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I dont understand why He cant fall in love with me.
Dating / 3:10 AM - Tuesday May 26, 2009

I dont understand why He cant fall in love with me.

I have been with this guy on and off for 1 year and 6 months. The first time we broke up was because he said his feelings werent growing into love and he didnt want to hurt me. Then 2 months later he comes back to me and says that this time its for real. That this time he is in it for the long run. Now 7 months later i notice a change in him and finally get him to tell me whats going on. He tells me he likes me a lot but like before he cant seem to fall in love with me. That he doesnt understand why his feelings cant grow after such a long time of being with me. He says that i am everything he wants and he just doesnt get why his feelings dont grow. He is willing to stay with me and keep trying since now i know whats going on. He tells me "lets see what happens". Im just getting scared that its just a matter of time until he breaks my heart.

Update: May 26, 2009.
The problem is that i know he isnt using me for sex or anything like that. The reason why i cant let him go so easily is because this is actually a really good guy. He is one of those "keepers". So i say to myself, why cant he be for me. I am a good person and i am a keeper too. Lets suppose he really does mean everything he says and he wishes with all his heart he could love me but its just not happening and he doesnt understand why. What do you guys think is going on with his head. Ps. Just to let you guys know some back up info... im his 2nd girlfriend after his 1st love which he was with for 4 years right before me. He told me that he once thought she would be the one etc etc. and then she broke his heart. She was his nationality and everything which means alot to his parents. He is very family oriented. And he doesn't talk to her or anything. He had a chance to go back to her but he said no. So i know its not because he still loves her. Do u think that his past has to do with anything of how he is feeling now?? You think maybe his heart is too cautious now and he is not letting himself fall in love??

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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You cannot MAKE someone fall in love with you. I am SURE that you already know that. When physical chemistry is absent, it would be almost impossible to ever hope for the situation to get better.

Do you really want to be with a person that is not crazy in love with you? And, this on again; off again attitude that he has could get very annoying, to use a nice word.

He is just using up years of your life. And, just as you fear, deep down, he will one day announce that he has met someone else that HE IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH and he is so sorry but he must follow HIS HEART.

My suggestion would be to save your heart NOW. Stop this and walk away. It was not meant to be. You deserve better.

I do not think that I said one single thing that YOU did not already KNOW. :(

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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Community Rating: Community Star

You cant say that someone is everything you want and then say my feelings cant grow for you and I'm not in love with you. Drop this dead weight fast. He's sending your emotions thru an atom smasher. You dont need this shit in your life when theres plenty of people who can be with you and accept you for what and who you are and are willing to be open and honest enough to express it in every way imaginable. Good luck. Chin up. Smiles.

- Response by mortaune, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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i'm sorry for what you are going through...but if someone doesn't love you back theres no point in holding on to this man...for your own good let him go find the one he needs and you inturn make yourself available for a man that will love you.

- Response by abcgirl, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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Love doesn't happen by keep trying! One day love will happen to him with someones else and he will leave you suddenly and broke. Leave today. You are not a good match or he cannot love. don't hurt yourself.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Honey, I hate to break it to you, but he's full of you know what. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't toy with you. Someone can be perfect on paper, but if chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. Cut your losses and move on to someone who deserves you.

- Response by lizarella, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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Obviously you can't be everything he's ever wanted, or he'd want you... Unless he's crazy and wants to be in a relationship with someone who's the exact opposite of what he wants... Who knows? Lol!

Anyways, I think he's using you as a security blanket. He doesn't actually want you, but in the meanwhile he hasn't come across anything better, so you'll do for now. And he's openly telling you how much he doesn't feel for you, not to expect anything from him, yet he wants you to stick around and risk your heart and waste your time just to "see what happens".

So you can do just that, "see what happens". Wait around to what you already know will happen. He'll finally leave one day for good, when HE's ready, and you'll be left alone. Why wait around for that? Beat him to the punch...

- Response by sxybtch25, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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sister, you and he are not meant for each other.. he is using you for a booty call.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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Oh, one more thing, regarding the info you put about his ex, etc. That definitely could be a contributing factor, though my prior advice still stands. My guy was divorced 2 years ago and she royally screwed him over, so he is definitely emotionally damaged from that and is holding back. He has all sorts of issues and I am reminding him of some of her qualities and that scares him that he cannot trust his judgment and thought she was the "one," and she totally was NOT, so now he does not trust himself. Yes, I think men put up emotional walls after being hurt by a woman, and maybe time alone with NO CONTACT instigated BY YOU will let him be in his "cave" and process through his emotions b/c men don't tend to be able to process through things until after the fact and until they are ALONE with time to think. It is counter intuitive to us women and we tend to want to run towards them and make them explain things but it just backfires. So, again, read my prior post and we will both follow my advice and see if it works for us ;)

Keep e/o of luck to us both!

- Response by buffiem, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Denver, Lawyer

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