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Married Life / 1:29 PM - Monday May 25, 2009


I am an attractive woman married to an attractive man. All my life, I have dealt with jealous females. I've been married for 14 years and for 14 years women are always flirting and picking up on my husband, even if I'm with him. Men appreciate my appearance but are not distasteful. What's up with the women of today? I've even had "friends" try this stunt behind my back. For my husband, it's an ego trip. Are women that desperate these days, to take sloppy seconds from another woman?

Update: June 09, 2009.
Thank you for all your advice! You all have given some great answers! I know now that 1.) I'm a lucky girl, 2) It is a compliment to me and my husband, 3.) women of today need more boundaries and need to back off, 4) I'm the one who goes home and has him for desert, 5) because of my presence, women want him more.......... So, basically, women can't have what I have...Listen up-HE"S ALL MINE:) My husband is a cajun, very personable and talkative. He is all bark-no bite! Thank you again! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your answers!

- Asked by A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Executive

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I have to wonder does hubby give off signals or does he flirt? I find it hard to believe 14 random women just gravitate to a married man standing with his spouse. Is he totally hot?

- Response by butternutbisque, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think you are just insecure. I even doubt that your husband is specially attractive ( neither you).
This reminds me of a coworker that smells like a dead rat and her husband is the same, I a swear it was hard to me to look at him because it seems he never brush his teeth. Once I heard her saying to everyone at the lunch table taht women are hitting at her husband!! That was the silliest thing that I ever heard.

Needless to say,it turned that she was cheating on him with another cheap guy and she and her husband got divorced.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Yep they are. Isn't it disgusting? Women have no boundaries, it's a shame that you canit trust your "friends" around your husband. I have a good friend who is married to an ex NBA player at one time he was known to be the sexiest man in the NBA he is still absolutely gorgeous. I do everything possible not to look at him, or come over when he is there. Not that I would ever do or try anything. I just don't want her to think that of me. Because I know women are always trying to get at him. It's a shame.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Financial / Banking

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for me it would be he is older hot and married

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Some people don't see their value as they are so they have to 'win' via challenges and competitions, just to feel like they are worth something. It's nothing to date someone free and clear. It's an ego boost to an insecure person if they can 'take' someone elses mate. (Little do they know its more about that committed persons lack of character than it is about them being 'good enough to steal them away').

You did mention something that could contribute to what you're dealing with...You said to your husband, it's an ego trip. If he's getting a kick out of these come-ons (either from your reaction to it or the attention itself), he may be putting out signals that it's possible that they COULD get with him. He could be harmlessly flirting and for some, that's all it takes for them to think it's an unspoken invitation of sorts. I am not saying he's doing anything necessarily wrong--could be his personality and nothing he can do. But if he's aware of it, perhaps he can tone it down when around these cats. Lol

Look, the bottom line is you can't stop what others do. You can't compare yourself, be jealous or worry about what someone else is going to do. Keep your relationship strong and intimate (aka: don't run your mouth about the details to outsiders, coworkers and not even much to friends) and laugh with your mate when you see these cats going after your man. (If they get downright disrespectful, you do have a right to put them in their place, kindly but firmly). Good luck!

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I see a lot of desperate women these days, really desperate! But guess what, you obviously got a hot sexy steamy husband else women would not be flirting around him. You should feel good to know that you got him and they don't. I know you must be tired of this after 14 years but don't let it get to you. That's just the price you pay for having a great husband. after all, great men are far and few in number!!

- Response by naughtysaint, Female, 29-35, Miami, Home Maker

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hey sweetie, we are not all like that. sadly, the skanks are starting to out number the women with class. However, your husband should putting a stop to it whenever possible.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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They obviously have an underdeveloped conscience. Any man who is taken, whether married or just dating, should be off limits.

- Response by guillermina, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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the wifes the looker in this relationship but all her friends would do me too. its great..

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Yep. They're more than willing to take "sloppy seconds", rather than have to admit they can't get - and keep - a man of their own.

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Yeah, it's sick how women can't get their own guy or control themselves. Maybe it has something to do with how much more power women have these days.

- Response by w1derwoman, An Engaged Girl, Female, 26-28, Oklahoma City, Student

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That's why I have always dated and ended up marrying ugly men.
Good Luck

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Houston, Consulting

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well first 'they' don't see it as sloppy seconds and second 'they' just want what is someone elses..............!!!!

- Response by maniacalme, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Executive

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Women of today are fine.

You just a hang out with a trashy crowd. No need to trash all women in general.

- Response by sharonpeters, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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That makes me mad. I hate how sleazy people can be. Just know that he loves you. If he really gets into the flirting, though, then... well he just shouldnt. But really, just know he loves you. Think of it like "THATS RIGHT BITCHES! HES MINE!"

- Response by mlcoast2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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I know how frustrated you are. While I've never been married, I dated someone from work (he was single too) and all the women at the office saw it as their business to flirt with him as much as possible, as soon as they found out we were attached. Why they deliberately and very obviously flirted with him I will never know. My boss even set him up on dates! The thing was, I really cared about him, but knew we probably weren't right for each other; for some reason everyone else saw it as their business to make us break-up with as much pain as possible on my end.
The best I could do in that situation was not act jealous. Just pretend like it wasn't bothering me, but it really drove me nuts. It was all day, every day. Now that we are nowhere near together, none of them give a care about what he does. I guess we never know why we are forced to suffer sometimes.

Anyways, I know how you feel, and it must be especially hard because you are married to the guy. I imagine you must be angry with your husband about it as well, since I was angry with the guy too. In fact, thinking back, I've never been involved with a guy and not had another woman get in the way, never. Sucks doesn't it? My brother told me it's because my interest in a guy provides social evidence that he is valuable and the fact that other girls are interested in the same guy I am interested in means they value my opinion. Great I thought, who cares if they value my opinion, right?

Okay, here's my advice: Don't act jealous, keep your friends on a short leash around your husband but make sure they still like you, try not to be angry with your husband (this will only push him away), maintain you confidence/sex appeal, stay interesting, and try to create some social desire for yourself (men are very responsive to competition) - it doesn't have to be over the top, just something to show him you have other options too (I could never do this because my dept was all women and the one guy).

Other than that, take heart sister and don't feel like you're alone in your situation, know that there are plenty of women who will respect your marriage and your boundaries and will stay away from your husband. Try to find these women and bring them into your life.

- Response by A Player, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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For 14 years your husband has been encouraging other women to flirt with him - That's why. A better question to contemplate is just how far he encourages other women to go when you aren't sitting right there.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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It could be worse. I had several gay men make approaches when I was with my ex. I wasn't sure whether I should be flattered, embarrased or what. And my ex just laughed.

- Response by music1358, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Sydney, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I understand how you feel, but you can always think of it as a sort of compliment that they find your husband hot.

I had a girl hit on my husband when we were engaged. I just said "Hi I'm Amy, Matt's fiancee." The look on her face was priceless!!!

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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- Response by i124q, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Some people simply have that animal magnetism. Everything about them, their apperance, their attitude, their stances, the way they speak, simply bring out the animal nature in some women. That said, if you and your husband are very, very happy together, that also shows, and tends to attract more members of the opposite sex. If people can see that he's making you happy, then they're gonna want a piece of it.

That said, there are also women who always specifically look for the more attractive and unattainable men. (And that's not saying only women do it) It's a challenge, be so sexy, so desirable that this man is willing to forsake his vows and come to them. I have a personal issue with women of that nature, they will never know happiness themselves. So, yes, there are some women who are just that desperate for a sexy man to touch them, please them, as they see with you.

- Response by doom2ruler, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Technical

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I can really relate to your posting. My (considerably older husband) who happens to look like a movie star, is constantly being hit on by both older and younger woman. Let me tell you it's the OLDER women who are vicious about it. I have had two of them come right out and tell me he should not be married to me! When we first got engaged I received three "hate mails" from three different I stole him from the gene pool of older men or something!
I too am a reasonably attractive, mature female. I am successful at my career and well-educated.
I guess I would say to the lady who posted this...we were just raised better!

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You said that your husband likes the ego trip that he gets from these women's attention. Don't blame them, blame him. He's doing something to encourage these women to take the next step. Without his "openness" I seriously doubt that these women would even try. They probably think that he is looking.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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Since you said it's an ego trip for your husband, he's obviously been encouraging these come ons for the last 14 years. Blame him, not the girls. He's probably smiling at other girls or making fun of you behind your back when you're doing your own thing (AKA spending way too long in the bathroom or complaining how much your heels hurt), and the women can relate to this so they come over and talk to him. Very rarely do girls approach guys out of the blue. 99% of the time it's the other way around so chances are your guy is giving the girls positive signals before they come over.

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Take yourself and your husband away and live alone in a high mountain were you enjoy each other attraction to the rest of your life without people staring you and him!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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you say he is attractive man yet you refer to him as a sloopy seconds in the close of your rant. interting word play from you.

all this in front of you, wonder what is going on when your not there during all the 14 years. hmmmmm

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Executive

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I think it is evidence that biologically acknowledgement that men are not to be limited to one woman. (Men cheat women get mad, but women seem to all want the same men). Its primordial biology that we are trying to buck and the sooner we get back to basics in our marital relationships the better for our psyches.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Lawyer

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yep. grpa used to say, "marry an ugly man, so women wont try to take him away from you" ... lol

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I have the same problem. My boyfriend of 13 years is 5 years younger than I am and he is very good looking. He is an independent contractor, works hard, and many of his customers are women. He claims he is going thru a mid-life crisis and has told me that women are always hitting on him. At gas stations, hardware stores, his customers...etc. I don't know why he told me this. It only worries me and makes me feel jealous and insecure. As time progresses, it seems I become less desirable to the opposite sex and the pool of women who want him increases. Like all women from 20 - 50 yrs old are flirting with him. He says he is not sending out signals. I do believe that many woman who are unhappy and unattached are ruthless and have no boundaries. It's disgusting. My man does enjoy the ego boost and I don't know if he is strong enough or has the character to resist these come-ons. I'm sick about it.

- Response by 1scornedwoman, Female, 46-55, Detroit

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I have been married for 7 years to a wonderful good looking man, and I have also been told I am too, problem is....women are so aggressive nowadays, they have come onto him in front of me, I actually had to dump a friend of mine that kept asking him to come over to her home to do work for her, he never did, but she just wouldn't stop...
I told my husband he is sending off these signals, probably because he was single for many years before we were married, so I think it's something he does without knowing it. I also told him he needs to be careful, because it's not just him now I am involved with him. He has been more so lately, things have gotten better. I did notice it a little while dating but didn't think too much of it, I guess if I would have known then what I know now, I would have dated him awhile longer and see what would have really happened. Dating Beware, be careful, of who you see and notice small things, they may end up biting you later on in the relationship or marriage.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 56-65, Columbus, Who Cares?

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Well sometimes good looking people are hard
Not to notice ..your husband knows his good looking
And uses that to make you jealous ... He likes the attention
He gets from other woman it's like a "high" for him
And his going around feeling like a god and he doesn't
Want to come down from the clouds ... And your probably
Telling your hubby it's ok to hurt you emotionally since you've
Resist it it for fourteen years .... Let him get a taste of his own medicine.
Your welcome!!!!!!! :)

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami

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I have the same problem. Women are very aggressive these days. I think there is a clear lack of respect and realization of boundaries. I dont think you're insecure. Until you're in this position, it's hard to understand. I consider myself an attractive woman too. It was my thought that I do bring attention to my husband. Ive never said anything to anyone. Although I am tempted to ask why these women (of all ages & relationships) feel the need to tell me how cute my man is? Why? I don't ask...

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles

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