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MEN should STOP taking advantage of women by using them for FWB relationships.
Sex & Intimacy / 12:17 PM - Saturday June 06, 2009

MEN should STOP taking advantage of women by using them for FWB relationships.

********The following is a good question posted by someone else: Honestly why is it that everyone is always yammering on about the women's role in the FWB relationships and about how stupid they are for getting themselves into these situations - they aren't acting alone here... HELLO? Why can't the man take some responsibility? Everyone knows women are emotionally involved when in comes to sex, men don't care, they take advantage anyway and deal with the fall out later. Come on... it takes two to tango.********

Most of the responses to this said that women go into it knowingly and could say no, or some bullshit. This is assuming that they've both really sat down and talked about how it's going to be before they do it. Everyone's thinking of the meet some random person at a club and then have some drunken, casual sex situation, in which case there never was any "friend" involved was there? >>>Most guys actually won't even ask for the FWB relationship until way after they've wooed and charmed the chick into getting the first piece of ass, which of course makes the chick think that there's something more. You see because guys are the sweetest ever, opening doors, charming, saying whatever they need to say, holding hands, being romantic and basically acting like they want SOMETHING MORE than just sex. And it's not until after a few times that the woman actually realizes that that's all it really is. The guy then tries to pull the FWB card because he knows she's sucked in. And yes she could then say no, but she has been emotionally snared AND THAT IS WRONG.

Update: June 06, 2009.
First off, plenty of people post things that aren't questions here, but mere opinions and even recipes. If you don't want to read it all, then don't. And this isn't a problem for me. It once was and I see it all around, which is why it still pisses me off. Secondly, it's not always an issue of giving it up too quickly. I can't speak for other women, but I'm sure there are others out there who have had similar situations, where they have demanded more and not settled for less. Where they have made it clear what they want. They've known the man as a friend first and he says and does things to show that he is a good guy. Later on they both decide to enter into a relationship and the man agrees that's what it is and that's what he wants. And months and months go by and then finally they become intimate. Then right after he gets what he wants he becomes distant and decides he wants to take things backwards and be just FWB. Men who see a woman they want will rise to the challenge to get her. I've seen men who have waited and gone the distance only to leave after the thrill of the catch. Just how long are we supposed to wait in order to "weed out" the manipulative assholes? Just because people want something more substantial does not mean they should be abstinent forever because there are so many guys who try and justify their shady ways. Sure the woman can get out, but that doesn't change the damage that's been done.

- Asked by sweetievee, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35

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Well, the situation you're referring to is one in which a guy is being deceptive and manipulative. So, I get being ticked at the reference that the woman made that choice. I also know the difference between a casual sex encounter or "fu*k buddy," and two friends who have no exclusive committed relationship accepting being "friends with benefits." Just as men are well aware of what women need in order to get what they want. Women also need to be aware of how men operate in order to weed out those that are full of crap, and those that truly are worth investing in. The situations where a man can put on a show in order to get a woman to believe they want the same things, get what they want, and then the woman is emotionally snared; are situations where not enough time was allowed for that man to show through their behavior whether they were for real. You can find out if a man's feelings and what they are speaking are legit. Here's how, you simply don't settle for any type of man or relationship that isn't what you want at that time. You choose to be friends without sex. If they can't accept that. Let them move on. Most women want that man so bad, they allow the guy to control the flow of the relationship. Even, if what they want isn't there. Just because they are believing romantic things they are doing or saying.

They know they don't want to have sex that fast. But, they know the guy will lose interest, so they give in. When they realize they are nothing but sex and good times for that guy, they are distraught. Women who want love and a real relationship where there's respect and they are valued, need to require more from that man than just a hot look and great sex. If they want a guy to love them and not just their body. They have to show more to see if the man is interested in the other things about them. If they show their physical or sexual side all of the time, that's what the man is going to be drawn to. They won't care too much about anything else. It doesn't mean they can't truly end up falling for the woman. But, that's the exception. They have to start realizing that they have every right to have the type of relationship they desire just as that man does. But, they seem more willing to give that up in order for attention or any kind of relationship, than none at all. Everyone knows what type of relationship they want. They also know the type of person they want. You don't have to settle. And, that's what some women are not doing but then they complain like they have no responsibility for what they've allowed to happen to them. Even if they have been duped, they don't have to stay there. They need to learn from that experience and not repeat the same pattern in their future dealings with men.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Are you kidding me? FWB is exactly what it says -- it's not a girlfriend. If you can't tell if you're a girlfriend or just someone who has sex with someone, that's not anyone else's fault but yours. And if you realize that you're a FWB and say "well, I can't stop now because I've been 'emotionally snared,'" that's also your own fault. Unless the guy is raping you, you have a choice as to whether you have sex with someone or not. FWB is always consensual.

As I've said, the solution is simple: just wait a little for sex. Instead, many women have the SAME TIRED STORY where they say they waited for the *gasp* SECOND WEEK before having sex with a guy they met (wow, talk about iron will, ladies) and now the guy left them or just uses them for sex. Shocking.

- Response by istillhatescreennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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So what's all this I hear about *Communication is key*? If a couple isn't communicating and making their intentions clear, then yeah, someone's going to get hurt! I'm sorry, but I still don't feel sorry for anyone who gets tangled up in a FWB situation. There's no law stating that a woman can't say, "I'm looking for a relationship and not a fuckbuddy -can you provide that?"

Why is that so hard? Seriously. People get used all the time -and if you ask me, the shit women pull is 100x WORSE than a guy using a chick for sex. ie: "The baby's yours" -when it's really not because she slept with the whole block. Or how about "Oops! That damn birth control didn't work! Teehee!" -when she just wanted to trap the guy that trusted her...That's manipulation to the CORE.

I know it's a tangent...but it just highlights how stupid my own gender is at times. I'm really tired of the "Women are victims" crap. Really fucking tired.

- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35

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I agree with the whole it takes two to tango philosophy. Guys don't have to act like jerks but they do and Women don't have to settle for something less. Yes I think women allow themselves to get hurt if they see that the relationship isn't going anywhere and they stay in it. However, the man can be a bully when he sees a woman's vulnerability and when he takes advantage of that well he's responsible for his choices too.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Student

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"Just how long are we supposed to wait in order to "weed out" the manipulative assholes?" THAT is the condundrum of the whole manipulative dance isn't it? HOW long? What's a good way to filter them out? How do you find out what their agenda is before you invest TOO MUCH time and wasted effort in figuring it out when they are so good at concealing it? I've experienced almost every optional exception to trying to determine or discern a man's true objective when he wants to get involved with me. There have been times in my life where I totally restricted the interactions I had with men to sexual encounters only and ended up frustrated with their overall lack of sexual aptitude. That only concluded me to believe that men will only perform better sexually when they have established that the woman is so emotionally invested in them that she's having sex with them exclusively. Then I tried the 'date and wait' plan-That's where I'd go out on 'qualified' dates with them to determine what their agenda is. Typically men who have prominent bad intentions peter out at about date two. It's the more sophisicated manipulator who is in it for the psychological payoff as well as the physical conquest. He wants reassurance that no woman irregardless of her intelligence level is out of his reach and will utilize patience and charm in order to meet this objective. This type is more difficult to isolate and identify. He does however have a certain number of 'tells' he gives away during the pursuit that women should always look out for. (1) Assigns the assumptive to comments made (2) Will usually make some offhanded claim in jest that he's a 'jerk' (3) Feigns sincerity (this is where the addage "If something looks too good to be true chances are it is" is applicable). There is only ONE SURE FIRE WAY to actually diengage from these types of relationships/encounter s with men. Call them on their bullshit. Tell them to their face that's not what you want. If they are indignant know that your accusation is probably true. If they are indifferent know that they are insincere at best and lacking the emotional maturity to take any responsibility for how their inconsiderate actions affect you. If they respond in kind and say something to the effect of "I don't want to be used either and I respect your position" they might be sincere but then they might be telling you that because they ultimately know that's something you want to hear. You can only take responsibility for your own actions. Blaming him for taking advantage doesn't exempt you from responsibility unfortunately. You can have no strings attached relationships but you have to go into them with your eyes open and you can never have the expectation that a 'friends with benefits' relationship is ever going to evolve into a long term relationship. You have to set the boundaries because the man won't. Men react as far as interpersonal relationships are concerned especially when the type of interpersonal relationship holds the possibility of sexual gratification for them. It benefits them to be vague and dishonest. Honesty rules out the possibility of a sexual encounter. No man is going to jeopardise that.

- Response by spiegelmadchen, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas

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