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My boyfriend would rather spend time with his friends than with me! Please help!
Dating / 11:53 AM - Thursday March 19, 2009

My boyfriend would rather spend time with his friends than with me! Please help!

So, here is the deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 18 months now. He moved across the country about 5-6 months ago so we've been doing the long distance relationship since then. It seems to work because we both love each other. The thing that bothers me is that when he comes to visit for a week, he stays at my place, and all i hear about are his guy friends. Last time he was here for 10 days and we hung out (just the two of us) probably for like 2 days. And even when we do spend time together he talks to them on the phone they talk about their plans for the day after...It is hard enough to be apart for 1-2 month in a row. When he is away he is all sweet and tells me that I am the only one who stayed by his side out of everyone he knew, and how thankful he is. But when he is back he just seems to forget all that they do not even pick up the phone when he calls or do not even bother asking how he is doing...
I think you kind of get the point. I didn't say anything to him yet, because i didnt want to ruin his "vacation" here. But what should i do or think of this? I am really confused. I am really on the edge of just breaking up because it bothers me to much and I do not want to be stressed and unhappy about this over and over again. Also, i do not want to sound like a crazy gf that complains to much...Please help me i do not know what to do!

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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That was very smart of you to not bring it up during his vacation and you do not sound like a complaining girlfriend.

He's still in bachelor mode, and there's not too much wrong with that unless he is unfaithful which it doesn't seem like it from what you've mentioned.

He is definitely a social person which is a plus in a relationship but sounds more like a thorn in your side because you are currently in a long distance relationship.

My advice: DO NOT bring this up over the phone or email (I wounldn't bring it up at all actually). But what I would bring up is the that you would like to plan out his next visit. Make plans so that you and he are together at least 5 or 6 days of his vacation.

Of course, include him in deciding what you would both enjoy.

The goal: Nurture your relationship with your man without making him feel like he has to sacrifice his friendships and other freedoms just to be with you.

Good luck.

- Response by iamathinker, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Dallas

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Ahh yes... I know this feeling well. What I do is establish a "date" plan when he is in town, and ask him to play with me at these times. He plays golf with his high school buddies, plays cards with his college buddies and works out every day. So when he is in town, I am really having to fit into his routine. I accept that, but he needs to remember that I am expecting some of his time too. So I make a date plan, and he happily joins me.

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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I had a boyfriend that was similar to yours before. He was always hanging with his friends and I respected his time with them. But then they started to interfere with my time with him and it was really annoying. I actually stayed with him for four years but enough was enough. I think every girl deserves attention from there man so just mention it next time his friends interrupt your time. Just introduce it lightly and say "Hun, it's great that you and your friends are so close but I barely have time with you. Can this just be our moment?" Just be assertive, if he accuses of being clingy or gets defensive then its definitely not worth it.

- Response by xjadedlove, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28

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