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How do I deal with psychotic in-laws?
Married Life / 3:56 AM - Saturday April 11, 2009

How do I deal with psychotic in-laws?

So I married my wife while I was a volunteer in Asia and we just recently came back to America. (She is from over there btw)

When we first got here, her relatives were all happy that I'd gone through so much personal trouble to bring their niece/cousin to America and they were very nice. But very quickly they started to nag on me for not having a job quickly and accusing me of failing to provide stability because I was taking my wife to meet my friends and relatives around the country rather than staying in one place. (Primarily speaking about their house)

Recently they just started telling my wife that she needs to leave me if I'm too lazy because I'm having trouble finding a job. They also have been non-stop blaming me for not having come to the US without my wife to work and then bring her over when I had more money. Plus when I try to tell them my plans all I get is this "Your a moron" attitude and I'm told how wrong I am! They won't take anything I say seriously! (Especially when I try to tell them about the ridiculously high taxes and unemployment in CA!) My wife and I actually got to the point where we couldn't take it anymore and moved out from their home and in with my sister in another state while I search for a job.

My wife didn't want to talk to them the other day when they called and her aunt's immediate reaction was to call my wife's mother and make sure I wasn't beating my wife!

I don't understand any of this behavior! Its a down economy and most people who are out of work are having just as much trouble finding jobs. I spent virtually every penny I have just trying to make sure my wife could be with me because I love her. And I have never even considered hurting my wife in any way shape or form!

How does someone just jump to ridiculous conclusions and become so hostile towards someone else?

And I know I would rather just estrange myself from them, but they are my wife's family and I need to do it for her sake, but what are some ideas for how I can get along with them?

Update: April 11, 2009.
Just for the record on this. My wife is from Cambodia, not the Philippines. And my mother-in-law who is still in Asia is way awesome, she actually loves me with a job or without. The psychotic in-laws are her aunt, uncle, and cousins here in America who I thought were going to help us while we got on our feet.

- Asked by brondo55, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Other Profession

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When you marry a Philipino you also marry the family , You are looked on as an investment

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Community Rating: Community Star

Bet they aree Fillipinos

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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My man the only way to get along with them for right now is to stay away from them ,you are not good enough for ther daughter and may never be but you go out there and prove them all wrong Go to college or if graduated do back and get another degree that will help you land a good job. The thing is PROVE them wrong!!Both of you do that and they will have to get real or be away from their daughter for life and thats their loss not yours!! be cool and I hope things work out for you!!

- Response by ptawillis, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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....they are not going to change. It sounds like a cultural thing.

You gotta axe yourself, 'self, is this the kind of crap that I want to listen to forever and ever?'.....because inlaws don't go away (I learned this the hard way)

- Response by nameacarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

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I'm glad your wife seems to be in your corner, at least for now. Treat her like a queen and don't worry about anything else. When the job finally comes through, great, they will get off your back. (We hope.) Meanwhile, try not to do anything irrevocable -- don't get so angry that you say things that will be hard to take back later.

I have young relatives in Europe who have lived together for years and haven't married because they are waiting until they are financially stable before marrying. Their American aunts and uncles are telling them that they should do just the opposite -- marry, and go through the hardships together "like we did." That that's part of what makes a marriage strong. Sounds like you and your wife took the American way, and her family shares my European relatives' view. They need to understand that, from our perspective, you marry "for better or worse, richer or poorer" and take life on, together. So tell them it's a cultural thing!

Good luck to you.

- Response by 8novels, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You have your wife in your corner, don't you? Be glad about that, and for you sanity sake estrange from them... They're just in-laws anyway! Not realy family!

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Political / Government

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Sounds like it is more of a culture thing. All you can do is keep doing what you are doing. And the unemployment is nation wide, not merely CA. Good Luck.

- Response by jsj52006, A Trendsetter, Female, 56-65, Sacramento, Self-Employed

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Just ignore them and concentrate on loving your wife. She is the one you need to make happy.

And, do whatever you gotta do to get the financial stuff squared away. Sounds like you got lucky with this girl, now go build a life with her.

Take whatever job you can find, or move to an area with more job opportunities (such as DC) if you have to. California is a tough place to get by.

But yeah, just do your best to ignore the in-laws and concentrate on loving your girl.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Self-Employed

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I am Canadian married to a philipino woman, believe me....I sympathize!..She is always in a constant state of panic, no matter what is going on. She is very sneeky when it comes to finances,(not hers of course!!)Moody as anyone I have ever seen, 0 - Complete freak-out in 0.2 seconds over nothing. I'm leaning towards chemical inbalance!...Been w/her for 10 yrs. and still cant figure her out.

- Response by bwciii, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Calgary

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