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My "friend" only calls me when she wants something.
Friendship / 3:31 AM - Sunday May 24, 2009

My "friend" only calls me when she wants something.

Whenever there's a party or an event that she didn't get an invite to, she calls me a day or two before without a doubt and asks if we can go together. Her ex boyfriend and I run in the same circle-a circle that she isn't a part of. I went with her to a few parties after we first met but I soon realized that she doesn't anyone at these parties so she won't leave my side. I usually wouldn't mind except that she goes all week without sending me a single text but every Friday she asks if we can go on my "Happy Hour Epic" barhop because she wants wristbands & free drinks and I know the bartenders & doormen.

She's a nice girl but I don't want friends who want to be friends with me for what I can do for them. At the same time though, I don't want to be a bitch and ignore her calls & texts. How can I slowly let her go without abruptly not answering her weekly texts after I made it habit to always answer for months??

- Asked by ibhyper, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Student

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Turn your cell phone off for a few days. You never got her message, that's all. Pretend you left it in the car or lost it temporarily, if you run into her afterwards. Give yourself a break. It isn't a bad idea to do that in general once in a while. You will be amazed how it gives you a break from everyone. Good luck.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older, Philadelphia, Retired

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why dont you reverse the roll and call her during the week and ask her to arrange a friday night out somewhere other than your usual hang outs, you will soon find out if she is your friend or not. I also think that you need to tell her how you feel. It is always better to be honest. She will eventually drop you and hang onto someone else who is more popular so rather confront her now than be hurt by her later on.

- Response by royaljane, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Cape Town, Self-Employed

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Community Rating: Community Star

Better to brush off such sticky friends.

For 2-3 times, just tell her it will not be possible to take her along. She should take the hint.

Then when you take her along, gently tell her to leave you alone to enable you to move in your own circle and to develop her own circle there.

Maybe introduce her to some male friends there, who will take adequate interest in her.Also tell her to be adequately interesting for the guys in parties, to be invited and welcome.

Also tell her, in your circle it is considered indecency just to go to events for freebies alone.

- Response by counsellor, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Delhi, Self-Employed

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I have a guy friend like that -- always asks for rides, money, to stay over, for favors, phone sex, free back massages, ..... I ignored his calls for a good while, and he still calls ME !!! I cannot figure this one out. I am not sleeping with him. He knows a lot of the same people I know. I don't give him money or rides anymore, and he still calls... When I ignore dhim, he said, Oh, you don't want to be my friend anymore. I feel a bit bad for him, because he lsot both his parents, and I don't want to be ULTRA mean to him..... because he is already in pain, and unfortunately he does cocaine,and I do not. It seems like an imbalanced friendship like mine is. I try to look for the good in people, but some people ar ein too much pain. I wish u luck.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You sound really nice, so you can ignore the "call" or you can ask her why she does this? tell her you don't like being 2nd choice and see what she says.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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you are going to find 90% of people arent worth knowing
they are only your friend when they want somthing
If you need somthing from them
forget it

- Response by vank356, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Technical

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Just start to have plans if she wants to get together or be too busy to talk or text say I will get back to you then do not she will eventually catch on

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Tell her what you have told us. You are making her codependent on you for outings.
Say, lets go to some places that you can get me into and see what she says.
Some people you have to let them know how you are feeling and there is no easy way to let them go....
Next time you have other things to do without her....
You are not obligated to call her back....!!!!!!

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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