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Do women who don't have children avoid dating men who do?
Dating / 11:53 AM - Friday April 03, 2009

Do women who don't have children avoid dating men who do?

I'm a widower raising two children (pre-teens), and I get the feeling from potential dates that the presence of children in a relationship is a turn-off. I've heard two schools of thoughts on this topic: 1) Women who don't have children really don't want to be involved with a man who has kids full-time, and 2) A man raising kids on his own shows that he is responsible, caring, and a good provider, and in turn would be a great date. See the source of my confusion?

- Asked by Male, 46-55

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i've noticed that women with no kids are a LOT more picky about not dating men with children then men with no kids are about dating women with children.

but, you can always go to the school functions and hit on the single moms with kids.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Not sure, but the opposite is true, when your a 40 year old man with no kids, thats red flag in the dating world.

The very first question I get is why dont you have any kids, like I'm some sort of freak because I didnt impregnate every woman on my block.

- Response by guy506, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Houston, Other Profession

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I get the feeling there should only be one school of thought in your opinion. It depends on the woman. If she has never had children and opted to do so, she might not want to raise children. A man who raises his children responsibly and caring is always a positive. Always be up front from the get go about your teens and then you will know that the women you date don't see it as a hinderance.

- Response by livestolaugh, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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I think that at your age (not much older than me)... the women who are childless are so because they don't want to be a mother. Either because of career choices, or just don't want them....Also, a lot of times they don't want to deal with the baby-mama-drama (which I know isn't your case, & I'm SINCERELY sorry for your loss)
I like kids.... they are never a deal breaker, and in some cases can add to a family, and be a bonus....
The right woman is out there, don't get discouraged.

- Response by nicolegillenwater, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I'm going to give you my personal reason for not wanting to date men with kids, but don't think that this will be reflected off of all women.

I love kids, and truly want to have them one day. However, I had an abortion once in my past (deepest regret of my life) and because of my difficulties in dealing with that, it would be too emotionally hard for me to be around a man who has already started a family before I had the chance to start mine. It would remind me of what I gave up and I can't have that.

So, thats my reasoning but many people are not in the same position as me. I think that if a woman doesn't have kids, it may either be personal preference (not wanting to take part in that aspect of life) or because of never having the chance. Many of them will be able to embrace your kids as their own if you let them :) Good luck.

- Response by heavenonearth27, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Toronto

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The 1st school of thought is plain and simple and it does make sense for a single woman to date a single man as a preference. While, the 2nd school of thought although justified really well except the few last words as it says "and in turn would be a great date"...I don't think this conclusion is consistent with the good traits as a single father. A responsible, caring and a good provider father could also be the worst man as a date. I know because I've been there! ;)

- Response by spiritintheair, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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I have always avoided dating men with children. To me it means that our relationship involves too many other people (the children, the ex) and at this point in my life, that's more than I can handle. It's hard enough trying to date a single guy without kids let alone adding other people and personalities into the picture. I think it's 'wicked stepmum' syndrome. I'd feel the intruder who needs everyone's seal of approval. It's a lot of pressure! However, if I had a clear understanding of the expectations of the relationship and the people involved, I would be more open to it.

- Response by mssassychica, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, London, Executive

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this is going to sound selfish, but i don't care; it's honest.

when i'm w/a man i love, i put him & our r/s first. i would like that reciprocated. this is not possible w/a guy that has kids still at home.

- Response by isotope, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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When I was dating, because I have two sons myself, dating a gentleman with children was the best option for me.

But I will be truthful, trying to date a widower was impossible for me. None of the widowers I dated were ready to date a new lady. They just wanted to find the exact replacement for their deceased spouse. I'm just being brutally honest.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Dating a man with kids means you are always plugged into their established schedule. You will always have an ex wife around. If your relationship becomes serious...you have other people attached to most decisions..... where you want to live...... vacation time etc. I've been through it twice. Great men but both were dads who were over the top with parenting. They both had guilt from their divorce. As a single person, it was ALWAYS annoying. If you are single, avoid men with kids if you can.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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In truth I have a business I own my home, I come and go whenever where ever. I celibate my holidays without someone else telling how to. When a man has kids, and an ex, your life is dictated by someone you didn't even sleep with. You are told what time,when, and where. I don't ask for permission in my life to do anything. I certainly would not be OK with that. When I have to check if it is OK to go to my families at this time but have to leave at that time, or my personal favorite, oh no dinner out tonight cause so and so is having a melt down... that is not appealing to me. I will give a man all my love open my home to him and love him. But I do not want my life and movements controlled by other people. It's a freedom I have become used to at the age of 40. Kids are very self absorbed they need time and attention and it is ALWAYS ALL ABOUT THEM! Well in my world it is always all about me and my lover. So with that said this is just me not reflective on anyone else.

- Response by taniasala68, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55

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In my experience I have dated a few single dads where things went quite smoothly. There was still the ex factor but it could be dealt with because those men knew how to create boundaries. My most recent 2 year realtionship with a single dad of 2 has been awful and as a result I will never date a man with children again. I have two grown children and i am 38 years old. The problem is no boundaries. The first problem was he works out of town and is only home 2 wks every other month so we had no alone time and would have the kids the whole time he was in (no privacy ect.) He would let the 5 year old stay up all hours of the night and when asked to please give her a bedtime so we could have maybe an hour alone before we went to bed at night he didn't do that the ex didn't think she needed a bedtime. The child would still be up at 6am when I got up to get ready for work. I asked for 4 days alone just him and I of those 2 wks he was in and never got them. His kids are misbehaved to the point I thought 5yr old needed to be checked for ADD, while 13yr old did everything she could to break us up every time she could. The ex factor played a huge part in all of this she did everything she could to turn the kids against me and started telling him she would only deal with him about the children (at this point we were engaged) instead of standing up to her and standing up for me the dumb*** does what she wants and starts dealing with her about the kids. So when she called me to get the kids for a few days or pick little susie up from school because she's sick..I didn't do it and he couldn't understand why. Well maybe he should have stood up to her and said this is my future wife and step mother of our children and because I work out of town alot you are going to have to deal with her sometimes about the kids and that doesn't mean you can't call me if you need help with something..as simple as that. Truthfully alot of these ex's are walking around with the single dad's b*lls in their purse and for whatever reason they trust their b*lls with them. I need someone to be in a realtionship with me and to realize i'm not here to date you and your ex.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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The nature angle: Basically a woman wants to find the best provider for her offspring, if a man already has children who are dependent on him his money will be spent on them as opposed to, solely on the future offspring she might have with him.

The way I feel. My boyfriend of 2.5 years has 2 kids, he has asked me to marry him on a number of occasions but I don't want him as a permanent partner as I feel like I want my "own" man, I feel like he will always be his ex's as she has his kids. Plus the financial side also counts too. i want the father of my kids money to go solely on my children.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Birmingham

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The nature angle: Basically a woman wants to find the best provider for her offspring, if a man already has children who are dependent on him his money will be spent on them as opposed to, solely on the future offspring she might have with him.

The way I feel. My boyfriend of 2.5 years has 2 kids, he has asked me to marry him on a number of occasions but I don't want him as a permanent partner as I feel like I want my "own" man, I feel like he will always be his ex's as she has his kids. Plus the financial side also counts too. i want the father of my kids money to go solely on my children.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Birmingham

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