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My best friend chooses her boyfriend over me..not sure what to do?
Friendship / 11:30 PM - Friday April 24, 2009

My best friend chooses her boyfriend over me..not sure what to do?

My best friend and I have been friends for 5 years, never had any major problems or fights. She has been with her boyfriend for only 7 months yet she seems to be choosing him over me! She told me that her boyfriend doesn't like me, but he also dislikes a few other friends of hers. It makes absolutely NO SENSE..I have only met him a handful of times and never said/did anything wrong to him. My bff and I used to hang out all the time, but now since she has a boyfriend AND he doesn't like me I almost never see her..when we do hang out she lies to her boyfriend and says she is doing something else. The last time I talked to her was 2 weeks ago and she said we would do something soon, and hasn't called me/contacted me since. Most of the time when I want to hang out she says "I can't i'm hanging out with my boyfriend"- she sees him allll the time, and only sees me like once a month!
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half but I still make plenty of time to hang out with her! I'm not sure what to do..should I stop asking her to hang out and let her come to me? I'm afraid if i confront her about it that it might start a fight..HELP??

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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Yes, that is exactly what you should do; stop asking her out. Allow her to initiate seeing you. If she doesn't and wants to spend "all" of her time with him, let her and then move on. You have other friends and a life of your own. So enjoy it. She'll either come around or she will not. But, she definitely will if this new guy breaks her heart.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Nahhh.. just make yourself busy or make sometime for you and your own boyfriend. In time she'll figure out she's missing something and thats your friendship.

- Response by kiddo28, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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She's in an awkward spot having to choose between her best friend and her boyfriend. He sounds like he is insecure if she can't even tell him she is hanging out with you. Just let her make the next move if she does. Sometimes when people get into a relationship they forget about their friends. So keep yourself busy with your other friends, other projects and your boyfriend.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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If she's your age then what she's doing is pretty normal. When teens fall in love for the first time(s) they often neglect everything but their sweethearts. It's intense, it's huge. Have you ever seen the movie "Endlesslove" with Brooke Shields? Or even "Crazy/Beautiful" with Kirsten Dunst? Young lovers go insane.

Your friend is going insane over her guy. It happens all the time. You sound like you're not going so far off the deep end -- good for you.

She might also be acting out a little. You've been with your man more than twice as long as she's had hers -- do you think she might have been jealous of you when you had someone and she didn't and now is trying to pay you back?

Anyway, yes you should stop asking her to hang out and let her come to you instead.

If you confront her you will probably make her feel bad or guilty. And in response she might accuse you of being needy, suffocating, or (the worst) creepy. No fun.

- Response by steveharrymike, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Why is it so important to hang out with this particular person when it should be obvious that she has other things going on right now? Give her some slack. If she's a real friend you'll hear from her. Don't push.

- Response by snowbelle, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Medical / Dental

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