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How can I get a man to want marry me, what's the secret?
Dating / 7:23 PM - Thursday March 26, 2009

How can I get a man to want marry me, what's the secret?

We've been talking,seeing each other for 2 years. He still tells me he doesn't want a relationship

- Asked by Female, 46-55

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The secret here sweetheart is 'he does not want a relationship.' He only wants you for dessert. I know at your age and mine this is heart break. We put so much effort and time into finding out about the other person, only to find out they want to stay free and not commit.

- Response by sisterwoman, A Career Woman, Female, 66 or older, Medical / Dental

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First let me disabuse you of a notion that you can "get" anyone to do anything they do not want to do. Clearly he has not invested the emotions you have. Clearly he is not going to. You don't "make" someone want to marry you. You make YOURSELF into a person someone might want to marry.

Second, He was completely upfront. He TOLD you he doesn't want a relationship. He couldn't be more honest than that. Why didn't you believe him? This is NOT the man you want to spend your life with because he doesn't want to spend his with you.

My advice is: Walk away. Write off those two years and start over. It is not going to happen with this guy. If you somehow DID manage to coerce him to the altar he would certainly resent you for it and would be more than capable of making your life miserable.

I'm sorry, but it's time to move one.

- Response by dannyjane, A Creative, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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If you can't get him to commit to a relationship after 2 years, your chances at him marrying you aren't very good... sorry

- Response by destinyseeker, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Give him the big A, bet you are giving him dessert.

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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So, stop wasting your time then. If he's not ready after 2 years, odds are he never will be. He's not the right guy for you, but the right guy IS out there somewhere. Move on and go find him.

- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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1) You HAVE a relationship, but it's not progressing in the direction you want it to have or as close as you want it to be.
2) Marriage is a two-way street. As much as the Libbers want to talk about female empowerment and all that, marriage is STILL male-centric. If he isn't lonely enough to want more of your company, you need to either find a need in his life to fulfill OR move on to someone who wants what you have to offer.

I can honestly say that I've never met a happily married couple where she "tricked" him into marrying her. When she wanted to be married but he didn't, the result was always a non-marriage. Sometimes it was immediate, other times it was divorce down the line. However, if he wanted to be married to her and she didn't, often he was able to turn her heart to love him and accept marriage from his patience and "true love".

My advise, as unpleasant as it is, is find someone else to marry but stay friends with this one.

- Response by tesfalcon, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Transportation

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No secret.

You two are going through the motions and you are crazy to think he's just gonna have some kind of epiphany and propose to you. You're around, he's around.... two more years will pass.

Tell him what you expect of him for this to continue. If he doesn't agree, leave him for someone who WILL respect your wishes!

- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Technical

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Well you can pray about it.That helps.
I think this man is just gun shy about marriage and he is scared of it for some reason.Alot of men are.If you really want him and no one else,You can hang in there and wait it out til he is ready.Its a risk to keep waiting..but if it is just marriege you want go find someone who is ready for that..if it is only him you want to be with and no one may have to wait it out and dont pressure him about it.You'll have to show him your youd make a good wife.He may say he doesn't want a relationship but he is in one and he knows it.He just says that because it helps with his fear.Its not that he doesnt ever want to be married im sure maybe it's just not right now he wants that,not the right time.It's tough to keep waiting n hang in there with this guy im sure...but anything worth having will be worth the wait.I wish you the best and that God will give you the desires of your heart.

- Response by A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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That is a clear message. He is telling you TO YOUR FACE that you are only someone he is dealing with on an interim basis because you are convenient - bed warmer, companionship, laughs. But he is also telling you he doesn't want a relationship WITH YOU. Doesn't mean he won't want one, but he is telling you that you are not the one he would consider having it with for whatever reason he has.

Best to move on immediately. Like right this second.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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My current guy wants to marry me and we've only been together for four months.

My last long term relationship wanted to marry me and I had to drop him because he got whiny.

What's my secret? I just don't particularly want to get married. I'm serious--people want people who aren't trying to "catch" other people. Just find yourself someone you're truly compatible with and be independent and happy. The rest will follow.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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You can't get anyone to do anything they don't want to do and you should not waste your time trying. Even in the unlikely event that you were able to persuade someone to do something they don't want to do - think of how miserable you both would be then. He would feel trapped and you would feel guily and even worse than I assume you do already. No one wins in a situation like that. He has communicated to you that he does not want a relationship but has remained in a position of seeing you for 2 years - telling you all the while that he does not want a relationship. It sounds like he is content to leave it like it is. If what you want is a relationship - this is not the person who you will find it with and you are better to save your time and precious energies on someone who will return your feelings and share them with JOY. Best of luck to you.

- Response by agilebutterfly, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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Hmmm, that's a hint. Do I need to say more? Now, really!!! Ok, here it goes. He Does Want To Marry You. Now, move on, and stop wasting his and your time.

A close friend of my grandmother was with a man for over 45 years. During that time, he NEVER proposed or really did anything for her. But she stuck around him, and stayed with him for some time. Then she moved away to another city, but came back to our area to see him. It was the strangest thing that I ever encountered. She thought of him as her boyfriend, but he never thought of her as nothing more than an friend with benefits. Is that what you want for your life???

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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I am going to answer this question a little differently than most of the others who responded already. Most said something like leave him because he is not worth it and doesn't want a relationship.

I just wanted to point out that regardless of what he says about relationships, you two are already in a relationship. I don't know you situation and I could be wrong but I'm guessing that he has been monogamous for those 2 years or else you would have broken up with him. Now since you are asking about marriage I am guessing you are happy in your 'relationship' right? So why would you leave something that makes you happy? Others advised you to leave the guy you are happy with in order to find someone who wants to marry you. Well that means breaking up with the guy you are happy with in hopes that the next guy you meet will make you as happy and also want to get married.

Is it a diamond ring you want, a title, a tax break? My point is if you are happy then why force something on him that he isn't sure about? Ask yourself what it is you really want and then talk to him about it. Do you want to live together or spend more time together? Tell him that. Do you want a diamond ring - maybe he'll buy you one. I guess I just don't get the reasoning behind a legal marriage certificate anymore. Is it an assurance that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? Well, for all you married people out there, I'm sorry to say but marriage gives you a false sense of security. If someone is committed, then they are committed regardless of a wedding band. Just my 2 cents.

- Response by chal08, A Rebel, Male, 29-35

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I think the secret is to stop wasting your time on men who "doesn't want a relationship". There are plenty of god men out there who DO want soemthing more serious. Only date those. After two years a man in your age group should have made an attempt to take things to the next level. At least he should have asked you to be his exclusive girlfriend and maybe even discussed possibly moving it together or engagement. I don't think you want the same things. Time to move on if you want marriage!

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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The answer is be the kind of woman that he would want to marry. How do you know if you're that kind? Ask him? You've been together for 2 years, or "seeing each other" whatever that means. If you cannot ask a straight forward question by now, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. If he hasn't asked you by now, chances are, he won't in the future. I mean, what do you think that would make him motivatated enough in the future? Men are linear creatures for the most part. There's usually a place that they want to go or be, and they broadcast that louder than anything that they say or do. For example, if a man wants to climb a mountain, he'll tell everybody who would listen that he wants to climb that mountain. In the same vein, a man that wants to be with a woman for the rest of his life, he would move mountains to be with her and make sure that nobody else gets the opportunity. You know the saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk free, holds true in your case, I believe. There's no downside of your "relationship" now. He's already benefiting from your gifts, why should he want to mess up a good thing? Just one man's opinion.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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Ahhh, I would have him make a decision already. How many others does he see? And Is this okay with you? You have to decide how serious you want to be with this guy and if he's in it for the long haul, but it sound like you are and he is not.
You need to seriously see other guys, even if you have to make yourself do so. Show him (if it's the only way) that you're DONE WAITING AROUND.
Don't just wait around on him. He'll sense it. He'll think you are putty in his hands and he can treat you any way no matter what. YOu have to stand for something and not fall for anything.
OR you can ask him to marry you. See where it goes. If the answer from him is no, there's your answer.
If it's yes, then plan a wedding and hope he shows up. I'm sorry. It just doesn't sound good to me, either that, or I need more information.

- Response by thequeen, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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You need to ask yourself some questions. Are you ready to settle down and start a family (if you don't already have kids). Is marriage more for convenience or are you truly ready for that type of commitment. Now if you have answered yes to the majority of these questions are you willing to compromise your beliefs and feelings just to hold on to someone that isn't on the same page as you. I know a female that has been in a relationship for the last 7 years with the same guy. They have been on and off at least twice. They live together. She has brought up marriage but he gives her some line and she accepts it. I like this woman and we were close in high school but honestly she's not the brightest bulb and shes a tad naive. I can tell you right now that if her man hasn't even proposed at this point he is not gonna marry her and I'm willing to take cash money on this fact. I hate to break it to you but you can't force any man to want to marry you. There are no tricks of the trade to make any man get down on one knee. If he isn't ready he isn't ready. And like I said if you are at this point in your life you cant expect to keep waiting for him to ask you or change his mind.

- Response by CalmFanatic, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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- Response by tnj22, A Couch Potato, Male, 66 or older, Phoenix, Self-Employed

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It's relatively simple...want marriage from someone who is ready to commit and get married...want marriage from someone who feels the way you do about commitment and marriage...IN ALL seriousness, contact me at xxxxxxxxxx and I will show you someone who would marry you RIGHT AWAY, without any regret....that person would be me. Want to get married to a good guy...Here I am.

- Response by funnyman4you, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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Hit the lottery.

I'm sure that will convince him.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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get a different guy.

- Response by ready4sumfun, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Why do you want to marry someone who doesn`t even want to have a relationship with you?
Ditch him and find out why you want what you can`t have or why do you like relationships that make you feel bad :)

- Response by scandia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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If you have slept together tell him your pregnant might work depends how he was raised though

- Response by motherof12006, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You should consult the Hot 10 today. There's a list of 5 things to nail your man...

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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