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My husband doesn't like compliments.
Married Life / 6:12 PM - Tuesday June 09, 2009

My husband doesn't like compliments.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has this same issue with their husband. My husband doesn't like it when I compliment him. He gets mad sometimes when I do. Or if he hurts himself and I ask if he's okay, he gets really mad. It's pretty confusing on my part. I wish he would compliment me more, but that never happens. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do.

- Asked by amberl90, A Married Girl, Female, 22-25

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maybe he doesn't like them because he feels you want compliments in return, and he just refuses to give them. therefore, he doesn't want you to do it for him.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Get the book "The Five Love Languages," by Chapman.

Then you'll know why your husband doesn't value compliments and what his language of love is.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Sounds like he may have grown up where it didn't happen. Talk to him and let him know how it feels to be complimented and how you care when he hurts himself.

- Response by lifestyle, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Houston

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I'm a person who doesn't take compliments very well either. I find them embarrassing. Sorry, can't help it. Maybe he feels the same.

- Response by bayshoregirl, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, New York, Retired

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yeah, in the beginning they like it, then after a year...

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I am the type who can't take a compliment very well. In my case it is because of my low self esteem and I think I am being mocked or made fun of. Since I don't know how to take a compliment I don't know how to give one. Just remind him that you are sincere with your compliments and concerns. Over time he will come to believe you. Be patient

- Response by electroman, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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I have no idea what you are saying in regards to compliments but in my experience:
If I say to my husband " I love how green your eyes are on rainy days" or "that shirt look really nice on you" or "your so considerate, I love that" he will almost always seem unbelieving and a little annoyed... However if I alter my statements " Oh, babe, it makes you look sooo hot when the weather brings out your sexy green eyes" or " OMG hun, that shirt looks hot, I think I want to take it off, right now" or " I knew I could count on you, you ALWAYS know the right thing to do"... he will be very content with them.
So in my case it was a matter of altering my approach. If you do not feel that is a solution then perhaps the suggestion of a self help book or counseling would be beneficial. To find out why he doesn't like them, why you feel obligated to give them and what it is that makes you want them.
Good Luck!! BTW, I love your post, it's so hot!! ..lmao
I am soo damn funny

- Response by tresdjndjed, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Boston

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I have this problem with my boyfriend. He doesn't like it when I tell him how good he looks because HE doesn't believe he looks good. It's annoying. I try to boost his self esteem but I just can't seem to help.

- Response by mlcoast2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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He might fight it patronizing when you ask him if he's okay, don't really know why. There's definitely an issue that needs to be worked on.

- Response by simplyasking, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Sweetpea You know this a cry from YOU to get a compliment from Him just be that real woman you are,good luck

loluv
Sal

- Response by podagoo, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Farming

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I am like that. Compliments are fine, but they make me really uncomfortable, especially given in public. I would prefer a private note or just some silent nice thing (a good diner or a clean kitchen) instead of a verbal thank you. Part of my issue is really acknowledging the compliment, I never know how to act, especially if its something that I just did because I know it needed to be done. The more every day the activity that I'm being complimented for, the harder it is for me to take, and the more uncomfortable it makes me feel.

I do not know how to get your husband to compliment you more, but try speaking his language, or leave an appreciative note where he will find it and DO NOT expect it to be acknowledged. He will appreciate it but by acknowledging it (at least for me) that would mean I did something that required acknowledgment, which is not why I did it in the first place.

MAYBE, emphasis on MAYBE after a while he might do the same for you (leaving notes of appreciation). But don't expect it in public, because that does not sound like the type of person he is. Hope this helps.


- Response by attorneydad, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Lawyer

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The answer is really simple. Sit down and ask him why he dislikes compliments and why he gets upset when you show natural concern for his well being. He should be grateful. Until he does, it will be confusing for you and lead to much more difficult times in the future. There is a reason that a normal person does not like to be complimented. It is normal to enjoy praise when given with kindness. He obviously has an issue in that area that needs to be resolve. Sit down with him and ask him outright and don't give up until he opens up.
Good luck.

Kincaid

- Response by kincaidrfd, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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