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Has any one ever had consensual sex with their father or grandfather or uncle. how did it happen?
Sex & Intimacy / 2:21 PM - Tuesday May 05, 2009

has any one ever had consensual sex with their father or grandfather or uncle. how did it happen?

a friend of mine just revealed to me that shes been sleeping with her father since she was 15, she says she lost her virginity to her grandfather, when she was 12, and that it was consensual. she says that its a turn on for her,her uncle is older by 5 years, he taught her how to perform falatio. i was shocked. and i cant understand. shes my best friend and i want to understand. so can anyone relate and explain how she can be so...normal about it. comfortable with it. she is now 26, they still do it. her parents are divorced, and she says she enjoys her and her fathers relationship, she wishes others could understand. what do i do.

- Asked by dglowie, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Atlanta, Student

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What you have never experience you will never understand.
Lots of families subscribe to this alternative sexual relationship. I have heard of single families participating in such acts and do not see it as abnormal (moms with sons; fathers and daughters;) this is the first time that I have had ever heard of grandfathers and granddaughter or uncles and neices doing it. But would not dismiss it is not happening.
Such things are not normally talked about openly because of the stigma some people get from such sexual behaviors. When you are brought up to believe something is right to do, you grow up with that notion until a Higher Power should change the persons minds.
Leave her be and be her friend.
I support such actions only after 18...but what can you do if you do not know about it before hand.

- Response by A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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I doubt that you'll find much help at this site. There are many websites out there that focus on sexual matters of what most of us consider an "aberrent" nature---and perhaps there are some therapeutic professionals online that might be able to help you with this revelation from your friend.

You must be a bit in shock, learning about this. While incest is NOT the 'norm' also isn't completely 'new' to the human race either.

The reason she accepts it is because of how very young she was when they invaded her body and basically "trained" her to be their sexual servant. That is a very basic VIOLATION of what a loving parent is. A parent, ideally, PROTECTS a child from sexual violation until such an age when it becomes appropriate for them to be with a partner or lover, i.e., when the kid has grown up!

It almost sounds cult-like to me---it being passed on in the family like that. It sure makes me wonder about what sort of treatment the mother of your friend received---if she attempted to intervene, that whole issue?


- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

For you people who don't believe her. I've heard similar and worse...things that could and were corroborated by extranged family members. To dglowie....your friend has been exploited starting early in her childhood and brainwashed to believe that allowing multiple family members to use her sexually is healthy. But ask yourself this...what kind of independent romantic relationship will she be able to establish and what will any female children she brings into this world...what will those female's likely experience at the hands of these men with her standing by allowing it to occur? You see you have to follow this pattern out into the future to see the devastation it will continue to reap. Some other child will become victimized down the road if they haven't been already. You also need to understand that sex is pleasurable and many victims of incest and abuse feel extremely guilty because the sex they have has been pleasurable. They are conflicted about what has occured in their lives.
In all honesty you need to seek out a counselor to lend you the kind of appropriate understanding you need so you can discontinue this relationship. You would be surprised at how quickly you can be drawn into warped situations such as these and exploited yourself when initially all you wanted to do was support your friend. If you don't condone these practices...if they aren't of your own value system...if you understand that violating children is a crime even if they eventually become adults...then you need to extract yourself very quickly from this association. We are after all assumed to be like those we choose to associate with.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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There is nothing normal about what those 3 do...

- Response by mantis, A Creative, Male, 18-21

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Dont do anything. It's her life, either it bothers you and you gotta end the friendship... or you can let it go, and stay friends with her.

I would NEVER EVER have sex with my father. Ugh.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Sydney

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Whew.....that's just fucked up...don't know what to tell you.....

- Response by lab01, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, St.Louis, Other Profession

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She has been "groomed and trained" since is what she knows.
Your friend is sexually abused, even if her body is responding, it is still sexual abuse.

- Response by gettingstronger, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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That's just sick. . .and very, very sad. Other people will never understand because it's just not normal. It's abusive and disgusting, and the only reason your friend seems to think it's "okay" is because she grew up in a situation where the people around her, the people she trusted, made her THINK it was perfectly okay.

- Response by saucywench, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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i don't care how ok she is with it, it's a crime not to mention totally disgusting.

- Response by busyb704, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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wow.... a dream show for jerry springer....

There is nothing right about it, in any sense of the word. I would suggest hopping on the web and learning as much as you need about incest and the psyche of it. Maybe you will be able to understand how to help her "see the mistake" of it all.....

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Your friend is sexually tramautized, and has been groomed into this. This sounds like something that is probably a pattern in her family. Her grandfather took her virginity, and she's slept with her father and uncle. It sound like it's traditional. I wouldn't be suprised if the other women in her family (sisters, cousins, etc) are experiencing the same thing. By the way it sounds, this is something that ever generation has been trained that it is ok. If this wasn't ok to the rest of her family or something, then the uncle would have shot her down or the father, and asked where this came from and her grandfather would have gotten in trouble. But so far if her uncle and father are brothers, it sounds like something the father started, and they could have very well have done something with their sister if they have one, which groomed them to think this was ok. There was a similar situation with my ex-uncle... when he grew up, his father used to take advantage of his sister, and bring them into the situation and show them it was ok to have sex with their sister practically whenever they wanted. Most women who experience this in childhood will have dillusional thoughts in regards to their molester. Some will open up and think they are in a euphoric situation and in love. Others will close down and shut the world out completely. Your friend might think this is a happy situation, but it's not. She might be repressing her feelings so she doesn't have to deal with them. She was probably taught to think what happened to her was consentual. Something is very wrong with this family. Incest is not the norm in society. A family is supposed to protect their young instead of use them for sexual servants.

Now, as for helping her... I would recommend that you find a psychologist and inform them of what she told you. You don't have to use names, but explain everything she told you and see what they feel is the best way to help your friend or to get her to start realizing what is going on is not only highly illegal, but wrong, and has traumatized her so that she can start the healing process. Good luck!

- Response by neuroticallyyours2005, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Um, you could start by saying Eew!! That is fucked up, disgusting, and abuse. I don't even know that pondering on what to do should even be in question. If this is true, and these days you can't immediately discount the possibility, the father and grandfather should be in jail with their dicks tied around their hands for handcuffs. SICK!

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

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If this IS real, what happened to her at 12, and at 15 was considered rape! She could say it was "consentual" all she wants, but she was too young to Give consent. Her grandfather and father warped her so bad that she thinks now that it is normal. God help her if she ever gets pregnant.
I hope as a friend, you will tell her that this is NOT normal, and that she was never able to give consent as a Child. That they raped her, and made her believe that this is the norm.
That is just Terrible!!

- Response by nursefromky, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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Well it would seem as she is a victim of incest and if her story is true then more then likely this is all she knows i.e. dad having sex with her. It would also seem as Dad involved his brother to take part in the action. Nothing about this is normal as well incest between consenting adults is a crime in virtually every state.

It would seem she need professional help. Again, to her this is normal, but the reality of the matter is this is far from normal! I wouldn't even know how to respond to such information.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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First, a minor cannot consent even if they want to.

Second, she is severely pschologically traumatized and in desperate need of professional help.

Third, you should try to get her to go to a women's shelter for help. Since she does not see anything wrong with this, it may be difficult.

- Response by boggob, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Political / Government

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I just threw up in my mouth, this is really really messed up and very very strange to me. When I hear of this happening the first thing that came to mind was "INCEST" but she say she likes it and is comfortable doing it. ughhhhh!!!!!!!!!
I believe that it started out as sexual abuse(incest)when she was 12. And as the years go by since that it was happening often she started to like it and thus now finds it comfortable.
Or.....this is some kind of strange family tradition that she can only have sexually relations within the family.
Anyway...........whatev er is the reason why she likes do it and feel comfortable doing it, its not really your right to try to understand it or accept it. Am not saying that because the situation is like that u shouldnt be her friend, what i am saying is that u can comprimise what u believe in to make her feel better about what she is doing. What she is doing is consider INCEST in the eyes of the public.
If i was u in that situation...ugh!!!!!!! !! I will pretend that its okay, because she has been ur friend before it and she should be after it. Try not to be judgemential. Jus pretend that she didnt even mention it to u, and continue the friendship as normal.

UUUUUggggggghhhhh!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Response by Sexyilious, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Student

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uhh, (excuse me) you're friend is fucked in the head. Big time. She was, HELLO, sexually abuse so bad as a child that she now, over 10 years later, thinks it's all "normal". Fucking Christ that is so horrible. I don't know what the hell your gonna do, sorry. This just blows my mind. It sound like one of those sex-cult-family things you see on HBO.

- Response by TheSshhmoe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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This is very hard to believe. If it's true, then clearly here is a person that needs counseling. You shouldn't judge her or let this compromise your friendship . . . but seriously, this just doesn't make sense. I'd try to help her understand what most people think of this kind of thing. Wouldn't she rather have a relationship that wouldn't have to be hidden?

- Response by sfgeekrocker, A Creative, Male, 36-45, San Francisco, Internet / New Media

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That's some sick shit and part of me thinks you're full of it. If so, get a life. Come up with a better, less disgusting post next time.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?

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Fuckin' sick!! Grandpa's ass should be in prison..right nex to Daddy and Uncle...what the fuck!!! That girl, whether she consented to it or not...WAS ABUSED AS A MINOR!!!!

They were sick GROWN men who should have known better..THEY WERE THE ADULTS!!!!


- Response by upallnitetoo, A Creative, Female, 46-55

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Continue to be her friend, support her even if you don't agree with it, that's what a friend does.

I actually had a sexual relationship with my cousin and a few times with my aunt. But I didn't know at first.

I do think that parent and grandparent is strange though.

- Response by A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Whoa, this situation is just too wierd for words. Your friend is totally clueless. Just leave it alone. I am sure that sweet reason will be totally lost on this person

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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No but my mother did things to me and it was not consensual. I can't understand anyone wanting to actively participate in this. She needs counseling to find out why this appeals to her. They are taking advantage of her and for some reason she accepts it.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Other Profession

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This is beyond disgusting. If this is true try not to judge her but do tell her she should seek counseling if she ever expects to have a normal healthy relationship with a male she is not related can add that this is not normal or a situation the avergage person could relate to...yikes.

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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WOW! Your friend needs major help..

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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my cousin pressued me into having sex with him but i started to have sex with him consensually.

I needed consueling and guidance to get back on the right track.

does she live with her father or mother?

Whether it's consensual or not, it's still considered child rape/statutory rape.

There's a twisted mentality about this - the girl who was raped by the one of the four - father, grandfather, uncle or older brother feels guilty about feel pleasure in having sex with their family member. The rapist gets them to think that they are the only ones who can take away any pain they feel. That the rapist is the victim and the mother is the bad person. I could go on.

Best thing is to get conseulor for her.

- Response by A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Student

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I don't beleive you

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Is this for a school paper?

- Response by stringjammer, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, Chicago, Self-Employed

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You can start doing your homework and quit fantasizing silly stories. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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