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If a man cheats on his wife multiple times does he still love her?
Married Life / 7:43 PM - Thursday May 14, 2009

If a man cheats on his wife multiple times does he still love her?

I have been married for 6 years and my husband has cheated on me 3 times. The most recent time I left him and have filed for divorce. Each time he told me he would never do it again and that he loves me. I doubt that he loves me since I don't believe a man who cheats multiple times on his wife can still be in love with her...What are your thoughts

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Well, obviously, I agree with you.

My guess is that you'll regret giving him the first and second chances. Don't. That's what YOU had to do to know in your heart that you truly gave it your best shot. Otherwise, you would have always felt like you had given up.

He may love you...but his needs come first. And he convinces himself that you'll never find out (even when you already have), and so what you know doesn't hurt you. he's just a selfish person, and you deserve to be loved better than that.


- Response by myndseye711, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Bilbao, Celebrity

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Multiple times with apologies and promises to never do it again, and declarations of love for you, yet he is continuously cheats. He's liar, that feels you're weak enough to stay with him like he is. Show him he's wrong. I don't believe a person like this knows what real love is, let alone truly loves you. A man like this is selfish and loves himself. Whatever his problem could be, he'd find out what the hell that was by his damn self!

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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I agree with you. And he not only doesn't love you, he doesn't RESPECT you, either. He obviously thinks you're an idiot, if he expects you to believe him after his track record of lying.

Throw him out. Take it all.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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HELLLLL no he dont love you! Hes just using you for a good place to land between broads

- Response by map339, A Cool Mom, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I have to agree.He may still love you,,,,but to keep cheating,,,he's not still in love with you...Sorry!

- Response by randolph, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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No all humans are monogamous and this doesn't mean they don't love the people they are involved with. It doesn't mean they don't love their primary partners. It simply means that he is not someone who is biologically monogamous. and that said there are other reasons some men tend to cheat....not all are lacking in character or commitment or loyalty. Some are ADHD and have learned that novelty creates health and well-being in them because it solicites a very real change in their body chemistry.
That's just one example. But we have recently found that humans are genetically funneled into two factions...monogamous and nonmonogamous. At some point we are going to have to stop thinking that it's ok for the monogamous to dictate what all relationships should look like and stop telling people who are not like them that they must be like them or that these others are not ok.
If this is a man you love and could live without but don't really want to live without...you are going to have to make adjustments in the way you think and what you choose to believe.


- Response by joybird, A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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i cheated on my ex husband and the thing is i didnt do it because i didnt love him, i just thought that the other thing was exciting. Maybe guys are different i dont know for sure tho. but once you do it once its easier to do it twice or in your case 3 times

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Oklahoma City

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i agree, how can you say you love someone then do something like cheating that just distroyes trust in the woman that loves you?

- Response by loseing, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Of course he loves his wife...and Amy...and Kathy...and Lisa....

- Response by fastercat, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Indianapolis, Other Profession

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Even though he cheated on you - yes, even three times - he probably still loves you. I'm a double major in Biology and Zoology at one of the USA's best colleges in those fields and just finished my Baccaleauret degree, so I've studied genetics and biological makeup extensively. What joybird said is entirely correct - more and more research keeps showing that humans are biologically programmed to be either monogamous or not. It's a primal urge to mate with as many potential mates as possible that hasn't completely evolved out of the human race. He may never be able to be monogamous with you, but it is very possible and I would even say probable that he still does and would continue to love you. Then again, there's no way to know without some really expensive research to know which way he's programmed. What's more important here though is do you love him? Would you ever be able to accept him for what he may or may not be able to control? Also, ask yourself if you can stand to hear "I swear, honey, I'll never do it again. It was a mistake" every time he cheats in the future, because whether he's programmed that way or not he will almost certainly cheat again. If you can't handle that, your only choice is to leave him if you ever want peace of mind. If you can, congratulations - you would save yourself the pricey and time-consuming divorce.
By the way, if you did decide that you can accept him as a cheater, you may not want to tell him you think he is biologically programmed as non-monogamous; you probably don't want to give him any excuses to use to run wild.

- Response by tmm0913, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Student

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he loves you but maybe he's addicted to sex...regardless, there's a lack of respect...seek counseling or just kick him out...

- Response by sushihoney, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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Love maybe, respect no. I can see how you would doubt if he loves you or not, but for some people chetaing is not a materr of loving or not loving someone - but it is about insecurity, power, lack of control, self centered ness etc. In the end though, we all deserve what we need and want in a husband/wife. If fidelity is important to you (and it is to most people!) then you deserve a husband that can provide that and make you feel the love he says he has for you!

Good for you for being brave and putting an end to something that is not acceptable for you or your life.

- Response by lasirenamorena, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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He wants the benefits of being married but the bottom line is he is not respecting you. He is not taking the marriage vows that the two of you have together seriously. Did he tell you why he cheated? Is it because of a need that you are not meeting or is it just in his genes? He will continue to do it as long as you let him. Let him suffer the consequences and let him know he can not have his cake and eat it too! He has seen that the grass is not greener on the other side and now wants to come back to you. He has shown you thathe is always going to cheat.I am enduring the same with my husband of seven years and enough is enough. Go one with you life and become you again without him!

- Response by delight800, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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As a man who has been in this situation on a number of occasions and am not proud of my unfaithfulness to my partners but i feel that it is alot to do with a man's selfish ego some cant say no if it's offered and some actively and arrogantly look for it without even thinking about the damage they do. But the aftermath is where the pain sets in you are right to move on he probabally in his own way loves you more than anything but it obviously isnt something that sways his judgment when faced with a temptation. You make your own rules and your own self respect comes from on what you feel. Dont ever regret your time its so easy to reflect on the negative be strong and follow your instincts because in general they usually right. i lost a very amazing women i wont ever do it again, But some learn other sadly dont.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 36-45, Sheffield, Science / Engineering

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