Back to Home

Active Questions

My boyfriend shows me no affection. What should i do? Im tired of moaning!
Dating, Sex & Intimacy / 12:01 PM - Sunday April 26, 2009

My boyfriend shows me no affection. What should i do? Im tired of moaning!

Im tired of putting up with his bad moods due to 'hangovers' but im tired of moaning. Its boring and i don't want to seem to high maintenance? Am i too high maintenance? All I want is to be told I look nice, or to be bought flowers once in a while. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I'm so unhappy and don't know what else to do. When i try to talk to him, we argue and I end up coming out as too 'needy'. HELP!

- Asked by Female, 22-25

Read more about the Rating System


Hun, you in a relationship from hell.
he is a drunken scum bag and he is going to make life hell for you as long as you stay with this bastard.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

So why the fuck are you so afraid to LOOSE HIM, sounds like he LOST YOU a while ago!

A looser is a looser is a looser!!!! You not living a fairy tale girl, wake up to REALITY! It will ONLY GET WORSE!

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

Rating Received:


You need to look back over your post...hon, if he does not make you happy then what are you doing? Really?? No, it is not high maintence to want to be told your pretty or be held...it's very common knowledge that women live for romance...your not asking for a new house with a pool and a BMW. I do not feel he is the right one for you...because your not happy, you try to communicate and he turns it around so it's a prob with you. A successful relationship takes "2" both working towards that same goal. A man in love with you will want to make sure you feel loved so you don't move on.

- Response by solstess, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:


You're NOT needy, just asking for normal relationship (or heck even friendship) things. How long have you been together? Is this a new thing, or was he always like that?
If you're this unhappy, then what exactly are you afraid of losing?
I dated a guy like that - and he said that he often thought about saying those kind of things but just didn't actually say them. What is that about?!
I think maybe you should step away from this b/f - take time to meet some men who will really appreciate you,and shower you with affection, compliments, and sure - flowers! Good luck!

- Response by pixiebreakfast13, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, London

Rating Received:


Don't moan, don't nag, don't get angry just tell him straight how it makes you feel when he isn't affectionate

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

Rating Received:


You don't have much of a relationship.

Try kicking him to the curb.

He's not worth it...and if you hang in with him, it doesn't say much for your own self-worth, either. Don't you want something better out of your life?

Get your life back...and full speed ahead!!!

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


If your mother is nearby, have her come over and slap some sense into you. This is your bf! He's not your husband. You can walk away anytime. It doesn't matter if you are too needy or not. You aren't happy. Go bye-bye.

- Response by amberlynm, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Chances are he is not going to change so you must decide if you want to settle for what he is offering or cut your losses and leave him

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

Rating Received:


He had to show some affection before or you would not of been with him. That kind of relationship will kill you slowly I know, I have been there. All I can say is talk to him and see what he says, maybe it is not you. If it is not gonna change then let him go. You deserve better.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


Love, affection, communication, respect, compromise - the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Relationships are supposed to be fulfilling, not feel like a second job. It's not needy to want someone to appreciate you. He sounds like a lazy nob who's taking you for granted. I dated a guy like this once. He only showed interest when I was about to leave him, then all of a sudden he was on his best behaviour. It didn't last. Now I'm in a healthy, happy relationship with someone and I wonder why I even wasted time trying to stick it out with my ex. Move on and find someone who thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread :) Good luck, babe!

- Response by mssassychica, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, London, Executive

Rating Received:


This has been the case for me in the past...its hard not to seem needy when your asking to be shown more affection....

There are two options...

Play mean to keep him keen-
Sometimes a guy needs the fear of losing what he has, in order to treat it a litle better and appreciate it.. Ignore his mood swings...almost act lke they don't matter. Be a little colder then normal and wait for him to cuddle up to you...and then hesidently give effection in return.

Or-...

A leapard cannot change there spots-
Witmy ex this tit for tat game worked for a while and it was fun for a bit...however it gets a little tiring. Sometimes its better to when enough is enough. Think about what attracted you to him...is he still the same? If not then its worth finding what has changed...If he is then you need to figure out if thats what you want to put up with...settle with...

Love yourself x

- Response by cloe112, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25, London

Rating Received:


You are a perfect candidate for the advice in the book "He's Just Not That Into You." If he won't compliment you or be affectionate, he's telling you something loud and clear. My advice? Kick him to the kerb and slam the door shut, because you can do better.

- Response by A Sportif, Female, 46-55, London

Rating Received:


Pick up the courage to dump him. 99% of men would not change their personalities for their partners. He's not the last men on earth. It may sound crude but it's true. Why not give yourself more options instead of putting up with this mean person.

- Response by orangeandapple, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, London

Rating Received:


Wow! I can't believe so many people said to dump him.

Tell him you have expectations. You're a good girlfriend, I'm sure you go out of your way to keep him happy and let him know you love him, right? Tell him you EXPECT the same. Tell him being hungover does not make him incapable of saying, "You look cute today, hun." Ask him if he wants you to seek affection from other people, I'm pretty sure he'll say NO, in which case you should tell him that he needs to up his game. If he isn't willing to put effort into making you happy, you aren't willing to put effort into being with him.

So yeah, I think you need to talk to him before you dump him.

If it doesn't work, go with him when he goes drinking. Make it seem like you've drunk a little too much and fish for compliments from other guys. If that isn't a big enough wake up call, he isn't worth your time.

Good luck!

- Response by itsbrittanybitch4, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Student

Rating Received:


Sweetie, you are far too young to put up with this kind of bull shit, get out while you are ahead and find some one worthy of you. Trust me when I tell you that you do not have to put up with this and that there is always someone better for you if you will just Let this jerk go away.

- Response by patchick, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, New Orleans, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Sweetie, you are far too young to put up with this kind of bull shit, get out while you are ahead and find some one worthy of you. Trust me when I tell you that you do not have to put up with this and that there is always someone better for you if you will just Let this jerk go away.

- Response by patchick, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, New Orleans, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


You mention hangovers - is he an alcoholic? Sounds like he's not exactly the most emotionally mature fella on the block - get out before you're dragged down into the morass!

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received: