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I'm in a long term relationship, but like someone else...what should I do?
Dating / 10:20 PM - Monday May 11, 2009

I'm in a long term relationship, but like someone else...what should I do?

I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 years. I love her, I am happy with her. We hardly ever fight, the sex is good and we have fun together. But I have a very strong attraction to another woman. I tried to ignore it for a long time, but she keeps contacting me and I feel like I need to stop ignoring her and try to get over her. The thing is, I don't know if I want to get over her. I would not give up what I have with my current girlfriend for anything, and I would never think of cheating, but I find myself thinking that if I could give it a shot with this other girl I would. I don't know what to do. I've tried to quantify it. Why give up a great relationship with a great girl for something that I cant be sure about, right? But it's just not that simple. I need help.

- Asked by A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25

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I applaud your honesty in your post but I have to tell you that what you are feeling is a case of the grass is always greener syndrome. First of all you should not be in a committed relationship if you can easily be swayed by others. If you are indeed in your age group you are so young that perhaps you should only date people casually. Four years is a long time with one person while being so young which means you were between the ages of 14 and 17 when you started dating your current girlfriend. That's pretty young to be in a long term relationship and not have desires for others pop up. It's normal. It sounds like you got into this long term thing before you had the chance to date and got (sorry for the term) stuck in a LTR thing. I'm not sure what to tell you because some people find one person and that's it for them. My late husband only dated a few older women before he and I got together. He waited two years to get up the nerve to ask me out due to being intimidated by me. Made me sad when I found this out. He could have spared me two really bad boyfriends and he and I could have had two more happy years together before his premature death. I certainly wouldn't advise you to cheat on your girlfriend and not tell her because that might eat you up inside later if you actually end up with her...but on the other hand I wouldn't break up with her so you could sow your oats with others that may not live up to possible expectations. I would have to say that you should think about where you see yourself with your girlfriend. Do you love her like no other? Ask yourself the hard questions before you make any harsh decisions. So many people get married with the thought that if it doesn't work out...heck, they can always get divorced. Maybe if more people didn't, and more people were actually more devoted to each other the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. Good luck with whatever you decide.

- Response by msbrunette, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55

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Uhmm.. thats a hard question. does this other girl for sure like you then let her know you like her and see what she says. If you have liked this new girl for a while then go for it, do you think you just comfortable with your current gf or do you really like her.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Have you heard the saying the "80/20 rule" You put in 80% of your relationship which is good and then there's the 20% which is the bad and tempting things like women your highly attracted to. Don't throw away a good relationship with your girl for someone who will only last a week. Everthing that looks good is not always good for you. Your guy it's okay to look as long as you don't give in. As long as you have a good relationship with your gf then you should say "Why be with her when I have everything I need" Just think about it and I hope you make the best choice.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Dallas, Student

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I'm in the same shoes as you too. My only problem is that I don't have many good friends and I would like to keep her (my crush) as a good friend because she is a great person. Is this even possible?

We are currently good friends and I think she might like me too. She's also in one of my social circles. I'm not willing to throw away 5 good years with my girlfriend for this girl, no matter how good it could turn out to be. I just need to get over her but I want to stay friends. What do I do!?

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Montreal

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