just move on, be a parent to our children, not be abusive putting them in middle of this and anger toward me? Any suggestions?

Update: June 14, 2009.
Just to update, he called back this evening to appologize for how he acted this morning. But then started in again threating me with taking me to court if I didnt 'fix his issue'. Even asked me to take a polygraph test. Needless to say this will not happen. Thank you all for your answers. I have a phone number for an attorney on speed dial for tomorrow morning.

- Asked by A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Tampa, Technical

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He just threatened you with retaliation if you refuse to do what he wants....document this incident and his previous request in detail...have it notorized and send THAT letter to the courts he asked you to send HIS version to. Send a copy to your own lawyer and perhaps suggest custody arrangements and visitations be revisited as a result.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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Do NOT, I repeat do NOT write this letter!!!!

He has been abusive in the past. What IF she begins abusing your children? Do you know how impossible it would be to take him to court to stop visitation after you've just written a letter stating he was a great parent?

YOU need to worry about YOU. NOT him.

Simply tell him that your attorney advised you against it.

I can guarantee that a person like this would never do something nice for you. Don't do it for him, and do NOT feel guilty.

Also, think about how you would feel if something happened to his foster kids! Not a good idea.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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Community Rating: Community Star

I didn';t read all of your post but if this man is abusive and dangerous, why do you want to give him your kids? Even if he was able to convince the kids, if they are under 18 they cannot decide and they may be don't know what is good for them. It is your responsibility to protect them. Don't write the paper that he wants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Speak only facts. YES go the hard way if he wants to. Don't clean his record so he has the chance to hurt your kids. If your kids know all the facts you mentioned I wonder why on the hill they want to stay with him. If it is me I will put the whole issue on the media so if the court let him won the case, all the society become responsible about what would happen to the kids from this monster

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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PLEASE Please don't write the paper. Otherwise you will regret all your life. Find legal support DON'T ever write this lie and sign it! Why do you want to do that to yourself??????????? He will use against you to the rest of your life.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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My ADD won't let me read your whole post, but I think you need to talk to a local shelter or program for domestic violence and find out from professionals what you should do. Good luck.

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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