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Why does he always criticize me?
Married Life / 9:38 PM - Tuesday May 05, 2009

Why does he always criticize me?

I feel like nothing I ever do is right. I can't cook right, I can't clean right, I can't shop right. I'm a good person and I don't deserve to be treated this way!

Update: May 05, 2009.
He was never this way before we married. We used to have so much fun together. He keeps telling me that he is stressed out from work but I don't see that as a reason to lash out at me all the time. I try to do nice things for him: have dinner ready when he comes home, give him backrubs, try to destress him any way I can but enough is enough. I told him that I would like to go to counseling to try and work through this and if he didn't want to agree then he could pack his stuff and leave, my lawyer will be in touch.

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Reverse that! DO THIS....STAND UP WAVE YOUR ARMS BACK AND FORTH AND SAY STRONGLY TO YOUR SELF, I CAN, I CAN, I CAN DO ANYTHING..I CAN DO ANYTHING...I CAN, I CAN, I CAN...I CAN DO ANYTHING. OUT LOUD! Your brain hears you, and when you feel like this you need to self-talk yourself out of it. Who is saying these things to you, that is bull. Here is a good response to anyone that has this negativity thrown at them, Say to the person, What you think of me is YOUR business so keep it to yourself I'm not really interested! Understand? They kind of go HUH? Their opinion of you is none of your business or anyone elses it is their opinion period! You know the old saying about opinions, they are like assholes everybody has one. And if ever someone yells at you or is angry at you, just say to them "What I can't hear you, you are yelling too loud", another one that will shut them up. And also if an angry situation happens, softly say to that person, don't get confrontational, no way, just say when you calm down and can have a normal conversation with me I'll be happy to speak with you and leave the room totally. If they follow you leave the house or wherever you are. Just do the opposite of what you normally would do and it will knock them off their feet and say what on earth has changed her! You become the bigger person and your self-esteem will escalate I promise you.

- Response by irisrosesc, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Administrative

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The question should be, "Why do you allow him to treat you this way? What makes it so you stay with him and continue to suffer this treatment?" The other question is, "How many of us would suffer the constant criticism of a partner?" The answer, "any of us who are secure in ourselves and have grown to know our own worth would put up with that bull and wouldn't continue to date, live with or be married to a man like that!" We don't bother asking why he does it...we don't care. We don't want to be his shrink and we aren't sticking around attempting to fix him.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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he's abusive. i'd leave. it will only get worse. seriously. leave.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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How do you know?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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If he thinks you are so bad at everything, let him do it all himself.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Some people aren't worth giving your time and energy to. This guy is one of them.

Cut the string, and find someone who does appreciate your goodness. He's out there, and you will be so much happier! :)

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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I know one thing you didn't do right.
You didn't marry the right guy!

Next time, tell him that's the one thing you didn't do right.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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He obviously lacks any self worth, so he trashes you to make himself feel better. You DO deserve better than that. I'd walk.

- Response by anonymouspersona, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Miami, Administrative

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Are you dating my Boss??????

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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it is a way to gain control . If you dont feel like you capable

then you feel less than. People get caught in always trying to

prove them selves to they type of personality. And no one ever

can because it is not about their abilities it is about makeing

them feel worthless . And unloveable by any one but him.

You would do well to get out of this relationship .There is not

reason for any one to put some one down if he does not like some

thing he can talk with you in a respectful manor and help you in

the things that you do.

I would suggest you seek out information about abusive

relationships to empower your self with information.

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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This guy sounds exactly like my first husband. His favorite thing was to tell me that I had done something wrong. I quit doing anything for him. He cooked his own food, he washed his own clothes. Then I left him. I have heard that he has married 4 times since I left...hmmm wonder why that is?

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Then leave why are you allowing yourself to be treated that way? You make your own happiness!!!!!

- Response by babygirlstar81, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, New York, Self-Employed

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(a) because you let him; you don't call him on it and demand that it stop. then he loses respect for you and criticizes you even more. you need to stand up to him. (b) he may be un-used to living with another person and feel boxed in or feel that things are not being done exactly HIS way and is criticizing as a way to lash out or express his unconscious resentment - he has to learn that there are TWO people and each has their own way of doing things and that he needs to respect your ways and compromise if there is a real problem (other than it is just not his way). (c) he may be obsessive-compulsive or overly anxious and need counseling and medication. (d) there may be something about you he doesn't like (your dog?) and because he doesn't want to say that, he criticizes other things. (e) maybe he just doesn't like you.

- Response by answerologista, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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You are very young. I assume your husband is very young as well.

I am assuming you have no kids yet. If so my advice is ... Neither of you is mature enough for marriage. I am not scolding you, just telling you the way it is. Maturity will not be achieved by getting older in your current co-dependent relationship. Unfortunately, you must go your separate ways, and live a little. You will both come out better for it in the long run. But do this with civility with a calm mutual divorce. (this should be easy since you don't have any money/kids to fight over).

Now if I missed something, and if you have kids ... then forget everything I said above. If an innocent has been brought into this world because of what you two did, then you will have to do what is in the best interests of the child. I would leave that up to you and hubby to decide what the best way to ensure that way is.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 36-45

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Hi, Married life, that's interesting i would like to continue this conversation, comment if it's ok with you. Talk with you soon.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Detroit, Managerial

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Hi, Married life, that's interesting i would like to continue this conversation, comment if it's ok with you. Talk with you soon.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Detroit, Managerial

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Oh yes, all of us are guilty of it every so often. Sometimes we have a bad day and take it out on our mate. If your husband is constantly criticizing you no matter how good you are to him then this is classified as 'verbal abuse' and you should nip it in the bud immediately.
Good communication skills are needed in every relationship. He could be stressed out at work; depressed; bored, or he may not even know why he feels this way. Try talking to him and if he refuses to talk then tell him you're not putting up with his constant criticism any longer. Both partners should respect each other and learn to apologize if they step out of line.
Constant criticizism is a form of control. It is verbal abuse. The bully who constantly criticizes is trying to put the other person down to make themselves feel superior.
Hope all works out in your favour.

- Response by sofisticated, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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You did the right thing. I am stuck in a marriage to a guy the same way. He treats everyone else like gold but the main one(the wife) who has his back he takes his frustration out on. He doesn't appreciate you. You know sometimes a person doesn't miss what they have until it's gone. Make a list of your pros and cons. If the bad outweigh the good then get out of there. If the pros outweight the bad then ask him again about counseling. If he says no then it is obvious that he does want to work on your marriage. You should be his number one priority not work. Remember your happiness is important here and don't let anyone tell you that you are being selfish for wanting that.

- Response by delight800, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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stop playing up the victim and instead ask yourself why you allow him to treat you this way. You're the one who allows yourself to be abused, so you need to grow up and fix it. As in, leave him

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Please answer these questions.
Did he ever cheat on you while you were dating?
You are very young, is he in the same age group?
Are you trying to have children?
Do you have a lawyer and would you really divorce him?
Have you changed your work status since you got married?

- Response by timesthree, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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You give him backrubs and he is complaining??? Geez. He needs a reality check. Telling that he takes his stress out on you. He needs to join a gym and release it in a positive way. I hope he agrees to go to counseling. But if not I am glad you are standing up for yourself.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Other Profession

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OH honey you are in an emotional abusive relationship..I am too. I understand how hard it is. He will kill you slowly till you feel like you are worthless so you won't leave him, it is a control thing. I read a self help book and it is said men that are like that are actually insecure and have low self esteem is why they do that, then they feel better after they do for a min. It is like a drug high, it doesn't last. Get a book on emotional abuse, it is called the bully in your relationship by Anne-Renee Testa.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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