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Can a serial cheater become loyal and true?
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 11:54 AM - Saturday May 02, 2009

Can a serial cheater become loyal and true?

Can a serial cheater become loyal and true? Were you a person who constantly cheated, and you stopped? Were you with someone who cheated numerous times, and stopped his/her behavior? Tell us about what happened. Anonymous replies are fine if you wish. This isn't about me. I'm reading a book about men who cheat.

- Asked by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Medical / Dental

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i think it depends on why the person is cheating in the first place. some people are sex addicts and i dont think these people are capable of being faithful, no matter how much they might want to. on the other hand i think people who cheat because they are unhappy CAN be faithful to someone - just maybe not with teh person they happen to be with. i was not faithful in my first marriage - i was desperately unhappy and finally understood that what was making me cheat was the drive to get out of the relationship, not necessarily cheat. i didn't want to cheat, and felt bad about it, but on the other hand, i knew there was something terribly wrong iwth my marriage and i didn't know how to get out of it. my present husband cheated on his first wife, too, but we have been together nearly 14 years without cheating on each other. so yes, i thnk its possible .. just not maybe everyone... id be interested to know the name of the book and more of the authors' conclusions.

- Response by jerseygirl331, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Boston, Artist / Musician / Writer

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My experience is that a cheater can stop, but like any other undesirable conduct, it takes a strong desire and usually some event. A cheater is much like a sex offender in that there is some basic problem with their personality that is beyond just a casual action, but rather an obsession. As with any obsession, it can be overcome, but most would prefer not to.

- Response by doctor55, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

Monogamy is the next worst thing to abstinence.

Monogamy and monotony are virtually the same.

A "cheater" could change, but why would he want to?

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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I've seen people who raised hell when they were young and screwed around a lot and then settled down. I've seen men you never did anything wrong and then they got around the wrong people and they just couldn't help themselves and they strayed. It depends who you hang with. A nice guy could go a stray if he had an ugly wife and he was around a nice babe and she flirted. This is why you should stay away from bars.

- Response by jamesway, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55

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I'm not a guy or a cheater but have been with cheaters all my stupid life..two marriages, two cheaters. many boyfriends, many cheaters. No, I don't really think a leapard changes his spots and will be ogling at the nursing home.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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yes. but only when hell freezes over.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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i think if a guy always cheated then he might do it again, but maybe if he finds the right girl then he wont cheat, but nobody will ever be sure. true love is hard to find so once you find it, hopefully the guy wont screw up and want to cheat.

- Response by benefiel, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Indianapolis, Who Cares?

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A "serial" cheater implies that it goes on and on, so I think it is a pattern which repeats itself.

I think that people cheat for all different reasons. Some mates make it hard for the other not to cheat...like the spouses who gain a lot of weight and make themselves very un-attractive and when their mate cheats everyone acts soo very shocked. Or the wife whose husband never compliments her or shows her any affection for years and then she falls for the first guy who has a kind word for her...It's all very sad.

- Response by lovelight, A Creative, Female, 66 or older, Los Angeles, Artist / Musician / Writer

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No.

No I was never like that and never would be.

The women I've been with, that have displayed this behavior, never could get it together and STOP. Even after multiple attempts of repair, and forgiveness, they seem compelled to continue on with things (in one way or another). In my case, it didn't matter that the sex was good... I find that cheaters are escaping something in their life.

Put it like this... Once they're "caught" they start to cover their tracks BETTER than before... each successive time they get "caught" the bury what their doing even further... the lies get deeper... Eventually things get to what I call CRYPTIC behavior.

Cryptic behavior is when people use encrypted methods to contact one another. May be they'll use missed calls on a cell phone (missed calls don't register on cell records) they use this as a cue that they want to talk to one another etc.

May be they'll use a friend as a proxy for communication.

Set up additional email accounts.

Use the phone at work.

Go "Taliban" and just make contact when they can physically drive by the others residence or work to make contact.

It doesn't matter the method as I call it cryptic at this point. The possibilities are endless and it goes on.. and on... and it doesn't stop until one of them calls it quits..

If the cheater is stupid enough to get caught ONCE then they're dumb enough to get caught a 2nd and 3rd. Be patient. You'll see.

Cheaters like this get in a comfort zone within a relationship and often create added drama in their life -- for nothing more than added excitement.

Cheaters are drama junkies in their own right.

- Response by skycop, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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I think it may be possible for to stop, when they get older and wiser. I have seen that happen, but I do not know the odds of it.

- Response by travelchic, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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Yes they can. Men and Women!!!! (lets not be sexist now) cheat when they dont get what they want out of a relationship. Its not that people cheat because they have a great need to cheat when everything is great. People would not cheat if they felt valued loved and respected at all time from the other person. People cheat when they feel they are being abused, neglected and not loved how they want to be loved (communication breakdown). So if someone has cheated on you as tough as it is to admit it it is part your fault also for not providing the support the other person needs.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35

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