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Is it wrong to feel gross after sex with your husband?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:03 AM - Monday March 16, 2009

Is it wrong to feel gross after sex with your husband?

My husband and I have been having a few issues, I'm pretty sure he's addicted to porn and for awhile he would have rather looked at porn than been intimate with me but I've recently lost almost all but 6 lbs of my post baby weight and I'm starting to get my confidence back which is leading me away from wanting sex from him as often as I used to because I was more times than less turned down because he was "too tired" that night. Well we went out on Saturday night and for the first time in a long time he couldn't keep his hands off me which a few months ago I would have been thrilled about but not so much this night. We finally got home and one thing led to another and we ended up being intimate which was the first time in about a month and a half, the sex was great and I enjoyed it for the first time in awhile but when we were done I felt disgusting. I took an extra long shower and ended up going to bed right after. I love my husband and I hate that I felt this way. What's wrong with me?

- Asked by avaadorn, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Dallas

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As much as everyone tries to tell you porn is normal it is not. It has ruined many relationships and hurt many pocketbooks. If he is addicted to porn then there lies your problem. Only he can stop you can't make him. Nothing is wrong with you, he has the issue and you need to air it out and talk about it, let him know it bothers you and see what his response is. Good luck.

- Response by mallowcup, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Your heart telling me you dont love him. Your mind telling you do love him. But your actions don't show it. You feel used, he didn't care about you before. So he wasn't loving you for you. He would rather watch porn than do anything with you. Your Marriage vow says to love for better or worse. You where worse to him 6 pounds more. He wasn't be true to you. He was never tired you found out he lied and the really reason you where turn down was because of the extra weight. You got sex after a month and half with your husband but than you found out it wasn't really worth it. You know how you can prove it is by putting the almost 6 pounds back on you. You know if you put weight back on you he say he to tired to have sex. Its all been based on a lie and you feel hurt.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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i think the porn stuffs,gettin to you,theres nothing wrong with you,have you tryed new things to keep it fun ?

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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sounds like you are not in love with him, don't respect him, and are just grossed out by him. until he gets his addiction under control, you'll probably still feel this way. i suggest concelling for both of you. if he won't go, go alone.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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is your weight loss getting you to think your to good for him now? I would think hard about this. I am not sure I really see where the porn thing has anything to do with the being grossed out thing. It seems to be two seperate but very real issues.

- Response by givemeatry99, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Philadelphia, Science / Engineering

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I dont think its the porn reason. I am sure it didn't help. But there more to it than that. Just saying I think I might of missed the first part and I am sorry about that. Even if he wasnt you still feel grossed out.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Anyone that tells you it's not the porn are full of crap. They have no clue until they lived it themselves. It is very damaging to ones self esteem knowing the one you love would rather jack of to another woman online naked then be making love to you.

When they do finally decide to touch you, you feel ugly and cheap and not desired because you feel you can't compare to the woman online....add that on top of gaining weight and there you go......the marital bed is no longer sacred.

If I were you, I would talk to him about it and explain to him how your feeling. Communication goes a long way especially if your talking to someone that loves you. Ask him to give up the porn and tell him why. If he make out like your being ridiculous, do an internet search on "porn addiction and relationships" that should open his eyes.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55

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Basically, it sounds like you are not feeling romanced. Clearly you are conflicted about the sex, the weight, and the porn. I'd likely recommend you two do some marriage work (retreat, group counseling etc.) to try to reignite the passion. As a guy, I'll admit that after the baby and after a month and half, I'd likely be going CRAZY with sexual desire.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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It sounds like you feel "gross" after sex with your hubby because in the past before you lost your baby weight he didn't seem as in to you as you said he was "too tired". Now that you feel more confident and beautiful and he has shown you more sexual interest, it is understandable why you would feel gross after sex, he showed an interest in you based on how you look and that can make any woman feel "used" regardless of marital status. This being said you have been feeling rejected by him in the past and when you felt less attractive in the past it was easy to take that rejection to heart because you probably felt insecure of yourself. I have been through the same thing having had a baby 16 months ago and now I feel sexy and beautiful and my husband has been all over me and I sometimes cannot get an orgasm if I don't feel he wanted me before for who I was...this is a hard transition time for both of you as new parents. Men have different ways of expressing their feelings and sometimes they "reject" their wives because they can't express how they are feeling about the "new you". My suggestion is to be honest with him and let him know how much you love him but something does need to be said, otherwise you are carrying that inside which will affect how you inwardly and outwardly relate to your husband. I wish the best for you.

- Response by bjoyful27, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Dallas, Home Maker

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