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Who comes first, your husband or your children?
Family & Parenting / 3:14 PM - Wednesday April 15, 2009

who comes first, your husband or your children?

i think that the husband should come first. please help me.

Update: April 23, 2009.
ladies!!!! you are trippin! chill out! you are clearly not understanding what is means to submit to your husband. that doesn't mean that the children are not being taken care of. that is ridiculous to think that i meant that i would neglect my kids. are you serious?!!!! when God gives you a husband and i stress when God give you! not the man you decided you were going to marry. their is a difference there. when God gives you a husband and you submit (which doesn't mean your being abused or disrepected) it is a beautiful enviroment for both you and your children. do you think that God is going to give you a jerk for a husband? i don't know what God you pray to but the lord i serve has nothing but the best for me. to assume that being submissive to your husband means that you are being belittled shows your immaturity and you are not ready for a real man in your life. again waiting for God to give you the green light for marriage is the key. what God puts together no man can take apart.

Update: April 22, 2009.
ok mommies, i get your point and thats great if that's what works for you. i too stand firm in my belief that the husband is the head of the house and should come first. it's ok to agree that we disagree. i kinda sense some hostility because of my opinion.

Update: April 22, 2009.
I first want to thank all of you who took the time to voice your opinion. i'm sorry i took so long to respond. i wanted to read each and every response carefully. i have received a pleasantly overwhelming response and i'll tell you i wasn't shocked at all with the some of your opinions. i wanted to award a lot of you stars but unfortunately only three stars can be awarded. so i chose not to award any. it was too difficult to choose. however one response summed it up perfectly. took my words right outta my mouth...I hate to say this but, I bet that everyone here who said that their children come first is divorced from the parent of their child or in a miserable marriage. 1 - Children are not strong enough to be the center of the family. 2 - It's not good to spoil children with that much attention. And once you start, they are very hard to wean off of it... if a child knows he/she can get his way by throwing a fit or crying, they will ALWAYS do it. 3 - The children will NEVER get to see what it's like for two adults to really love each other and be affectionate with each other. 4 - The children will expect to always be the center of attention and receive constant praise for everything they do. 5 - The kids will grow up, thinking that the world revolves around them, and that their spouse should treat them the same way their parents did. Of course, then THEY will get divorced too, which is a very painful process for anyone with half of a heart. What kind of parent would be so selfish as to deny their child a chance to see what a healthy adult relationship is supposed to look like if they could show them one? That's exactly why a married couple with kids should have: - Date nights - Hot intimacy - Time when the kids go up the street and play with friends - Vacations - Family together time where the adults are affectionate to one another - The adults should be able to snuggle and kiss while STILL giving some attention to the kids The children actually benefit if they learn early on that it's NOT all about them. They also grow up either in a broken home, or with two parents who barely even KNOW each other because the kids were put first. There is NO WAY an adult relationship can even survive if it's not attended with high priority most of the time. Of course, the children SHOULD be a priority, a close second... or even tied for "first" as part of the family if you consider the world of good it does them to see that they are NOT the most important thing on earth, and they get to see what give and take and love and forgiveness looks like between two happy adults... instead of two miserable parents who can't stand each other. If you hear someone talk about how their husband "went nuts" after X number of years... expect that there was a ton of passive aggressive, insane-making, neglect and other behavior going on. Most marriages don't just break apart with a loving, perfect wife and the husband just goes insane because he's a jerk-man. Chances are, he's been tortured emotionally and thrown on the back burner for a LONG time before he finally breaks. You ARE right, put your spouse FIRST if only to show your kids how it should be done so that THEY don't have to hurt too.

- Asked by 1126zamot, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Administrative

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My children do, and will ALWAYS ALWAYS come first!

Their needs must be met before a spouse's needs. It your obligation as a parent.

With that said, I think people minimize the impact that their relationship with a spouse has on the children. It is important to have couple time in order to maintain a healthy relationship. To me, that IS putting your kids first.

I also don't think that every waking second should be devoted to your children. I simply mean that if you need to choose priorities, whatever the kids need comes first. Spending time with them and teaching them to be independent is paying it forward in a sense.



- Response by myndseye711, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Vladivostok, Technical

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Community Rating: Community Star

the children come first and then the husband.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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You mean after me?

- Response by bikerchick1, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Financial / Banking

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I don't think there is any "right" answer to that question but I always tell myself that I am raising my children to be adults, NOT to spend the rest of my life with them. But you are going to spend the rest of your life with your spouse so you want that relationship to be as loving and good as possible.

- Response by singlemom1972, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I have adopted the approach that was suggested by another AO member once that I read and stuck with me.

Children are our number one responsibility, but our spouse is our number one commitment.

So, in a sense, I agree with you. Your spouse is someone to whom you have committed your life to. Your children, while they remain your children for life, grow up and become independent adults.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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NEVER! Children should always be first. That is your baby. you gave your child life. Your husband should come after the children. I put my daughter before anyone and make sure that any woman I have dated knows this. My daughter is the most important thing in my life. Your spouse can fall out of love with you and vice versa, your kids will ALWAYS love you and vice versa there as well. If my spouse ever had an issue with me putting my child first, there's the door.

- Response by ferree, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Other Profession

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It would be my opinion that my husband and I put our children first. =0)

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Veterinary

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Husband always always always!

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25

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When it comes to need my son comes first otherwise I believe that your spouse should come first. Small children have many needs, but the couple relationship is the most important one in the household. The greatest gift you can give your children is a loving home.

If you make your marriage a priority and you are stable and thriving as a couple then your children will feel more secure.

Remember at the end of the day it will be just you and your husband, your children will be grown, they will have their own lives which is why it's important to make your marriage a priotity at all times, not just after the children are grown.



- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Without a doubt your children should come first!

- Response by robynleigh24, A Life of the Party, Female, 26-28, Dallas, Administrative

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I think the children come first 99% of the time, but there are times when your relationship with your husband needs attention more than the kids.
How are you supposed to provide a loving, supporting family atmosphere if you never put your husband first?

- Response by brisbay, A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Administrative

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I choose my children. I mean, the husband is a parent too, and shouldn't behave like a big baby needing attention. A couple, together, can care for the kids. A couple, together, can make time for date nights and special alone time. But hellloo! The kids can't get their own needs met, a husband can!

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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The best thing you can do for your kids is have an loving and intact marrriage.
By not ignoring you husbands needs you ARE helping your kids.


- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Technical

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Since this is my second marriage...my kids come first....but I never have to choose...my hubby knows I love him and he is the love of my life...but remember this..

Men/Women come and go...your children are yours forever.

My kids/hubby would never put me in a position to ever choose.

- Response by divatoonami, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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I agree. Children are a product of the marriage, not vice versa. Once they are grown they will be gone, and the husband and wife unit will remain.

Women should NEVER put their children before their husband. Boyfriends, yes. Absolutely! Boyfriends don't get no privileges. But your husband, your life partner, certainly is your #1 priority. Too many women flip this around and their children become everything to them. I never understand why those women are shocked when their lonely, ignored husband becomes vulnerable to the flirtations and ego boosting attentions of harlots.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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You should never have to choose between your husband and children. Family comes first....that means everyone. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Hello,

I have to agree with you too.
And for those who dont, that is their opinions... no need for people to be judgmental just because one does not share the same opinion.

*& For those that want to know, whether you're religious or not, the scripture "Ephesians 5:22-24" talks about this topic.


For many parents, children quickly become the first priority. These little ones are who depend on us for everything from food to clothing to love. They demand almost all of our energy and attention. Still, it is extremely important after having children to make sure that your marriage comes first.

If your marriage is not strong, your children will be able to feel it. If husband and wife are constantly arguing and bickering, and seldom are ever affectionate, children will learn to behave this way when they grow up. Children have the ability to sense when things are wrong. In addition, if you are not both on the same page as parents, your parenting can become contradictory and confusing for your children.

Putting your marriage first insures that your needs are being met. When you are on an airplane, the airline attendants always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your children, so that you are stable enough to help them. It is the same way with marriage. By keeping your marriage strong, you keep yourself strong and much better able to care for your children.


SO, it isnt as if this question is implying that women are supposed to give all your undivided attention to your S/O & ignore your children. I think some may be reading too much into this question or taking it tooo literally.





- Response by mrshopkins, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Self-Employed

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I'm frankly amazed at the number of people who say the kids come first. I think that's the stupidest way to conduct a relationship with the one person who will -- ideally -- actually be going the lifelong distance with you.

Perhaps when people say they put their spouses first, others are misunderstanding this to mean that they are neglecting the children. The life partners putting each other first does not necessitate starving the children and not seeing to their needs as they grow from childhood into adulthood. In fact, it is one of the responsibilities of parents to demonstrate to their children what a healthy life companionship between two adults looks like. Treating your husband or wife as a second class citizen while treating the children as major or even minor deities is an extraordinarily *bad* way to raise children. It gives them the totally wrong idea about relationships and brings them up to be spoiled, self-centered jerks who are incapable of developing and maintaining solid relationships of any kind. Children brought up in that kind of atmosphere never get past the notion that they are the rightful center of the universe.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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well then if u ask a man the same question then the children come before the WIFE...how u like that..bitches!

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 29-35, Toronto, Financial / Banking

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Well, it seems logical that your kids should come first and in most marriages they do, but in order to have a healthy household you really have to start with the parents. Your husband needs to come first. A married couple need to be able to communicate and be on the same page, have a healthy relationship with eachother that the kids can learn from and respect. If the kids are always put first it teaches them that it is ok to disrespect people and it will follow them into their own marriages therefore having disfunctional households themselves.

- Response by 1kcrazy, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, San Francisco, Other Profession

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I have neither a husband nor children, but if I did, my husband would come first. That's not to say that children aren't important, but your partner should be the MOST important.

- Response by sunset77, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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This is one of those "chicken or egg" questions. It depends what you mean about which comes first. Your job as a parent is to guide, protect and love your child above all others. Remember, you chose to have children. They have the right to be protected and nutured. Your husband on the other hand, was your choice. You promised to love, honor and respect him. So in lies the dilemma.

My daughter health and well-being comes before all others. Her personality and body is being formed, and it's my job to make sure that she has everything that she needs to reach her goals.

My relationship with my spouse is paramount. But understand, our combined efforts is to care for our child. If they were to get in an argument, as a parent, I have to side with my wife in the open. If my spouse was wrong and/or mean-spirited, I'd jump in and assess the situation before saying anything. What I am saying is that there's no right answer with the vagueness of your question, with the caveat that you're guardians of your children. They come first in practical matters. When you marry, you're considered one entity. In the perfect world, you don't put one over another. If you are having to chose one over another, then you need family counseling.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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This reminds me of a question some lady asked me once. She asked me "If your husband and child were both drowning, who would you save first?" I said my child. She said I was wrong b/c if my child died, I could always have another one, if my husband died I could never find another him. My husband and I both thought she was crazy. We would both save our child before each other.

- Response by buffyfuel37, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Depends on teh situation! and the context! you cannot chose one over teh other blindly.
But if I want to donate my kidney or protect from a killer, its the children. The rule here is that the children has only me to protect them but the man has his own material power and relationships.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I would ask... which of the two Needs you most? I understand
that some women would choose thier husband first, but If that's the case, Why have children?

- Response by hermitpath, Female, 66 or older, Transportation

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I think the children should come first until they are out of High School.Then after that, yes the husband by all means comes first. There are so many situations in a marriage with children,there really is no right or wrong answer in this question.I would think that in an open marriage both partners would know that the children come first.Other wise why did you really want children. They change the life style of the parents in so many ways.But then again I was 28 when I had my first son.I was ready to settle back and raise children, without having to give anything up.Like friends and going out and about when ever I felt like it. I had already experienced a lot in my life.I know it can be the total opposite when you are 18-25. :)

- Response by roanna, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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depends if the husband is a "jerk"...

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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In theroy and bibically your husband should come first and as I have a handicapped adult child that is not always possible but I try to keep it balanced.

- Response by mallowcup, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Husband, I really disagree with people's responses. In my eyes one can always have another kid, but a husband is irrerplacble, someone you made a life commitment to and are pledging the rest of your life to, kids come and go, but your spouse is by your side forever.

- Response by akinaa, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25

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Your spouse should always take precedence over your children. If you do not nurture and place importance on your relationship or marriage, you have no strong basis for your family unit and it will suffer. Always place your relationship first and your children will never suffer. You have to keep the family unit strong and that begins with your relationship.

- Response by meandmrjones, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Your husband...your children will see this great example of a healthy loving relationship and be sure to do the same with their mate. Two miserable adults is no way to raise children...you have to have a strong foundation in the relationship to raise healthy happy children.

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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I believe God comes first then your husband and then your children.

- Response by mysticdream44, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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For me , the husband only comes 1st if there are no children involved. once the children are born they should become the priority of both of the parents, that being said, if you were to become divorced , and remarried, how do you think your children would feel if you put that new husband's needs before theirs?

- Response by scorpiochicinnj, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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I think there needs to be a balance on this one. I pretty much agree that the children's needs need to come first, but I would never neglect my husband over the children either. I would want to make sure I have a very strong marriage, and make sure my husband is getting his needs met as well. It is important to keep the marriage strong so that the children will have a nice, stable life with two parents. So I think the husband and wife really need to work together on this one. Great Question!

- Response by voodoo68, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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for me the mistress comes first

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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This is a tough question but I'm leaning towards husband. I put my husband first and he puts me first, and together we put our children first. Sounds kinda weird but that's how it works... I guess you could also say that the husband should put his wife first and she can then put her children first. Someone has to take care of someone though! If both parents focus solely on the children then their relationship gets put on the back burner and that's not good for kids either!

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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children comes first because no matter what happen they'll always be known as your children and you'll always have them and always be a mother to them....but in the other hand, husbands come and go. 10 years from now u and ur husband may not be together and you probably become friends or even strangers to each other

- Response by sexysteff89, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Student

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Children! You're children NEED you! Your husband can support himself financially and mentally without you (for most cases) or he can find a way to survive. Your children are the ones who have not seen the world yet and need you to help prepare them for what is to come. Of course your husband is VERY important and you could never love your children and husband in the SAME way but still. I'm thinking children.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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I think they should both come first,when your husband need you tend to him but when your children needs you your husband should understand you need to tend to them first when your husband sees what a great mother you are he will love you even more, because when a man choose his life time mate one of the most important thing they look for in a woman is that they would be a great mother to their children.

- Response by chrisliyean, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Toronto, Home Maker

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You are right, of course.

Whoose goonna make sure the there are enought $$ in the bank.......

Your in an areoplane at 40,000ft. It depressuriseses, who do you put the mnask on first.....you or your partner in the next seat......(baby)

You of course cos if you don't get air the baby dies anyway

Its an inteligence question designed to get people to make tough decisions .......

- Response by spadeace, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I private messaged a woman who gave the example about airbag instructions on planes, and how this related to main question of who comes first. To use this example suggest that a spouse would take care of her husband first then find an airbag for their children. I'm aghast!

Most people got this answer right, though. Parents are one unit who put their children first. A mother should never have to decide whether to give to her husband OR her children. If he feels slighted, then he better grow up. Children are supposed to be demanding and needy. Your job is to build independence through providing their basic and secondary needs.

There was a very touching story that came out of the Katrina flood in New Orleans. A man was interviewed right after on national news about losing his wife. Their home was being overwhelmed by water, and it was pushing them out of safety. They were both holding their children when another wave hit. She told him to let go of her and safe their children. She perished in the flood, but their children survived. Now, who would you save?

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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I'm not saying that the child should ever go without. I am saying the spouse should be met before hand. If you always put the child needs before your spouse the marriage will not last.

Of course this doesn't apply if the child is been abused by the other spouse.



- Response by tleeb, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Dallas, Other Profession

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I hate to say this but, I bet that everyone here who said that their children come first is divorced from the parent of their child or in a miserable marriage.

1 - Children are not strong enough to be the center of the family.

2 - It's not good to spoil children with that much attention. And once you start, they are very hard to wean off of it... if a child knows he/she can get his way by throwing a fit or crying, they will ALWAYS do it.

3 - The children will NEVER get to see what it's like for two adults to really love each other and be affectionate with each other.

4 - The children will expect to always be the center of attention and receive constant praise for everything they do.

5 - The kids will grow up, thinking that the world revolves around them, and that their spouse should treat them the same way their parents did. Of course, then THEY will get divorced too, which is a very painful process for anyone with half of a heart.

What kind of parent would be so selfish as to deny their child a chance to see what a healthy adult relationship is supposed to look like if they could show them one?

That's exactly why a married couple with kids should have:
- Date nights
- Hot intimacy
- Time when the kids go up the street and play with friends
- Vacations
- Family together time where the adults are affectionate to one another
- The adults should be able to snuggle and kiss while STILL giving some attention to the kids

The children actually benefit if they learn early on that it's NOT all about them.

They also grow up either in a broken home, or with two parents who barely even KNOW each other because the kids were put first.

There is NO WAY an adult relationship can even survive if it's not attended with high priority most of the time.

Of course, the children SHOULD be a priority, a close second... or even tied for "first" as part of the family if you consider the world of good it does them to see that they are NOT the most important thing on earth, and they get to see what give and take and love and forgiveness looks like between two happy adults... instead of two miserable parents who can't stand each other.

If you hear someone talk about how their husband "went nuts" after X number of years... expect that there was a ton of passive aggressive, insane-making, neglect and other behavior going on.

Most marriages don't just break apart with a loving, perfect wife and the husband just goes insane because he's a jerk-man. Chances are, he's been tortured emotionally and thrown on the back burner for a LONG time before he finally breaks.

You ARE right, put your spouse FIRST if only to show your kids how it should be done so that THEY don't have to hurt too.

Good luck.



- Response by wp2007, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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children first , spouse can take care of himself

your relationship with your husband how ever should have place.

romance maitaned because your children are watching you to see

how to interact with others ,how to take care of them selves

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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If I tallied this right, more men and women think that the CHILDREN come first. Three times more married women felt this way over single women. Twice as many men felt that the children came first. This is an informal poll.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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CHILDREN
Then my husband was a close second. I am a widow though- so.... It's my kids first.

- Response by momharleyxl, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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I would say that it depends on how old the kids are. Infant, toddlers would definitely come first. Once the kids get in their teens they will probably not want as much attention - not that you should be completely oblivious to what they are doing but they will want their space. By 17 or 18 they should be fairly independent who may still require some support and guidance.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Detroit

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Children, of course! The husband doesn't go on the back burner or anything but you must put the children's needs before your spouses. However, make sure you set aside special time for him, because he's the one that will be there when the nest becomes empty.

- Response by lisaj89, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Student

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Kids and that's why there are so many miserable husbands out there.

- Response by atticus, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Atlanta, Managerial

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I just want to go on record here -- as if this forum really matters at all -- as noting for you a huge gulf between two emotionally healthy adult partners putting each other first, and everyone in the household, adult female included, "submitting" to the power whims of a defective man with unresolved power issues.

The parents should be first with each other; when one of them insists on everyone else being subordinate to him, that is just as unhealthy an environment in which to raise children as is the household in which the children "come first," and one or the other spouse is treated as a second class citizen.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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I will say that husbands definitely comes first! How can a marriage last if ether one of the parties are feeling as a second- class citizen? Definitely, people today don't know what marriage means... it means a LIFE covenant you made to the Lord! How can you say that your spouse is replaceable? Your kids need a safe environment with love and support so they can grow up healthy and become independent. If either the Mom or Dad is missing, they will develop insecure, self- centered, etc.
Then, people wonder why marriage never works?.... you see men and women divorced three and four times and they still haven't figured it out!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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I think so many women on this board need to ask themselves why their relationships fail? Men as well need to hear this, each person in a relationship needs to feel valued and loved. Mothers or Fathers who put the children first are setting their marriages up for catastrophe. If the children know that they rule a family unit then they will divide the unit without even realizing it. Children grow up and move away, your spouse, if he or she feels loved and valued then they will WANT to nourish and support the relationship and eventually they will stray. Of course children, WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG, will get the clothes, food, and shelter priorities but then when they are teenagers and SHOULD have a part time job then even that should change. A child is taught to be self sufficient and reliant on one person THEMSELVES, when they get a mate they will look at the fine example that their parents gave them about a relationship and that they union comes first. The children cannot and should never come between a man and a woman.

- Response by timadvice01, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Toronto

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What do you do when your adult child (34 years old), that has children of his own, tells you that he comes first over your husband of 20 years (obviously not the father of this 34 year old) and should always come first? I did my part the best I could while my child was a "child". Does my 34 year old adult child still come first at this age? How far does this go when you are used and abused (not literally) and neglected by your grown children and made to feel that you still owe them the world (and have been giving it with no appreciation, only more guilt)?

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 56-65

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Children.


Your husband will die before them anyway (statistically speaking).

- Response by alex86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28

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CHILDREN!. Before I had children I might have said husband but I would have been wrong.


- Response by justapuss, Female, 46-55, Athens, Self-Employed

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Coplicate Q... I think that if it can't be both then kids... Husbands are coming and going... But kids will be your's forever ... And by losing their trust in your love, will turn you life in hell till the end of your days... kids are part of us which will be connected to us forever, whatever happens...
No man can replace your child, no matter how you love your man.

Sorry guys :)

- Response by faceful, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Rome, Who Cares?

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Sorry, for me it's the kids. Not that I don't love him to death. but my children are everything, and I owe them that kind of loyalty.
Sue



- Response by smm110861, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Your flesh and blood of course, your kids, and then your husband.

- Response by stud4urfun, A Creative, Male, 29-35, New York, Political / Government

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Hmm. I'm going with children.

Not suggesting anything, but this is how I'd sort of... well. Put it into perspective (my perspective, at least)

If you're in an abusive relationship, husband abusive sort of thing, and your children witness that, in a situation like that (just an example) the wife is putting the husband first, by allowing him to do terrible things in front of the children, most likely later causing the children problems.
An abusive husband is not likely to remain a husband long if the wife puts her children first; she'll not allow them to see what's happening and will, most likely, for their safety, remove them and herself (because they need her) from the situation.

(Wow, I really have a strange outlook on things)
So I'd say the children come first. Not suggesting that all men will go to that, but that's how I look at things. I dunno. There is the other extreme; the Mother putting her children way too far first, leaving the husband feeling left out, which can cause divorces and all kinds of problems.

I'd say children come first, but you still must look after the husband. He needs love too, and the children also need a father.

Really don't think that helped anything, but yeah. That's my input :)

- Response by hinderedangel, A Creative, Female, 22-25, Tasmania

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my children come first then me then my husband, my children because they need me, then me because i am human and i have needs and if i dont take care of me im going to get sick and if that happens then who is going to take care of my kids? and then comes him because he is an adult is able to walk and has two able hands so he should be able to take care of himself his not 5.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Student

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Uh...just curious: how do you figure that your husband is more important than your children?

- Response by luvsdjhtm, A Career Woman, Female, 26-28, Seattle, Who Cares?

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I don't have either, and I don't want kids. . .so, I guess my horse comes first.

- Response by saucywench, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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