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What would you do if your teenager hit you?
Family & Parenting / 11:41 AM - Tuesday May 19, 2009

What would you do if your teenager hit you?

This is just a hypotheticl question, I don't even have teenagers. I was just wondering if you would strike them back, or if you would be worried that it would be considered child abuse? Is it? When could it be considered self defense? What would you do?

Update: May 21, 2009.
Sorry people, I meant to send the last message to one person, not "all who responded". Didn't mean to share all that with all of you, but whata ya gonna do? LOL

Update: May 21, 2009.
Dont' let your anger get the best of you. When I was 14, my step-dad molested me and my mom chose him over me and kicked me out. It was a serious thing, I mean he went to jail, I had social services coming into take me out of class all the time, etc. So, I know what it feels like to hate a step parent. In your case, unless he becomes violent with you, I would just hang in there and try to concentrate on school and friends and stay away from him as much as possible. It would be great if you two could go do something together and bond, but I doubt you're up for that. Good Luck. Don't do anything too crazy.

- Asked by hollywould23, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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My teenage step-son is 13, but bigger than I am. He's 5' 10" and 190 pounds and strong. (I'm 5'8" and 175 ... and strong) He has become very aggressive with his mother, whom I would protect at all costs. So yes, even though I might end up in county, I'd have to kick his ass if he it her. So far, I have been there to break things up before something bad happened.
If he hit me? I'd probably NOT hit him. I would probably hug him, and let him know I could really hurt him, if I didn't love him.
I think that would have profound effects on the young mind...

I think it is self defense when you are in real physical danger. With kids, unfortunately, the law only sees age, not the fact that they're huge!

- Response by mike6131, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Let me tell you something (please)...
If a child/teenager happen to hit their parent...then it would be because that is what he/she has been seeing their whole life....
Abuse is a behavior that has been taught!! Children who witness abuse or get abused themselves tend to repeat the cycle!!

The parents are role models. The children are carbon copies of THEM!!

I grew up with my mother calling me names....soooo I happen to handle my anger [towards her]the same way...

I have NEVER called my children names [or hit them for that matter] and they have NEVER called me a name or even thought of hitting me!!

If you give respect...you get it!! Bottom line.

Now if a child was to hit a parent out of the blue and there has never been any abuse (verbal or physical) then "something is VERY wrong" and that child is calling out for help...with negative attention!!!

That would be a very big red flag if it was "out of the blue" but still I don't think someone would just start to hit someone unless they have been taught that behavior to begin with!!!

Im just saying....

- Response by jackie1966, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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you guys are alll haterssss!!
im 16 and i would never hit my parents.
im outa this site
you guys are all loners

- Response by pinkaction00, A Player, Female, 18-21

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and u guys are all sad
no life
sad
and no life

- Response by pinkaction00, A Player, Female, 18-21

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Hit him back.

And then make him go to his room and ground him.

- Response by desota18, A Creative, Male, 22-25, Self-Employed

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Well, I'm pretty strong, and I plan on making sure that I stay strong as I get older.

If a kid of mine ever hit me, I would just grab their wrists and restrain them. If they were small enough to carry, I would carry their sorry ass into their room and close the door.

You don't actually need to whup a kid to make them remember that you are bigger and stronger than they are.

- Response by mistresswench69, A Player, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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I would be shocked and devastated. Physical "force" was never part of my upbringing and it's not a part of my daughter's either so I'd wonder why she resorted to that. I wouldn't hit her back I'd just make her SERIOUSLY regret laying a hand on me. She would have no life, no freedom, no NOTHING for a very long time.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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My fiances mother was holding him by his hair at 13 years old, and beating him. So He pushed her off, not hit... And she called the cops on him.. Bruises and everything, the cops still believed her story and took him to juvi..
Friends and family all know what really happened.. But the moms story is, he was chasing his twin bro with a knife so the only thing she could do to stop him was hit him.. Yah so he has a juvi record cuz him mom is psycho. Anyone who knows him know's not only is he amazing, but he wouldn't hurt a fly even if the fly hurt him first! Either way, If my child hit me.. I wouldn't hit them bc it only shows violence.. Not teaching them anything, only provoking. seems the 'hitting' child got the behavior somewhere.. I would quickly get him into a community service program though.. Something to occupy his time.. If you lock him/her up in their room, they will resent you! Thats a toughy

- Response by adickted2pink, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Houston, Law Enforcement

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I agree with Eddie Murphy. . . . .



"I brought ya' into this world, and I can sur as hell take ya' out - - - 'n make another one; look JUST LIKE ya'..."

- Response by bytor, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I'd stop the attack by restraint, but I couldn't see that I'd hit back. I'm pretty strong and think I could restrain my daughter if she ever went nuts and tried that... It's a good thing this is not something I have to worry about. Respect for others, esp Parents and elders was instilled in her from birth. I couldn't see she'd suddenly stray from that after 19yrs. Lol

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I'm knocking them on their ass. No question. You just don't disrespect a parent that way. Unless they are abusing you and you're defending yourself.

- Response by wudaddy, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Dallas, Law Enforcement

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That would never happen. I would make sure that in the very beginning that they would even fear the idea of hitting Mom or Dad. Through installing the knowledge very early that Dad can and will beat the shit out of them if they even came so close as to raising their hand to any of the parental units.

- Response by nomayo, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Fitness

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If my teenager ever hit me, life as he knows it would be over. Police, community service, homeschooling. He would be miserable. Thank god with the one that's a teenager now I could never see him doing that. My oldest daughter on the other hand is making me dread her teenage life and we are years away but I can tell it won't be good.

- Response by almostcoolmom4, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, New York, Other Profession

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First off my kid would never hit. If I raised them right with manners, respect and honor I would never have to worry about it. Now if my kid hit me. I'd kill them. Yes, like Ol' Yeller's rabid end I would assume my child had contracted some incurable disease and kill them to avoid the spread of the diseae. JK, honestly if that happened, my child would officially be home schooled. That's right. I would not let my child out of my house or my sight if I knew that it was in them to act in this manner. After all they are representative of myself and my family and that demands respect. If a child cannot control themselves in their own house then what are they like outside of the house. Sorry but until I had dealt with my child's misbehavior at the teenage level then they are not allowed to be out in the public (where hitting people gets you thrown in jail).

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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Neither of mine have ever raised a hand to me. If they ever did, God help them.

My son is 18. He loves and respects me as any son should. If the day ever came where he hit me (which I cannot even imagine in my wildest dreams), I would have the police remove him.

My daughter is 14. Same thing, very respectful, loving girl. If the day ever came where she hit me, I'd probably physically drag her to her room where I'd put a chair against the door until she was ready to come out and apologize. Be that a day or a month later.

We don't hit at my house. The general teaching there being that people who resort to hitting are simply too stupid to win an argument with their brain. And let's face it, no one wants to be stupid. They saw enough of that from their father.

- Response by southjerseygirl, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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i have no clue what i would do. i have a 13yr old and a 16yr old but can't image that either would. i guess it depends on how they hit you, how hard they hit you and if they hit you repetatively. If you feel as if you are in danger unless you defend your self then it's self defense. i would say that it is child abuse if you hit them first and if they hit you and walked away but not if you were in danger

- Response by joent612, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Administrative

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Well my belief is that there aren't bad kids, just bad parents. If your child has enough guts to physically harm you or anyone else then you went wrong somewhere as a parent.. thats just my parenting opinion..

- Response by aon007, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Salt Lake City, Science / Engineering

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id be hurt. but hed be on the ground crying.

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I would get my taser and zap him accidently.

- Response by lindawilltry, Female, 46-55, Tampa, Fitness

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It just wouldn't ever happen. We don't let emotions get that pent up and out of control.
But..
Let's say it does-
It would be wise to step back and let them calm down- I'm sure tears would ensue...
we would then talk and come together- I would be hurt, but know it was them screaming out of frustration.

- Response by momharleyxl, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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If my teenager ever hit me, I wouldn't hit them back but I would sure let them know that was the one and ONLY time that they would be striking out at me...I would probably need some cooling down time but I would let them know that there is absolutely NO WAY IN HELL that violence should ever be a part of a disagreement...I would probably let them know that using violence only causes more problems and that if they ever, EVER feel a need to hit, they need to walk away/run away/whatever and calm themselves down because violence never solves anything...I would make absolutely sure that they knew that it was okay to protect themselves but that it was not okay to use it to try to hurt/harm another person intentionally...I would probably talk all night about the 'wrong' of violence to make sure they got the 'idea'...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Student

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I would crack him just once so he would not do that again

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Hitting the kids is out of the question.
The kid would be begging to get out of the house for some time to his/her own time with friends.


- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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If ANYONE hits me, they better pray that I don't get up. I don't care WHO it is.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Tokyo, Military

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Seriously I would do time without a second thought If my 12 yr old son hit me ..

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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i would like to think this would never happen but many parents that did their best didnt either BUT if it did id do 20 to life

- Response by bhindth8ball, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Hit'em back! They're big and tough enough to dish it, they'd better be damn certain that they can take it right back!

- Response by doom2ruler, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Technical

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If she hit me, I'm gonna smack the shit out of her, cancel all of her plans, and take about a month long trip together somewhere so she can chill out.

Sometimes you have to bring teenagers down a peg or two. They think the world revolves around them, and have no concept of the real world. By not hitting them back, your actually doing them a huge diservice for their future.

- Response by sharonpeters, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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All the people who are responding with "I'd do time if that were to happen to me" or "Id hit them right back"...grrrrrr

That is exactly what I am talking about!!!! Helloooo!! Abuse is a learned behavior and unfortunately its a way of handling stress or anger and a child gets taught that!!!
The people who say that they would be devastated are the people who probably don't ever have to worry about it cuz they don't handle problems with anger!!

People can be upset or pissed off and NOT hit someone let along their own child!!! Its all how we handle a situation....bottom line!

I'm no doctor...but I feel its just common sense!!

- Response by jackie1966, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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If my son ever hit me....I would beat the hell out of him, I don't even care about the "child abuse" threat. There is no reason why a child should lay thier hands on thier parent. Kids nowadays need a good ass whoopin' and so many parents are afraid to deal with it the old fashioned way: "Go get your daddy's belt".....That's how we learned to stay in line.

- Response by cholie86, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Law Enforcement

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If they did I hit them back? Twice as hard and probably to other side of the room ....then I'd add "get out of my sight". .....

LOL......and if you believe that you'll believe anything. The reality is it would probably stun me so much I'd just ask myself why did they think they needed to hit me......after all my Ex collegues think/thought I'd make a great dad I'm also a listener and very consultative.....yes I think I'd involve my kids in the running of the house to teach them responsibility and fairness. There and again I'm an old romantic type of chap I guess..........any more.

- Response by spadeace, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I'd do the only thing that a responsible parent should do: make it a painfully memorable learning experience.

- Response by 2wheels, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Civil Service

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oh no, i would do him how my parents would do me. beat the crap out of me.

- Response by kissy2490, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, New York, Student

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"If a child/teenager happen to hit their parent...then it would be because that is what he/she has been seeing their whole life....
Abuse is a behavior that has been taught!! Children who witness abuse or get abused themselves tend to repeat the cycle!! "


Untrue. I have never hit my children. Last night my son beat me.



If my teenager ever hit me, life as he knows it would be over. Police, community service, homeschooling.

The last thing I want right now is my son in the house 24 hours a day where he can beat me again.


First off my kid would never hit. If I raised them right with manners, respect and honor I would never have to worry about it.

I raised all my children the same way. They've turned out great - except the one that beat me.


Well my belief is that there aren't bad kids, just bad parents. If your child has enough guts to physically harm you or anyone else then you went wrong somewhere as a parent.. thats just my parenting opinion..

Except, as I said before, all the others turned out fabulous....and I raised this one the same....so why's he the only one that's abusive?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I just did a search for 'my teenage son hits me' because I am sitting here for the 3rd time in less than two weeks, covered in bruises and welts from my 14 year old son. I am a single mother and he resents me for being unable to give him all the things his friends have. Yesterday I innocently asked him what he would like for Christmas and he told me a cell phone with a keyboard and unlimited texting. I had to tell him I could only afford a regular cell phone and that led to an argument. He stood up and slapped me across my face so hard he not only loosened a tooth but I blacked out for a minute. Tonight he started to argue with me again about something else and he got me in a neck hold and cut off my air, triggering an asthma attack. He is 6'1" and muscular, I am 5'5", very small and 47 years old. I've never hit my son in his entire life and have never used the language he uses with me. Language so bad I can't imagine most adults using it. I've resorted to putting a lock on my bedroom door and locking myself in to be safe but I can't live like this. It's so hard to live a normal life now. I don't know what to do anymore.

- Response by Female, 46-55, Vancouver

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Mine did. I was dropping him off in front of school. He thought I was waving to too many of his friends! I was astounded, it was what he saw his father do. I told him to be ready after school as he would have an appointment to keep. I brought him straight to the Police Station. I didn't press charges. But I dropped him off for a few hours to have a talk with a very upset officer who was going to teach him what his father never did.

- Response by blujwel, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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