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My girlfriend of 3 months fails to ever show emotion! How can i get her to show affection for me?
Dating / 11:41 PM - Thursday March 26, 2009

My girlfriend of 3 months fails to ever show emotion! How can i get her to show affection for me?

I have been with my current girlfriend for about 3 months now, i really like this girl, and i can kinda tell she likes me too, however she never openly shows it. When we were first dating she would kiss me passionately and was eager to spend time with me, upset when she couldn't.

Now it seems like she has lost of passion in the relationship, yet she expects me to continue to show affection and attention to her. She NEVER kisses me like she used to, never tells me how or what shes feeling, she lives with her parents (shes 19, im 22) and still won't tell them about me, we slept together after about a month, did so for about a month, but for the past 4 weeks she hasnt shown any sign of attraction or the want to get back in bed with me.

Everytime she comes over at night we will watch tv or a movie after dinner to which she will fall asleep, unable to wake her up no matter how hard i try. She will wake up at about 2-3am and rush out of the apartment home.

Im a sappy guy who shows emotion, and if im falling in love with a girl i would show her the attention she needs, am i wrong in doing so, how should i act? I just want her to show me she cares about me, and that she wants to be with me! The wierd thing is she says she does care about me and i make her happy, but she cannot express it to me.

Any ideas on how i should proceed?

- Asked by geoffs87, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Student

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Something seems seriously wrong here. You did maybe move along pretty fast sleeping together after a month, and I could understand if she was saying she just wanted to back off and slow things down a little, but it sound like you've given her plenty of chances to say that and she hasn't. Maybe she has a really hard time being intimate or doesn't have much of a sex drive, but if that's the case it sound like you two aren't very compatible to me. Maybe she "was putting out" early on to "catch you". In that case, do you really want to have this kind of relationship? Or, maybe, most likely, she's decided she's not really that into you, but you're a convenient place to go to get out of the house and you seem to tolerate, even cater to her. Sounds to me like you are getting used somehow.

- Response by twotwenty, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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Wow, where to start with this one? Man, you're in a rowboat for 2 people, and you're the only one rowing. She is just NOT interested any more. Right now, I hate to say it, you're just a surrogate boyfriend. She's hanging around with you until the real thing comes along.
She may care about you, but trust me, women can express things when they really want to. She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
You have been way too easy for her, and she's bored. You have showed way too much emotion, and done everything for her, and she has done basically nothing for you.
I don't know if this can be saved. I would say back way off, and quit talking about your feelings, and see if she makes any kind of move toward you. It may be too far gone, but I wish you luck.


- Response by awsum1, A Life of the Party, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago

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Everybody is born with a free will. With that being said, you cannot make somebody feel or do something. In this is situation, all you can do is be yourself. If she likes you, she likes you. If she doesn't, well, she doesn't. However don't just assume the later of the two. Tell your girlfriend how her actions/words make you feel. Say something like: it hurts me when we don't kiss like we used to. Don't use words that place blame on her; instead used phrases directed at yourself (better communication). And in the end, if she says she likes you, find ways to show affection that are mutually acceptable. However, if she does not like you, you will have to learn to accept it and move on with my condolences. Best of luck!

- Response by lifeisadance, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Student

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you can't change who she is. I am not a sappy girl. I never will be. does not mean I dont feel things but everyone is different.. she is who she is, you need to be able to accept that for her things come out differently.. Not every one wants to have long romantic discussions about the relationship. As far as how you need to act.. be yourself, thats all you can do and she should be allowed to be who she is.. in time you will figure out if it works for the both of you.

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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Since you really have NOTHING to lose here, I would tell her exactly what and how you have told us. I mean it. I would literally tell her, using the same words you have used in your post.

Then, I would give her a reasonable period of time to show a change and if you did not see something, rather quickly, I would make some serious decisions.

If after ONLY three months she has morphed to this radical degree, what might she be like in another three months? And, another?

This wouldn't sound desireable to anyone. I promise you. And, if you are a person, like most of us, that really need and appreciate the sharing of emotions, this is not an OPTION; it is a NECESSITY.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

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SHe is guarding her emotions....either she is wanting to take things slow, has been hurt, or is not sure about something.....

Be patient, don't push---you may drive her away or into more silence.

She may not be a sugary girl, or perhaps she wants to be sure of herself (not necessarily YOU) before she exposes herself completely.

- Response by iowaczechartist, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You can't change her. Believe me almost all women wish more men were like you so it won't be hard to replace her with a girl who will be so happy to have a guy who shows her affection and she'll gladly return it.

- Response by laprincipessa, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Pittsburgh, Other Profession

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Some people are emotionless,, they frighten me

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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No advice.

I just wanted to say that I am so grateful that there are men like you out there.

You are an original...don't change for anyone.

There is someone for you out there and it will be a love sooo good it will curl your toes!!

- Response by iamathinker, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Dallas

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You should tell her exactly what you wrote here. If she doesn't seem to wan to show love then it sems to be a dead end deal here.

- Response by tribute, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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My friend, i have been there and got the T shirt. I almost took it personel too. I have read all the other comments and i dont think they are even close. You want to know what i think?
I think she was never shown any or not much effection when she was younger by her parents,,what you got to remember is some people can get over that but some cant, so when it comes time for them to show emotion in adult hood they find it extremely difficult. try tactfully bringing it up, talk about that with her and see what she has to say.

- Response by instinct1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, London

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Dude?????

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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