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Husband works full time, won't pay share of house bills. I work part-time & am living pay to pay.
Married Life / 11:05 AM - Saturday May 23, 2009

Husband works full time, won't pay share of house bills. I work part-time & am living pay to pay.

Husband says if I need extra money to get full time job and also I should be buying groceries.House is paid off for one year and no car payments. Should I leave him?

- Asked by marieelaine, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Administrative

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All couples fight over finances. But the fact that the house is paid off for a year and there's no car note says he must be paying something. Unless you make a full time wage on part time effort, obviously he's contributing. What bills are you guys fighting over anyways? The utilities?

If you want him to supplement the money you put towards bills so you can have your own personal indulgences, and he won't and tells you to get a full time job, then do just that. Is there some reason why you can't work full time?

Bottomline, I don't believe this is a divorce-worthy situation. Unfortunately he's a tight wad. If you don't like it, make more of your own money. Maybe he's resentful for having to carry the burden of working the most. You don't mention children. If there are, then that's added stress, responsibility, and COST right there. Get to the bottom of his issue and work on it! You can leave if you want to, but every man has his quirks, and they can be better or far worse than what you're presently experiencing. At least if you stay where you are you'll know what you're up against.

- Response by sxybtch25, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I think I'd start putting my money in the bank and only taking care of my needs too. He's either spending his money on something he shouldn't, or one of the biggest assholes on the planet. Are the utilities in your name or his? Does he help with housework? Women are suppose to do it ALL, remember? ;p Why don't you work full time?
*sigh* too many questions lol

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Okay, here's what I figure a fair way to share. Three accounts - mine, yours and ours. All bills and household expenses are paid from ours - including tickets for vacations and so on. Each person pays into ours according to how much they earn. If he earns 70% more, he should pay 70% more of the expenses.

- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Just goes to show that all the A'ology chatter about marriage being nothing more than a means allowing women to get a hold of men's money is all a bunch of hooey. It's perfectly possible, apparently, for the man to shield his assets from his wife, to such a degree that he's actually living off of her while keeping all his money to himself.

However, I would have to concur with at least one of your other respondents in noting the likelihood that his money had something to do with the house and car being paid off in full. Perhaps you and he had come to an agreement whereby he would take on those burdens of financial responsibility in exchange for you taking over the ongoing utility bills. If you had struck such an bargain, it should have been for a set period of time; the utilities go on and on and there is no end date, therefore they end up costing more in the long run than a mortgage and car payments. Perhaps you did work that proviso into the agreement, and you've just forgotten. Or perhaps it's time for you to calculate how many more months you need to be exclusively responsible for the bills before you reach the amount he paid for the house and car. At that point, it would be time to sit down at the kitchen table with the man and renegotiate terms.

My fiance and I are pooling our resources, which, in a mutually beneficial household with the mutually lived life of a couple, only makes sense; both of our incomes constitute our income as a couple and a domestic unit -- a family, if you will. One of the advantages to marriage and this pooling of income is that it allows us both to raise our standard of living together. There are two bills that are exclusively mine, which I am bringing into the marriage, and my salary will exclusively pay those off. He has expenses related to his son for which he is exclusively responsible. After those personal liabilities, we will have four accounts between us: our two personal (checking/savings) accounts to which neither of the others have access, a joint savings account and a joint checking account. Our paychecks get divided up between those accounts, and the joint checking account is what we use when we pay bills, buy groceries, go out to eat together and make other sorts of joint purchases that benefit us both as a household/couple. That way, there is no bickering over who paid for what. The only point of negotiation is in how much each contributes to the pool.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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This is confusing to me. You are married, yet you still call it your money and his money? So you still have a line in the sand?

That is not a situation I would ever want to be in. In my marriage, regardless of what each person earns, it is OUR money as a whole. Both our checks go into the same account and it is divided up from there for bills, savings etc.

Perhaps you should consider full time employment? If you have kids and they are at school all day, then you may as well.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35

Rating Received: should ask him to leave. Life is too short to put up with his B.S. Sometimes being alone would be better than being miserable and having second thoughts.

- Response by suzanm, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Houston, Medical / Dental

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- Response by daddyknows, Female, 56-65, Portland, Who Cares?

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