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Why doesn't he want a relationship with me if he thinks i'm so great?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:49 AM - Tuesday May 26, 2009

Why doesn't he want a relationship with me if he thinks i'm so great?

Ok, i'm really sad here. I went on a few dates with a guy about a year and a half ago and he told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship at the time. I accepted that and we remained friends until now, with him texting me at least once a week or every two weeks and sometimes flirting with me. When i see him, i feel there's amazing chemistry. The last time i saw him was last September and we've kissed every time we saw each other, i never did more than that. But he texts me almost every week and always flirts with me.

Anyway, yesterday i decided to tell him i had developed stronger feelings for him and wanted to know how he felt and see if he would be interested in having a relationship with me. He told me that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life yet (he's in the Navy), and said he's been in long term relationships before and he knows what it's like and doesn't want to be with anyone right now and said he just wants to be my friend. He also said he's trying to improve himself and if he was a girl, he wouldn't want to date himself b/c he has so many negatives. I told him i only see the positive in him. He said it isn't me, I didn't do anything wrong, and that he is only looking for something casual right now.

Anyway, i have to accept that, even though i feel he's my dream guy. I asked why he wanted to be my friend after only 3 dates and he said because he could sense that i was a really good person. He's also said last summer that he wants me to be his bride one day, though he does not want to hold me up. So I get confused by the things he says. He also mentioned a couple times that he thinks his friend would make a better match for me b/c his friend is looking for something serious like me.

He was very clear last night about not wanting a relationship. One thing i'd like to know - usually it is about the girl b/c when a guy really wants a girl, he'll stop at nothing to get her, right?

Do you think it's possible there could be something there in the future, or is this guy totally not that into me?


- Asked by flirtygal, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Science / Engineering

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this guy gets from you what he wants from you, even though it isn't sex, without having a relationship with you. All the alleged perks, none of the responsibility. Don't be so available to this guy. It's just going to make it harder on you since you want more than he is willing to give.

- Response by busyb704, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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A man makes time for a woman if he is interested. He has told you that he doesn't want a relationship and he even went as far as same he wouldn't date himself. I think you are wasting your time and the man has issues.. Don't be tempted by the words one day you will be his bride..A man that is serious buys a ring and proposes not creates fantasies. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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The guy isn't looking for a relationship with you. If a guy is interested in a girl, he'll contact her more than once a week and try to set up some dates.

It seems that he's keeping you around as an option while he discovers what he wants from life and women.

The problem is you're TOO available. This guy knows he can have you and you've admitted your strong feelings for him....so he doesn't have to put much work into a potential relationship with you. And cut out the kissing

- Response by mantis, A Creative, Male, 18-21

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Life is Waaaaaaaay too short for that crap...
ditch him and move on... It'll never happen.

- Response by nicolegillenwater, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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sounds like he still doesn't know what he wants, or that he doesn't deserve you. but he did say he only wants something casual right now, thus the doesn't deserve you. why would you even place yourself in that situation? don't hold on. there is nothing there now except sex buddies. he could change in the future, but it will be because he wants to, not because you change him. no woman can change a man, except when the man wants to change. its time to start walking away. if he's the one, he'll follow. if not, then it was what it was while it lasted.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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First of all, please listen to what he is telling you. He isn't ready for a relationship. I think you should move on and stop taking his texts.

- Response by kutie56, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Newark, Other Profession

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The man told you straight up what he's into right now, and he pulled no punches in doing so. He wants sex without the burden of a committed relationship. And don't be thrown off by him saying he wants you to be his bride "one day". He knows that's what YOU need to hear in order for you to consider allowing him to string you for his own benefit. He doesn't want what you want, bottomline. Kill the fantasies, accept what he's saying, and keep your panties up and your heart closed off to him.

- Response by sxybtch25, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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It's true what there saying this guy dosen't know what he really wants.Don't get me wrong but you are pretty he doesn't know what he's missing out on. move on and find a guy that would really take things seriously because you deserve the best.

- Response by maribelavila, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

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This just happened to me the other day. Rejection is rejection whether it be wrapped in a pretty bow or straight up rude.

This is from him:
I never thought your were throwing yourself at me.. I have enjoyed time with you and love your humor. I'm not a good man for anyone wanting to hook up With me. I will be fun then be a jerk . Just haven't figured that one out. So when I meet
someone that has there life going in the right direction. I have learned to try not to interrupt their momentum. [:)]

So as much as it hurts....I have to listen. What sucks is yes, finally my life is going in the right direction. I'm independent, happy, successful....and still can't get a man. but when I was a mess...I had a man. Doesn't make sense....but I have to accept it. The last relationship I was in, he told me to run, that he was messed up...I didn't listen. I will listen this time....

I have a question...now in the day and age of FB....do I keep him on my friend list or unfriend? I mean...I'm not mad. No hard feelings....but do I let him in my world on FB? I really don't want to see him adding girl after girl on his....

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Internet / New Media

Rating Received:


This just happened to me the other day. Rejection is rejection whether it be wrapped in a pretty bow or straight up rude.

This is from him:
I never thought your were throwing yourself at me.. I have enjoyed time with you and love your humor. I'm not a good man for anyone wanting to hook up With me. I will be fun then be a jerk . Just haven't figured that one out. So when I meet
someone that has there life going in the right direction. I have learned to try not to interrupt their momentum. [:)]

So as much as it hurts....I have to listen. What sucks is yes, finally my life is going in the right direction. I'm independent, happy, successful....and still can't get a man. but when I was a mess...I had a man. Doesn't make sense....but I have to accept it. The last relationship I was in, he told me to run, that he was messed up...I didn't listen. I will listen this time....

I have a question...now in the day and age of FB....do I keep him on my friend list or unfriend? I mean...I'm not mad. No hard feelings....but do I let him in my world on FB? I really don't want to see him adding girl after girl on his....

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Internet / New Media

Rating Received:


This just happened to me the other day. Rejection is rejection whether it be wrapped in a pretty bow or straight up rude.

This is from him:
I never thought your were throwing yourself at me.. I have enjoyed time with you and love your humor. I'm not a good man for anyone wanting to hook up With me. I will be fun then be a jerk . Just haven't figured that one out. So when I meet
someone that has there life going in the right direction. I have learned to try not to interrupt their momentum. [:)]

So as much as it hurts....I have to listen. What sucks is yes, finally my life is going in the right direction. I'm independent, happy, successful....and still can't get a man. but when I was a mess...I had a man. Doesn't make sense....but I have to accept it. The last relationship I was in, he told me to run, that he was messed up...I didn't listen. I will listen this time....

I have a question...now in the day and age of FB....do I keep him on my friend list or unfriend? I mean...I'm not mad. No hard feelings....but do I let him in my world on FB? I really don't want to see him adding girl after girl on his....

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Internet / New Media

Rating Received: