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I gave him everything he wanted and he still dumped me, why on earth would he do that?
Dating / 4:34 PM - Monday April 13, 2009

I gave him everything he wanted and he still dumped me, why on earth would he do that?

My boyfriend dumped me after 3 years together and it hurts bad.

I gave him sex even when i wasnt in the mood, I let him pick the movie every time we went out, he picked all the restaurants.

I even took him back when he cheated on me. I made him whatever he wanted to eat anytime he wanted it.

I gave him money when he needed it. I let him borrow my car when his was in the shop. I gave him my entire heart and I loved him. WHY? WHY did he leave me?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I don't know why. But I'm sure after some time passes you will meet someone else.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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You turned yourself into a doormat without a mind of your own. You should have had some independence hun. I know that hurts to hear but no man respects a woman who lets him have his way all the time. Learn to say no once in a while and have an opinion and some passion about something other than a man. It sounds like he was your entire world and that's an awful heavy burden to place on anyone.

- Response by meandmrjones, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I am so sorry for that. It doesn't mean at all "you were a doormate" or such things. Believe me. He is just a bad person who doesn't appreciate a good woman. I am sorry you didn't realize that earlier. Now cut it off. He may or may not feel what he lost but you should be proud of yourself that you were a good woman who believed in love.
If we give we are blammed, if we don't we are also blammed, if we tried to be moderate they pick up on tinny things. Women are just wonderful creatures, but nature sometimes is so unfair.
Hugs

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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you required NOTHING of him...I'd treat you like a doormat too.
Who were you, his Mom?
PUH-LEEEZ get through this one as a lesson learned...and get yourself some Rules on how NOT to be a doormat-
guys don't respect that AT ALL.

- Response by milfinmpls, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Maybe he wanted a real woman, not a doormat. It sounds like you never ever gave an opinion on anything. He never knew you.

- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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probably cause ur really dumb, no guy wants to be with a weak women like you.

- Response by An Engaged Guy, Male, 29-35

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maybe because he wanted a partner, not a doormat. in a healthy relationship it is much more even. he will want to go places that you want to go, and be interested in what you'd like. it will be mutual, not one sided.

you sound like a kind and loving person who deserves to be loved the right way. good luck.

- Response by kaliope, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45

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You gave to much.....there wasn't anything else for him to take....the game got to be too easy....

- Response by lab01, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, St.Louis, Other Profession

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you listed all the reasons why. This doesn't mean that you should treat a guy like crap, but there should be moderation.

- Response by anonymouspersona, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Miami, Student

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My guess is he got tired of you making him your whole life instead of showing some independence in the relationship. Basically you gave up everything for this man including your dignity and self-respect. Men do not find this attractive. Oh sure he liked it for a while because it allowed him to do as he pleased knowing you would always be there, but after a while this gets old!



- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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He clearly did not respect you. You talk about all the stuff you gave him...what did he give to you? A relationship (to be healthy) is a 50/50. If he loved you, he would be putting as much into the relationship as you were. I'm sorry, you didn't want to hear that but it's the truth. You deserve much better. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find a man that cares for you!

- Response by solstess, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I was in the same situation. I did everything for my ex but we ended up breaking up.Although he says it is because he realized he could never give me what my dad had, I think he just wanted more of a challenge.

It is so hard to not agree to everything a guy wants when you know you love him so much. I learned that he really didn't do much for me because I never gave him the opportunity, I had already done everything. He wanted to be part of the working relationship and by doing everything he wanted, I didn't give him that opportunity. I have learned from my mistakes.

- Response by robynleigh24, A Life of the Party, Female, 26-28, Dallas, Administrative

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Maybe he left you because he was tired of you giving him everything he asked for. In all reality, guys don't want a woman that does their every wish. Stand up for yourself, take a stand, or as they say, grow some nuts. I am more attracted to a sefl confident woman that knows who she is and is willing to stand up for her beliefs. A woman with self esteem that doesn't just roll over when a guy tells her to. Be an individual and a person, not a slave or robot. Once you learn that, you will find the right guy and you will be happy and be able to make you own decisions and he will respect that.

- Response by ferree, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Other Profession

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I was in the same situation. I did everything for my ex but we ended up breaking up.Although he says it is because he realized he could never give me what my dad had, I think he just wanted more of a challenge.

It is so hard to not agree to everything a guy wants when you know you love him so much. I learned that he really didn't do much for me because I never gave him the opportunity, I had already done everything. He wanted to be part of the working relationship and by doing everything he wanted, I didn't give him that opportunity. I have learned from my mistakes.

- Response by robynleigh24, A Life of the Party, Female, 26-28, Dallas, Administrative

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Your first mistake was being too much of a pleaser. You should have sex when you're BOTH in the mood and let him pick the movie and the restaurant about 1/2 the time, not all the time.
Your second mistake was taking him back after he cheated on you. You basically turned into a spineless doormat, because you thought that's what you were supposed to do, but instead of appreciating you, he just took you for granted and used you.
But he's obvioulsy a user type anyway. Otherwise, he would not have continued to take advantage of you for 3 years. Be glad he's out of your life. Really. Take some time to work on your self, figure out what YOU want and need, and don't get involved with anyone else until you know the relationship is going to be a happier, more balanced one.


- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Guys don't want everything they want. For that matter, neither do females. Nobody does. People want challenges and obstacles to deal with because if everything went right in life, it would be boring and monotonous.
Next time try to give less and take more. It sounds like you were 99% give and 1% take when you needed more of a balance like 60% give and 40% take.

- Response by germansquad, A Guy Critical, Male, 18-21, Therapist

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I think he maybe thought you will allow him go back to you after he gets hurt from others because you are so nice to him.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Why? Because you didn't challenge him enough. You just gave, gave and gave some more, without asking for anything in return. You know what men call that, right? A doormat. I'm sorry, but you cannot be in an one-sided relationship and expect the other person to respect you. You didn't demand respect. Hopefully next time, you'll make him work for your attention. If you give, look to see if he is capable of giving to you.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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you were too nice to him, he got bored. Next time be you, think of you, have some fun. GOOD LUCK!

- Response by chantelshome, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Transportation

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The same same situation is with me going on seriously whatever you mentioned the money and some other things he need but not sex ahaaann!!!!naaaaaaaaaaa aaa
ya but you know getting too much emotional means you fooling urself!!!!answers you got i read all those and i guess they all
true i am also learning now...its right time if i correct my mistake as well i am in relation right now but so many times we had a break up from his side coz i think in his dictionary there is no sorry word.....i mean we had fight that i forgot 1 of his work he told me he said break-off.

These type of guys take so much of advantage of us and not even bothered you know
chill lady you will definetly get a gud guy...he don't deserve you and not a right guy for you....now love that guy who loves you,,,,,, and do you have any situation that you love this guy and some other guy loves you if yes than start talking to him you will feel gud ur mind will be diverted be strong its tough after all 3 yrs.

Tk care dear.

- Response by mehakpinkgirl, A Creative, Female, 26-28, New Delhi

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He got everything he wanted ... until there was nothing left.

Sad.

And sad as it is, you are better off without him. He didn't honor your gifts - whether or not they were wisely given - and he didn't respect you.

Without respect, there can be no lasting relationship. It will last only until he sees something he likes better.



- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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and god is watching evythng once he's gone he will definetly realize this thing definetly and will call you also to say sorry in your life this world is not too big........
and than don't listen him....

- Response by mehakpinkgirl, A Creative, Female, 26-28, New Delhi

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he desired more of a challenge !!
ask him why he left you -i'm no mind or heart reader
you were too nice and giving for him and he didn't deserve your love ~~
move on !

- Response by tpass419, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Alternative Medicine

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read the books heart of love and count your blessing by dr john demartini
work on you !! 4get about him !!

- Response by tpass419, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Alternative Medicine

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Wake up!! Men tend to be fickle creatures and from my experience they do not stick around when there is no challenge. You did not have a mind of your own with him. You have to give a man a reason to respect you. Have you ever noticed how the women who treat their men like crap, the men can't seem to get enough of her?? Makes you wonder, huh??? I'm not saying that you should treat a man like crap, only that if you give them everything and expect nothing, don't be disappointed when that is exactly what you get.

- Response by karen3210, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Administrative

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I feel for you and am so sorry your going through this. But, sounds like you were a doormat for this guy. And guy's don't want a doormat, they want a woman who can stand up to them and tell them no once in a while. I know your hurt, but someone is out there who will appricate you for the kind person you are. Just don't jump into a new relationship to soon. God Bless.

- Response by mysticdream44, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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lack of commucnication.
he got everything from you and now he is going on to another woman for more.
he gave nothing back to you....he just took and gave nothing back.

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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you say that you gave him everything he wanted.. maybe he dumped you exactly because of this?!
you know? guys are often behaiving like this... they are "hunters" they want some challange everytime. you were perfect untill he realised that he wasn't interested in you any more...
i totally understand you... you feel sooo bad now... you didn't even think that he would do like this.you thought that you were perfect for him... this was like a knife in ur back.
but Lifes goes on... just never forget that wonderfll time what you had together and let him go...
let yourself to start again...
life is so beautiful don't waste it..
i'm sure you'll find the one who will appreciate you.
good luck

- Response by ekushaa, A Player, Female, 22-25

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it's no challenge being with you because you let him feel that whatever, whenever, whoever will do. he is just so immature to let you go just like that. but on second thoughts, this will serve as a lesson for you not to SPOIL jerks like him in your next relationship. women fall, and they fall hard, but once they get over that challenge, women get much much stronger and good handlers of relationships. believe me...time will come that he'll come back to you when you feel nothing anymore..that will be your vindication.

- Response by veniece68, A Player, Female, 29-35

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You let him use you! You were too nice and he stomped all over you. Be yourself, and take some time to yourself to do things you enjoy. I hope once your heart heals that you find a nice guy to treat you as well as you treat him. sorry and good luck..

- Response by kira85, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Dallas, Financial / Banking

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Are you kidding? You somehow thought this total loser was deserving of your time, money, love, etc. He was a TAKER---& honey, he recognized that you are a GIVER.

You allowed yourself to be a doormat. A servant who met his every whim. That isn't love. You have no self esteem: Don't you deserve better? Evidently, you haven't thought so, or you wouldn't have kept coddling that total jerk!

You can do better! Find someone who reciprocates your love & devotion---someone who VALUES YOU. not for what you'll put up with, but for who you are!! :) Good luck to you!

- Response by cressida1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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I saw an episode of cheaters where a woman was crying into the camera saying how she had worked so hard and her guy still cheated. This was a stay at home mom who had gained 80 pounds in the last three years (her husband was still in shape), the house was a pig sty even when she knew the cameras would be there and she called to bitch him out even when she knew she was being recorded (I guess she didn't want him to be suspicious that something was up).

Fulfilling relationships aren't about having someone to do your laundry, cook your meals and not do anything unless you order them to. Did you gain weight or otherwise let yourself go? Did you have something besides the relationship you were passionate about? Are you one of those people who complain about everything? Did you fight with him and think nothing of it?

One of the requirements for being in a healthy relationship is having standards for your partner and always being willing to leave. If a person can treat you any way they want without there ever being consequences, if they see you have no respect for yourself then after three years it will be nearly impossible for them to feel respect for you either.

What will be hard to see is that this is really a blessing in disguise. Life gave you an opportunity to get out of your dysfunctional way of life. You are no longer stuck and have an opportunity to explore who you want to be, find things you are passionate about, build yourself and eventually start over with a relationship but only this time do it right. My advice is to not squander this opportunity by jumping into the first relationship you can get and making the same mistake of trying to get everything you need from someone else.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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HI I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK. IT'S LIKE THIS A MAN WANTS A CHALLENGE HE DOES'NT WANT A MRS. DO EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. HE WANTS YOU TO SET LIMITS LIKE WHEN HE CHEATED YOU SHOULD HAVE LET HIM KNOW THAT IT WASN'T COOL. THEN IGNORE HIS TALE FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS, GRANTED IT WOULD Have hurt but he would have respected you for it. TWO DON'T GIVE ANY MAN YOUR MONEY HE SHOULD FEEL HONORED TO GIVE YOU SOME. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG IT'S NICE TO SHARE BUT ONLY WHEN HE'S DONE IT FOR A PERIOD OF TIME. AND AS FAR AS THE SEX YOU COULD HAVE MADE HIM WAIT.!!!! I TOO HAVE PUT MYSELF IN THIS SAME POSITION AND IT HAS GOTTEN ME THESE SAME RESULTS YOUR DEALING WITH NOW. BUT I HAD TO FIND MY SELF WORTH AN TREAT'EM LIKE I WANT TO BE TREATED OR JUST DON'T DEAL WITH THEM AT ALL!!!!!

- Response by tamikageese38, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 36-45, Charlotte

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okay you may have given him the world and the stars to go with it i understand your hurt i do but he may have relized you just weren't suited mabye he is just not ready for a commitment mabye he wants more time to be free mabye he needed a break mabye he found someone else regardless you did everything and it obviously wasn't enough so he is not enough for you but stay strong it may hurt but i am sure one day you may relize why he left if you never do then it doesn't matter anyways becasue he left you for no reason so you couldn't have done anything better and no jerk is worth that talk to him and get a reason if you need closure and tell him thats why you want a reason

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Vancouver, Student

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Some guys just suck.. Or he was never really in love, but liked getting to do what he wanted, so he rode it out.
Some guys are just in it to take from the relationship and not to give back to it. Don't beat yourself up, you tried you gave it your all, and it didn't work with him. He may not even know what he wanted from your relationship, many guys don't. Don't let it stop you from giving your all in a relationship in the future, but do use it to try and read the next guy to make sure you are not in a one sided situation. There are many guys out there, and not all are like him, so don't get discouraged.


- Response by sohodutch, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, New York, Technical

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Sugar... you seem like a sweet girl and you really tried to make it work... but it takes 2... and perhaps you ought to think a bit about WHY you felt like you must do all of that to keep a man... have you ever thought about what it would be like for someone to bring you breakfast in bed... or do those little things for YOU? Concentrate on YOU right now and not the why of it... it's over... and DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE should he call... move on.. and get a pedicure it'll make you feel better...

- Response by lareveillaise13, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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you attracted him for 3 years to LEarn how to LOVE unconditionally and LIVE IN THE MOMENT With NO EXPECTATIONS !!
Leave him and Move on - He wants more excitement and someone who can put him in his place !

- Response by tpass419, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Alternative Medicine

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It sounds like he took all of the things you did for granted and treated you bad too. In the future be a little guarded and don't do "everything" for a man. It's hard when you give from your heart and the other party just takes as if they are entitled. This guy clearly took advantage of your kindness. Remember how things happened and make sure no one hurts you like this again. Make sure the man is worthy of your time and energy...heck let him roll out the red carpet for you...

- Response by cocoacurevelous, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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Girl, you didn't do any thing wrong he was just a jerk... Have you heard that saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone" Well that's what he is going to missing is you because there is not many females who will do all that for their bf. So don't worry about him, it might take you awhile to get over him but you will find someone better and he is going to realize that he missed out on a good thing.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Dallas, Student

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Jeannie:

Oh God! I'd love a woman like you! (assuming you have given me the whole story)

Signed:

Major Nelson

- Response by jhinnyc, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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He was taking advantage of you. Sorry to say it but I went through the same thing. We were together for three years also and according to him I was the most beautiful girl he ever met and perfect for him and then overnight he dumped me without explanation. So all you can do is realize it is something wrong with him and you did all you could do and make sure you do not get involved with someone like that again. In my case he acted so kind and loving because he knew that was what I wanted. So now I am much more careful. Don't take things at face value. Make sure it lasts or run as fast as you can.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Other Profession

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because hes an asshole. u should've never took him back after he cheated on you and plus u gave him too much.and im sorry about your break-up

- Response by sexysteff89, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Student

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Your guy was an ass and you consitently rewarded him for it.

No challenge + no opinion = doormat + no man.

Challenge (with love) +
great sex (when you are both in the mood) +
no monetary loans +
sound advice +
Self respect =
Happy, respectful man coming back to you over and over.

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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Yes, it does hurt because you thought as 'long as you never did anything to displease him' that your realtionship would always last. And when it didn't, you really couldn't see a reason as to WHY it didn't last.

Humans and relationships are complex and dynamic. There is no 'constant' that will make a realtionship last. The only constant is the effort all parties invovled are willing to put into it.

I have two stories for you, and everyone has their own. I was with a man for 17 years and we had a 4 year old daughter (she is six now). I thought nothing would EVER change and we would be together forever. We had the same interests, lifestyles, found each other attractive, etc. Well, he dumped me and I couldn't understand WHY at that point. Looking back, I see many 'red flags' from both of us. Including our poor communication. It was just fighting and arguing. But at that time I thought that was 'normal' because as long as we 'loved' each other, everything else would fall into place.

Now, I have a friend who has been 'seeing' this girl on and off again for three years (all the while he has been pursuing other women -even buying a house with another woman!). My friend and this girl he has been seeing for three years just had a baby together. She was going to give it up for adoption but he talked her into keeping it. She admitted she was only going to do adoption 'because SHE was afraid HE would me mad.' She sounds just like you doing anything he wanted -all the way down to keeping a baby!! She did EVERYTHING for him. Even driving an hour to bring him lunch on his half hour lunch break. As of now, he is going to make a commitment to her because he wants his son around him all the time - but I actually give it about two years or less of it actually 'working'. If they are together longer it will only be because they will be in that 'comfort zone' where it is difficult to be with one another but even more difficult to be apart, especially because of the kid.

So, be glad you got out BEFORE you had a kid with him - hopefully now you will estbalish boudries in your next relationship and it will be more of a give and take(equally) then you giving and him taking.


- Response by arachnid08, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45

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He knew he was treating you like a doormat, didn't like it, saw that it was hurting you, and let you go free... He didn't want to hurt you anymore and knows you do deserve better... He knew he was going to regret his decision, and that it would hurt the both of you. He knew he would change is mind, and that he would miss you. If he's smart, he'll get to tackling his thought and behavior patterns and adjusting his outlook on life. It's going to be tough for him without you, but he needs to know that he can do it for himself. Don't be afraid to call and ask him how he's doing, but keep it short. Talking about the break up will open fresh wounds and won't be good for either of you.

Give it at least a month for things to cool down. If he isn't ready to talk, its because he hasn't quite figured out how to be honest with himself and doen't want to lie to you.

If you bump into him, remember to smile, maybe reach for his shoulder, look him in the eye, and he'll smile back.

When he's ready to talk, make sure you are too. And be ready to listen too. A lot of times, breakups occur from one big misunderstanding that takes a while for bother parties to work out.

Patience, understanding, and forgiveness is key to feeling better about yourself.



- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Because you were a door mat that would put up with just about anything to have him in your life....including having him leave for someone else who no doubt isn't willing to do anything but instead inserts their own essence into the relationship as an equal partner. I mean no offense when I tell you that men consider women like you pathetic in a sense. You need to not repeat this scenario next time. It doesn't work. It makes you a martyr.

- Response by joybird, A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I say that he was a leech.

Next time, learn to say "no."

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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It seems like you didn't challenge him.

You caved to his every desire and even allowed him to cheat on you.


- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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because you have no backbone and he could do what ever he wanted.

- Response by pepperman46, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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Maybe he thought you were a pushover. You need to have a voice sometimes too.

- Response by luvsdjhtm, A Career Woman, Female, 22-25, Seattle, Who Cares?

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You did everything for him and he didn't find you a challenge.

By doing everything he wants, even let him pick the movie and the restaurant...It showed to him you had no opinion of your own and just did things to please him, not because you enjoyed them...

I couldn't deal with someone like that either. Someone that will never contradict me and will do everything I say? It's boring.

Learn for the next relationship. Being in a relationship does not mean you need to lose yourself, your independence...On the contrary! Good luck.

- Response by marycherry, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Fitness

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Hmmmm, sex on demand.... control.... money too? Hell yeah girl come see me I'm down with that!!

Sometimes even when you give a person everything they want they don't know how to appreciate it and they end up rejecting it. Sucks but that's the way stupid humans are.

- Response by rodir0n, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Sacramento, Managerial

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we need to be challenged sometimes.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Self-Employed

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you ever seen the movie Coming to America? go watch the clip of the prince's first meeting with his princess to be... you sound like her

- Response by boogiebabie137, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, New York, Medical / Dental

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