Back to Home

Active Questions

If she had a bad drinking problem but had stopped, would you date her?
Dating / 12:01 AM - Wednesday May 06, 2009

if she had a bad drinking problem but had stopped, would you date her?

what woould you watch out for? what about time spent handling her problem, if that meant time away from you?

- Asked by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

Read more about the Rating System

First I would ask myself this question: Am I willing to administer tough love? The kind of tough love that says if you drink I'm leaving. And mean it?

If the answer is, no. Don't go there. You'll only get used and taken for everything you have.

If the asnwer is, yes. I bid you good luck.

- Response by cosmicdog0, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Denver, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

How can you be sure she has stopped?
Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. They don't just lie to others they lie to themselves too. Furthermore it is not something that goes away even if she isn't drinking she is still an alcoholic and just one drink away from a crisis.
If you are not heavily involved you would be better off walking away. I know that sounds very harsh but alcoholics ruin the lives of everyone around them:(

- Response by justapuss, Female, 46-55, Athens, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


yess date her if you are compatable as she has stopd drinking so try keeping her on the wagon DATE HER IF YOU LIKE HER

- Response by dmncowboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Retired

Rating Received:


My main question would be how long has she been sober?

My ex was a sober alcoholic our entire marriage (he has 35 years in now of sobriety), so I have hung around AA and sober alcoholics for some 20 years.

A strong rule of thumb is that no one should date for AT LEAST the first six months of their sobriety. The rationale for this is too long to type here, but it's a damn good "rule."

Time spent maintaining her sobriety should be encouraged and there are usually enough meetings and such (if that's what she does) to accommodate any schedule--including lunch ones. How much time do you need with her??

Many s/o's become involved in their friend's recovery, attending social events, counseling appts., and open meetings or Al-Anon.

Other than that, I would watch out for the same things I do with anyone else: immaturity, lying, sudden altered behavior, moodiness, etc.

- Response by kdare, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Buffalo, Other Profession

Rating Received:


It would depend on how long she has been clean and what type of personality she has, obviously, she has an addictive type personality, but is she stable enough to stay clean when the going gets tough or would she run back to the bottle? I would probably be very cautious if I ended up dating her and go slow, you will have to see for yourself what could happen. You may want to go to the AA site, or research for signs of slipping. Most addictive people have a tendency to be able to hide their addictions very well. Also what was her incentive for getting clean? Did she do it on her own or was it kind of forced? Find out all you can about alcoholics and be careful not to enable her.

- Response by cheryl1961, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Retired

Rating Received:


If she had actually stopped? Sure, but I would be very alert to any alcohol consumption on her part in the future. I wouldn't wait around forever, but if I loved her, I would give her the space she needed if she asked, as hard as that might be to do.

- Response by tenuousgrail, A Guy Critical, Male, 26-28

Rating Received: