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His ex wife thinks that she is still apart of his family.
Dating / 9:55 AM - Thursday April 02, 2009

His ex wife thinks that she is still apart of his family.

My boyfriend of almost 1 year has been divorced for about 5 years. His ex lives in CA we live elsewhere. Well, his mother's birthday is next month and we were going to fly out to see her. (I've already met her in January while we were on vacation.) But now we find out that his ex wife already bought plane fare to be out there for her ex mother in law's birthday. Granted she used to live in the area and will visit old friends too, but we are now not sure what we should do.We don't want to cause any drama, but we would still like to be there for his mother's birthday. We could always fly out before or after, but we are feeling slighted that she is worming her way back into a family that is no longer hers.

Update: April 03, 2009.
My b/f does have 2 grown sons with his ex. One lives nearby his grandma-my b/f's mom. He (the son) has asked us to come out after the birthday. He cannot stand any possible drama. Not with his dad and myself, but with his mother. She isn't always mentally stable and he cannot deal with her. She is contanstly complaining to her son that she made the wrong choice by leaving his dad, (my b/f). That she isn't happy in her marriage and that at times she wants to end her life... So it isn't a matter of me being the adult and mature, it's out of respect for my b/f's grown son that we will wait to fly out..Thanks to all that responded..

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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sticky situation. its up to his mother to say no to the ex-wife. however, if she is too wishy washy or too insensitive, she'll never tell the ex no. if you try to tell her how to decide you'll become the bad gf.

so, that leaves the situation to you and your bf. you can always be civil and accepting, or hurtful and vengeful. i think the civil part works best. sometimes we have to play the game even when others are being pests. and this is one of those times. your bf can talk to his parents and ask why his mom allows her inappropriate behavior. but you can't ask. i wouldn't even be in on the conversation if i were you.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think you should go. She should not be enough of a reason to miss someone special's birthday!! Just ignore her and show her how well his new family functions with you in it and not her. After-all, I believe you are not even supposed to know she is going to be there. This way you can prepare for it and not find it out there.

- Response by tashad4nc3, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28

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It sounds like you feel anxious and alarmed about the ex being at the birthday party. Could it be the mother in law and ex knew each other long enough to become friends and would truely enjoy seeing each other?
Does divorce mean you have to cut off ALL relationships and friendships?
You risk looking petty and immature if you say one word about this, even to your b/f. Go, look your best, (but not floosy)have a good time, and you'll leave a good impression on his family. :)

- Response by sincerity, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Atlanta

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Save your money if mom would rather spend time with an ex than her son.

- Response by boggob, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Political / Government

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Unfortunately, I think you are stuck. If the ex is invited to the party your only option if you wish to attend is to be polite.

- Response by pastafarian1, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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Well you are all adults here and while this may be a bit odd I don't see why you would reschedule just because the ex will be there. Do they have kids together? If so, then I can see why she might still keep in touch with her ex-inlaws. Hell my ex-husband still calls my mom MOM! I could care less and either could my husband.

Again there should be no drama as long as all you act like adults! This is his mother for goodness sake there should be no reason to cancel it for something so childish.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Does your boyfriend's mom want here there? It is HER birthday, after all. It's no big deal if your boyfriend's mother still likes his ex, as long as she doesn't snub you because you're not the ex.

Does your boyfriend have kids with the ex? If so, I'm afraid you are never going to truly get rid of her. In this day and age, families are much more complicated than they used to be. Unless there is a lot of animosity on either side with your boyfriend and his ex (but it sounds like there is), I see no reason for her to be excluded from the festivities.

Any way you slice it, though, your boyfriend's mother's birthday is not about your boyfriemd, you, or his ex. You two should go and be there for his mom. It won't kill you.

- Response by mandaluv, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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