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My husband is always looking at young women. He knows this bothers me. How can I get him to stop?
Married Life / 8:30 AM - Friday May 08, 2009

My husband is always looking at young women. He knows this bothers me. How can I get him to stop?

It is not just a man looking at a pretty woman. He keeps looking and will even follow down the isle. It hurts me, that he still does this even though I have ask him not to while I am with him.

- Asked by Female, 56-65

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I think if he were my husband, and if I had chosen to not divorce his sorry ass, I would tell him how much his behavior hurts and humiliates me...and that since he obviously doesn't care that I am hurt and humiliated, I am choosing to no longer accompany him anywhere he goes. Nor, would I allow him to accompany me.

I would start going places by myself or with friends. Let your husband do things by himself so he can ogle women to his heart's delight without your having to witness it.

I disagree with those who suggest you do the same and ogle other men because that is just mirroring bad behavior. It's better for you to just make a life of your own, independent of him while still being married...if staying married is your choice.

He sounds like an insensitive pig and I can't imagine having to tolerate someone like that.

- Response by sunlady1120, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Meh are going to look at women
we have a libido which is quite easyto manipulate
you know this

- Response by vank356, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Technical

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I watch people and I have never seen a guy following a woman around at a grocery store leering at her. Either you have an exceptionally rare sort of demented and rude guy or you are embellishing your story (which I am leaning more towards believing).

Beyond gouging his eyes out there is no way to prevent him from seeing attractive women that everyone sees so what you are demanding he do isn't physically possible. I doubt him being 50% less obvious about it would do anything to placate you so basically you have put him in a position where he can't win. That is the sort of thing that cheating and divorces are made of.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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He's an asshole... All men look, what he's doing is disrespectful

- Response by nicolegillenwater, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Unfortunately, you can't make him stop. You can tell him how you feel, that you feel upset, hurt, sad, whatever you feel. Say something like "I feel ..... when you follow and look at other women so obviously when you are with me. I don't want to feel like this". Then he KNOWS that it bothers you. If he still does it, he either can't really control it, or CAN and just doesn't care, which shows a lack of respect and a lack of care for your feelings.

The only other thing you can do is try to change your reaction to it. A lot of men look (most are much more subtle, to make it obvious is disrespectful or just plain clueless). If he won't change you can either not let it bother you anymore (realising that its a normal thing for men to do and it doesn't mean that he finds YOU any less attractive at all) or if its about disrespect/lack of care (in other words, he is intentionally doing it to hurt you), well that shows bigger problems in your marriage that you may want to look at.

- Response by sunset77, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I think looking is normal but following them is not...Warn him to stop doing this in your presence then call him on it in public...You need a talk with this man as your marriage is in trouble..He needs counselling. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Sorry, but he follows them? When you are there? What happens when you are not there? Does he have a history of stalking? Does he know young women find him disgusting? It sounds like he needs some therapy, because that is not normal, and probably very scary for some of these women.

- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Well, if he knows how you feel about this and continues to do so anyway, it is just disrespectful. Also makes me wonder, if he does this in front of you what is he looking at, or doing, when you are not there?

- Response by jadealso1, Female, 56-65, Administrative

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he is just saying her dress is more revealing than yours,

- Response by magdik, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Johannesburg, Science / Engineering

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I don't know the answer to this one. I had an ex who did this all the time-it hurt me alot too. I felt it was so disrespectful to me that he didn't care how I felt. Some people laugh it off and say its just a guy thing. But he is an ex. and that is where he will stay.

- Response by daffodils2008, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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I can see looking at a woman, but not following her down the aisle.
Put him on a leash and walk him where you want to go..REALLY!

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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I go through the same since i met my husband 8 years ago and it hurts a lot!!
Have you found a solution??
Plese write me at xxxxxxxxxx

- Response by mara65399i, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Toronto

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That is very rude and insensitive, perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine and start looking at other men.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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