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Why do guys stay friends with their ex-girlfriends?
Friendship / 7:15 PM - Tuesday May 12, 2009

Why do guys stay friends with their ex-girlfriends?

A guy I dated and a guy friend (we never dated) said they are friends with some of the girls they have dated because even though they broke up they still care about them as a person. Is there an alterior motive? If the guy remains friends with a girl he dated, do his feelings for her just go away?

- Asked by midwest2ca, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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My feelings haven't gone away, much to my pain and sadness. Every time I chat with them, I see the future I saw when I was with them. It hasn't faded yet. But I still care about them for the same reasons I did before, so I want to help them as much as I can, and I still want to be around them.

- Response by magicwar1, A Creative, Male, 22-25, Kansas City, Student

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Of course not. When you have dated someone, especially someone that you had a long term relationship with. You cain't just cut the feelings of caring. You may not have a romantic motive, but you still care for the person.

- Response by alicjohns9, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Financial / Banking

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It's a good sign that they remain friends. It means he is not an immature little twit.

- Response by amberlynm, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I think it's because they still want to be connected to them in some way, usually due to unresolved feelings. Maybe it's just so they can keep that door open and possibly be able to worm their way back into her life in the future. Could be for sex, or maybe they'd like to give the relationship another shot. If they're trying to be friends immediately after the break up, then maybe he's using her as a security blanket to ease the hurt and adjust until he finds someone else. The only way I'd believe it was legitimately friendly is if they were out of touch for YEARS and then somehow came back into contact.

- Response by sxybtch25, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Of course there is an alterior motive. We keep them around as an option. May sound crass but that's the way it is. Women do it too.

- Response by malt, A Jock, Male, 56-65, Detroit, Construction

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Sorry to tell you the truth, but it usually means he is still getting sex from her. Just being honest *shrug*

- Response by indythegreat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Student

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