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Im not happy,I want a Divorce..
Married Life / 6:42 PM - Tuesday May 12, 2009

Im not happy,I want a Divorce..

6 yrs married, 3 kids and im 26 from LA.

Heres my problem, im not happy in my marriage. I been very cold since 3 yrs now..i pretend to be happy to be enjoy our passion time..and im here because i dont know how to tell him,how to explain to him. I just keep it inside and just stay for the kids..plz help. I feel like such a bad person for feeling this way..ive never thought i be feeling this way...after 6 yrs with kids. Im completely lost and alone. It may not make sense here..because i probably not explaining myself well. Its a long story and if u want to know more plz feel free to ask, i dont mind. I just want help,thnx.

Update: May 13, 2009.
Thanx for ur feedbacks. Also i wanted to say that maybe i wasnt that clear on my problem. We have tried alot to help our marriage, but for some reason we always end up arguing for stupid things. Im not one to give up..especially for my kids. I come from a broken family so i know how it feels to be broken up. Im still in the same situation..i think most of ur comments here are true. I married to young,ive never had a indepent life. Always had someone taking care for me like family,my husband. So what now? =/

- Asked by cinderellame, Female, 29-35

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You need counseling. It sounds like you don't communicate with your husband. I don't want to come off as sounding mean so please bear with me. Why did you get married? Don't you love him? Was it for security? Did you need to get away from your family and he was the best place to go? Did you ever love him? These are things that you need to ask yourself and then I think you both should go for counseling alone and together. Three kids that I am sure wear you out at times but I am sure you wanted and love or you would have probably left a long time ago and/or not continued to have them. OR did he push you to have the kids? or...did you have them to secure yourself as a stay at home mom? You are very young to be feeling this way so it seems that something has happened - other than a huge lack of communication and coldness for you to get to this point. You are not alone - I am sure there are a lot of women (and men) that feel this way. The key is getting thru it to working it out. If you say you don't want to work it out then I don't think you ever really loved him. Either that or he's in love with someone else and perhaps you sense that. Either way there IS help out there, you just have to seek it and work together to working it out. My best friend lost her husband to a premature death a number of years ago and we have talked about it many times. They had a great marriage and she told me that what hurt the most is that he was gone - if he was unfaithful and still living she would take him back in a minute and work it out IF ONLY that were the only obstacle preventing them from being together. They had TRUE love. I hope for the sake of your kids and your vows that the two of you do as well. I wish you the best of luck.

- Response by sosisontheway, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65

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If you don't love him any more...then you don't love him and don't want your marriage to work...sounds like you have already made up your mind but too afraid to do anything about it...on the same are definitely misleading him...he is probably the happiest husband in the world...because he is totally clueless about your feelings! Talk to him...and tell him...if he wants to fight for his marriage and you feel the same...then I suggest you do it! Marriage counseling. But if you are 100% in your heart and you have no love for him...then do what you gotta do and save eachother the misery of a marital lie!

I have been I know what the heck I am talking about.
Good luck!
PM me if you want to discuss more!

- Response by divatoonami, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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You should certainly try to salvage your marriage. I'm not sure what you've done previously to correct these problems but you certainly should speak to your husband & use the services of a competent counselor.

- Response by wheezerman, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Sorry.... I know how much your situation suuuucks...... I thiiink Marriage Counseling should be a start...just so you can say you tried for the kids..... if it all doesnt work out....... Good Luck!! Just remember not to push the kids feelings aside when your going through all this.... you'll like yourself better later if you keep that in mind

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Staying in a marriage for the children is not a good reason to stay. It is normal to fall out of love with someone. You should not feel guilty. I stayed in a loveless marriage for 11 years and I felt guilty too. I did not want my kids to be raised without their dad. The kids are the ones that suffer the most, especially as they get older. The kids can tell when Mom and Dad are not happy. After I got a divorce, I felt so much better about myself and my accomplishments. There was less tension and the kids also had a great improvement in their behavior, their grades at school went up and we all worked as a team to rebuild the years of pain and deception that I had while I was married to their father. Do not be scared to express your feelings. Get some counseling if you need to. Good Luck.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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It sounds like you have made up your mind so I don't know what help you think that we can give?

But obviously you loved him once but something happened and unfortunately instead of talking about it and addressing it you two allowed it to grow and build into this.

There is always a chance at getting things back the way they were.....if you want them to.And...that is the question,what is it that you really want?

- Response by justme38271, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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Generally I don't answer if my answer has already been said, but in this case I think it's good to reinforce the point. COMMUNICATION. Put the effort into talking this out with him. It may or may not work out but, damn, you got to give it a try before you give up. Just keeping it inside isn't going to accomplish anything other than making you crazy and/or living in a Hell that doesn't have to be. Walking away from a marriage that won't work is one thing, walking away from it because you're afraid/unable to try making it work is a whole nother thing. For your and your kids sakes, make the effort to communicate with your husband and see if the two of you working together can make this marriage work. If not then you can move on knowng you tried. Stop doing nothing and just accepting being unhappy.

- Response by twotwenty, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65

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The honest answer?: You married too young. It may have been ok in pre-TV, pre-Internet, pre-Me-Generation days. But in this day and age, you are probably feeling like there is huge party going on outside, and you are the one missing out on it. And probably you are.

I am against families breaking up. I am against laws that facilitate/encourage this. But as your fellow LA-native Tom Leykis said, if you marry before the age of 25, you are 80% likely to get divorced (this is based on actual statistics).

I hope you get a change of heart. But if you divorce, you will be fitting the pattern, not breaking it.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 36-45

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You pretended everything was fine and then after 6 years you will inform him you made the decision to leave, there will be no talking and no effort made to fix things.

The more I see things like this the more I see that I need to be in touch with and trust my gut feelings more because I doubt you gave any cause for concern to this guy beyond an uncomfortable feeling in his gut.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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I'm so sorry you're going through this......but believe me, I can relate. I know it's really hard, but things will be so much better if you just throw in the towel and allow him, yourself, and your children a chance at real happiness. Believe it or not, children are really resilient and they know when their parents are not happy. Don't feel guilty unless your expressing the guild you're feeling for cheating yourself and your family at a chance for real love.

Like I said earlier, I can relate. My husband swept me off of my feet 14 years ago however, he went back to drinking and the past 9 years have been a nightmare of me waiting for that sweet, loving guy to come back. What keeps me there is the guilt of knowing that he has a problem.

Good luck and God bless.

- Response by dazedandconfused7, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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I'm going to give you my advice, but as young as you are, you probably won't take it.

I've been married 30 years. I have a successful, happy marriage, so I think I know what I'm talking about. It isn't easy being married, its hard work, but soooo worth it!

Pretend to be happy, pretend to love your sex life, keep your mouth shut when he doesn't do things exactly right, great him at the door as if you are thrilled he's home. Show him your appreciation for working hard to support the family.

Sounds awful right?

BUT, these unhappy times usually don't last. If you are determined to be happy, you will eventually truely be happy AND you will have a happy husband who will do anything for you.
You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness, dont put it all on your man.

You chose to have these babies and the most important gift you can ever give them is a happy home. THE most important.

Think about how your life will be without him. Raising 3 kids alone, visitation, tight budget, having to leave them with whoever will sit for cheap.

Stop making excuses, just be happy.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 46-55

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Well I have allot to say to this one. I have been married 3o years so I know what I am talking about. I was happy for allot of years I still have kids at home. I stay for them only as you are doing. I say this get out while the kids are young now and you are to.Life goes by to fast darn fast. Waste your life for you kids to grow and leave then what do you have and unhappy life with a man you don't love. I think they will adjust to what you do. It is your decision to go if that is what you want. As far as most people who have commented on here sorry to say they haven't been in a long enough marriage to really judge what it is like. After 30 years I do know and 7 years of unhappy marriage. So take it from me leave before you have done 30 years okay.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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