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When a girl tells you that she's not ready for a relationship do they actually mean that?
Sex & Intimacy / 12:52 AM - Tuesday March 10, 2009

When a girl tells you that she's not ready for a relationship do they actually mean that?

I've been single now for a while and nothing I seem to do works out. The last two girls who I have really been interested in, I had an amazing connection with them, we have a great time, everything seems to be going good and then they tell me they're not ready for a relationship. The one I can actually believe because up until December she was engaged and that relationship ended so I can believe that maybe she's not ready to put herself out there again...but the other one, I really feel like she's just messing with me and doesn't actually wanna be with me...actually one of my friends dated her about two months ago, he doesn't know me and her have been talkin so he assumes it's still alright to tell me stuff about her and from what he says, this weekend they had a little rendevous...she denies it but i've been friends with him a lot longer than i've known her and honestly i trust him more and like i said he doesn't know i had been talkin to her so he's not at fault here, i can't exactly jump down his throat for that but...really i don't wanna believe that she's just playin me but at this point i've been waitin on her to be "ready for a relationship" longer than i probably should've but I'm just havin no luck. Anybody got any advice for, well for any of that?

- Asked by georgenelsonnotbabyface, A Hip Hop Guy, Male, 22-25

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give up the ship my lad as she is only taken advantage of you and should be aware that there are a lot of women out there that love to play with a males affections...i am 55 and have been around awhile and know this to be a fact. one of my exes keeps finding the same kind and have been used and abused horribly and these women who do this to men will never be a friend of mine. they make it awfully hard for us single women that are honest and true and can't find a mate for the reason that these women make men think that we are all alike but that's not the case. dump her, honey. it's not so bad being alone. i know this because i've been in this boat for a year and i do okay...good luck...

- Response by scraggy, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Toronto, Construction

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When someone says something and acts differently, believe what they do. When someone says something and does what they've been saying believe them. If she is verbalizing that she's not ready, she's definitely not ready. She's just playing with you, give her some space or leave her alone.

- Response by kelico, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New Orleans, Administrative

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It means what it says... take it for face value.

What I suggest is you find someone else to spend your time with, because she seems like she's tagging you along until a bigger, better offer comes along. And she'll scatter faster than roaches when you turn on the lights.

Seriously, something similar happened with my now girlfriend. I wanted to be with her at first and the feeling wasn't mutual at first. So instead of spending so much time with her like I was at first, I began testing other waters. I still was friends with her but she no longer was a top priority. I gave her space to figure out if she wanted me or not...... and soon enough, the conversation came back up about where we stood. I had enough friends occupying my time to the point it wouldn't kill me if she didn't come back into the picture. But she was ready to date me exclusively..... and the rest is history being written as I type this.

- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Technical

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No. Plain and simple, if a girl REALLY wants to be with you, she'd be willing to at least give it a try. Unless she just got out of a really bad relationship, she just doesn't see you as more than a friend but doesn't know how else to tell you without hurting your feelings. Ask her in a polite, genuine, and caring manner why she isn't ready to be in a relationship. If it sounds like bullshit, move on. She's working too much, she's too busy, etc is all bullshit. But if she gives you something genuine like I just got out of a relationship with a guy I'd been dating for 2 years.... Then she probably really likes you but is too scared it won't work out just like the last relationship she was in.

Fyi, this girl you're seeing. She doesn't like you enough to be in a serious relationship with you. Move on. She isn't going to be ready until you're all she has left. She is using you. She's a player. Be happy that you're finding this out before being in a relationship with her. Not all guys, or even people for that matter, are so lucky.

But hey, you're young. Don't expect to find Mrs. Wifey just yet. You'll meet the right girl, it'll come to you. Don't try soo hard. :D

- Response by A Player, Female, 22-25, Los Angeles

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Move on brother! I spent several long months chasing this single girl. She was friendly and we had a great time talking and even had things in common but when I tried to get a date she came with that "I'm not ready" BS! I finally wised up and cut ties with her cause at the same time she was telling me this nonsense she was chatting up dudes online. I was around her when this one dude called her, she just about slid off her chair while she talked to him, if ya know what I mean. And he was on the other side of the planet and I was right there. Yet she's not ready to date. Now do you think if dude was living here she would have told him that? I don't! I know it sucks but pee on the fire and call in the dogs. Nothing good is going on with that girl. Warn your buddy about her too!

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Sacramento, Managerial

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