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Friends & Money - What do you do when you loan money to a friend.
Friendship / 4:39 PM - Sunday May 24, 2009

Friends & Money - What do you do when you loan money to a friend.

When you loan a friend money and then ask them to pay it back and they give excuses every time. This has been going about a year since they were suppose to pay it back. What do you do?

Update: May 24, 2009.
Yes friends are worth more than money, I agree with the small amounts. It was more than that. I did make a contract, but do I enforce it and loose a friend is my problem. I value the friendship of this person. I don't need the money, but the principal of helping a friend in need was the reason of loaning. I guess as some say, i'll wait and hope they will come around and pay up. If not I guess they weren't really friends.

- Asked by lifestyle, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Houston

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I don't ever ask for money back. Just consider it a gift, and that friend will never ask you for money again. If they do, then you can bring it back up.

- Response by workplay, A Career Man, Male, 29-35, Military

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Community Rating: Community Star

Depending upon just how much we are talking about
draws some lines in the sand as to what's to be done.

Under $100, I'd just WRITE IT OFF as a loss & lesson.
Over that... then, we may need to go into litigation.

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Celebrity

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Well.......I agree with the is a loss.........of either the money or the friendship........becau se unless you want to take him to small claims court, with strong proof that you LOANED him the money, and lose the friendship......the money is gone for good.

- Response by zibet58, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Teaching

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take a contract out on the person

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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i dont. i give it to them. if i cant afford to, i dont

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, New Orleans, Transportation

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"If you lend money to a friend and you never see them again, it was money well spent"

- Response by fastercat, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Indianapolis, Other Profession

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Mister...really. Aren't you old enough to have figured out you never "loan" money UNLESS you're 100% willing to NEVER see it again?

People need loans in the first place because they are desperate. Sometimes one year isn't going to change that basic state of affairs.

Now, if the guy is back on his feet and doing well---and you really want your money back, you'll have to not act like a friend but like a loan officer---and force the issue.

Either way-----unless he just up and OFFERS the money back as he said he would, your friendship with him is probably screwed up by now because of this.

If you can afford to---I'd say just let it go. Forget about it. Never mention it again.

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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I make it a point to never lend money to friends. If I do its never more than I can afford to lose. I trust my friends and I expect them to pay it back but if theres one thing that loses friends and alienates people its money. Money comes and goes but good friends and family are harder to replace.

- Response by shyguy63, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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Money has caused the breakup of many friendships and caused many family problems.
My policy is that If I can't afford to give it,I don't loan it.
Then if they pay it back,,,good,and if they don't, no harm done!

- Response by randolph, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 66 or older, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You have to decide whether you want to maintain a friendship or get the money back. A friend would have made small payments, at least, and talked about what they could do, keeping whatever commitment they had made. A pretend friend makes excuses for a year. You read my bias...

- Response by stoney07, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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You have to either forget the money or forget the friend. If they haven't paid you in a year, they don't plan on paying you back at all.

- Response by bayshoregirl, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, New York, Retired

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I do not loan friends money I just give it to them

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Dont lend a friend money,..... Period..... If you want to give it to them it's a different story.,..... But more friendships end on Re=paying a loan than anything else........ If you really want the money and not the friendship...... you can get it......... Just start asking for your money in front of your other friends..... and then be sure and tell them what a dead beat he /she is....... You will get your money eventually...... but it will probably cost your friendship.....

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Chalk it up as a loss. You're never going to see that money again. By the way, that's not much of a friend if she/he did that to you. Of course, if there is more involved, I gave you a flip answer. But that's all you asked.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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A simple answer... I don't loan money to friends. Period. You listed the reason well.
Now if they have something to give as collateral then I will think about it..... It's how I have ended up with a good portion of my gun collection and an $1800 set of clubs for $300.
The funny thing is that even at a loan rate of 15 cents per dollar of worth, something else always seems to be more important than buyback.... go figure.

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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If it's a friend, it's a gift. If I can't afford to give it away, I don't "lend" it.

- Response by buffalothighs88, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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Tell them you will take payments on the loan. Once they give you a partial payment, make them sign an aggreement that they will continue making payments and make sure you note the balance due. You are not a bank, they are lucky that you leant it to them otherwise they would have to pay interest on the loan, some as high as 20%. If its less than $100 then just stay persistant about it. You can make up reasons why you need your money back. Anymore than $100, be willing to take payments and make sure you don't lend them money again. I've been in your shoes and I was so embarrased to have to be asking for it back. I finally got paid back in payments. it was a $300. loan for a friend who had outstanding warrants. Won't do that again. Good luck!

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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Hi Lifestyle!...Unless the loan was in writing to be paid back to you, especially if it was a large amount, then there's nothing you can do. Taking it to small claims court wouldn't help, either, because you have no proof of the loan. I've learned from past experience that lending money to friends is not a good idea for that reason. Good luck! :)

- Response by scrapper1941, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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- Response by lynn65, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Thats the worse thing u can do....NEVER loan money to a friend.
It always winds up badly. Just forget about it. 1 year & no payment, No friend!!!!

- Response by spitfire815, A Hippie Chick, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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Never loan someone more than you can afford to lose. My s.o. and I learned this the hard way. Since we got "burned", it's surprising how infrequently we give ("loan") someone money. This is especially true when it comes to family members. Our children (now full grown adults), must sign a mutually agreed upon contract. We choose to NOT charge them any interest unless they reneg upon the deal.

Kiss this loan good bye and use it as a learning tool.

Much luck,

- Response by familygal, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I consider it tuition paid in the school of hard knocks.
There are reasons why saying such as "Neither a lender nor borrower be" - because it is so easy for a borrower to forget and a lender to remember, tearing relationships apart.
I've lost money and lost friends this way. The money was the easy part.

- Response by monana, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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true friends pay it back, while users make up the excuses

- Response by dastephan6, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Boston, Who Cares?

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It is said that money is the biggest friend of all. that's why they don' want to part with it.

Now loose your friends or loose money. You have to be bitter with them if you want to recover.

- Response by counsellor, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Delhi, Self-Employed

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when you loan a friend money your actually are giving it to them!


Its been about 10 years now and everytime I see them - 'they' tell me they are gonna give it to me next week --- next week comes and goes and so the story goes on and on and on.

- Response by maniacalme, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Executive

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I evaluate the value of the relationship and then I either write it off and continue to be friends or demand it back knowing that it will probably alter or even end the relationship. It is always a tough call. And I have lost some "friends" this way. And what is really sad is that I continue to loan money and stuff to friends. Apparently I don't learn...

- Response by cmbsharks, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 56-65, Tampa, Science / Engineering

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Well this why I never mix money with friends. However, I will say this.... When a friend ask for a large sum, I would tel them that they have to pay me back or there will be interest. I make money into a business affair. Once they hear that then you can tell who will pay and who will not pay back. In other words who will respect you or not. So still annoy them to pay them back. But let them know that your trust for them is being tested and once it is tried, they will not be welcomed the same way. Good Luck

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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Well I would talk to the police and see if thers anything they can do, or you could press charges. If all fails, give the money up as lost and dont lend him money any more. Neither a barrower or a lender be.

- Response by tomriddle1, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Other Profession

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I seldom loan money out. If I do it is usually to my adult kids and it is given back at tax time. I do their taxs and it gets deposited into my account and I pay them what is left over. I use to loan money to a friend but I always told her it was my mortgage money and if she didn't pay it back when it was due my entire family was moving in. I was the one person she always paid back. LOL

- Response by maturewoman, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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I stopped lending more than 100.00 to anyone. And to people I barely know, I do not give money. Because it is embarassing to try to chase it down. And not everyone's word is good, regardless of a contract or not. Most people know you will not take them to small claims court. Sad, but true. Money should really only be lent to family members, and even that gets sticky.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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This has happend to me recently.I simply back off on the friendship.As you said they never realy were friends to begin with.Loosing the friend hurts but watching them act like you owed it to them hurts more.Hope you have better luck collecting than I did. s

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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I learned the first time that happened...that if I give money to anyone including family, to never expect it back...

I only give when I know it won't hurt me...

Your friend truly isn't your friend for putting you in that position in the first place...

and if you're concerned about the friendship....let the monetary issue go....just don't ever lend him or her money again unless you expect to not expect it back....

your friend obviously doesn't care about the the next time he asks just say no...sorry but it's a principal thing...

if it's a significant amount....statute is 3 years in most states...when you decide he's a friend best not having, then you really should seek judgement against him, it'll make hime think about ever asking anyonee else in the future for money withougt paying it back...

- Response by sushihoney, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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Count your loss and lose the jerk and remember from your mistakes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,

- Response by flyinghawaiian56, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Transportation

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Tell them the 8th Commandment: "Thou shalt not steal."

- Response by thundermist04167, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I don't loan money to friends. It never ends well.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I've been taught never to loan out more money than I can afford to lose. You may never see that money again. I find that person to be extremely selfish, dishonest, and a liar. Selfish because they know you'd like to have your money back so that you can spend it on something you need or want. Dishonest and a liar because there's no way that excuse after excuse for a YEAR can all be true. The pattern definitely says that he has NO intention whatsoever of paying it back. Ever.

I certainly hope that, though HE seems to keep "forgetting" to pay you back, that YOU don't forget what kind of a borrower he is. Borrowing with no intention of paying it back, while telling you verbally that he WILL, is tantamount to THEFT. Next time he wants to borrow money, I hope you have the guts to remind him that he never paid you back the last time you loaned him money. Stand your ground. Good thieves are also very adept at being a con artist; crying, whining, begging, etc.

I read this somewhere: If you loan someone some money and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Apparently you think the friendship is worth saving more than your friend feels that way. Too bad for him.

- Response by prettyhappy, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Seattle, Medical / Dental

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You need to follow through with your contract that your friend signed. Small Claims Court is there for a reason, and unfortunately that's what this has come to. That's why Judge Judy and all the other TV Judges are in business, because unfortunately, friends and money don't mix well. If there was a time that this person was supposed to begin payment and you have not received it, or they made partial payments and they stopped payment, they signed a contract with you, and it is within your legal right to a return of your money. If you choose to wait for a few years without doing anything, and then take it to court, the likelihood of you getting a judgment in your favor, may not be as good as if you do it now.
It doesn't have anything to do with your "need" for the money. It has to do with the fact that a person, friend or not, borrowed money from you, signed a contract and needs to pay it back. People need to be held accountable for the decisions they make. That includes the lender and the borrower. So, go to Small Claims Court and get your money back. A year has already gone by, and I'm sure that if you continue to wait, you'll be dead long before this person decides it's time to pay you back.
Good Luck with it. Hope it works out. Keep all receipts and bank statements that indicate you withdrew the money from your account or a copy of the Bank Check with this persons signature on it, and any partial payments that were made to you by your friend. This is a "business transaction" and has nothing to do with whether or not you like or don't like the person, or if that person likes or doesn't like you.

- Response by bnotafraid, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Hopefully by now you realize they never intended to repay you and are not a true friend, those are the first two things. If it was in writting tell them HEY we have got to have a plan or to court we go. If it was just verbal, YOU ARE SCREWED TWICE! Not a friend anymore or maybe in the beginning and on the money issue, ASK FOR THEM TO AT LEAST KISS YOU! I am being for real!

- Response by blucat, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Executive

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i hate to say it but, they are lacking in there respect for you as there supposed friend,when they borrowed the money from you they probably new they were never going to pay it back,figuring you would'nt need it, and figured you would just write it off as oh well their my friend, i can see that is does bother you though,so it must be over $100,i would say something like listen i thought you were my friend and i could count on you, do you ever plan on paying me back. if they get mad then they never did and you dont need that kind of friend anyway.

- Response by tammy1, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I am very upset that a friend has not paid me back. I inheredity some money and lent them $7,000 to buy a car. It's been 3 years now and I need it due to loss of job. This same person I felt sorry for, was on my cell plan along with her 2 kids. The agreement was to help pay me each month. Well 8 months went buy and I couldn't pay any more. I asked her for payment and said she didn't have any money that things are tight. They tack on late charges,and breaking agreement contracts and turned me over to a collection agency. She left me in the hole for 1,300 for the cell. She claims she doesn't have it. She claims she is a christian. No attempts to pay me back but you buy 2 computers for your use since then? Why do people have no guilt or remorse? I am in desperation now and need money and she can't and won't pay me back or help me out. Why, do you think your in titled? I am so mad. I requested her to start paying me back and had given her 3 years with out asking. She is ignoring me. I have learned a valuable lesson. I am not here to be your free bank.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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- Response by A Career Man, Male, 36-45

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