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My 36 year boyfriend lives with his mom, I am jealous of the time he spends at home with her.
Dating / 3:01 PM - Monday March 02, 2009

My 36 year boyfriend lives with his mom, I am jealous of the time he spends at home with her.

He has been living with her a few years since a breakup with his last girlfriend. We have been dating for a year now. I have a house and 4 kids and I would like him to move in with me. I am not looking for monetary support. I want him to be more than just a weekend/late evening boyfriend. His mom still cooks him dinner during the week. I want to be the one taking care of him and who he comes home to after work. I am starting to be very resentful and I start crying everytime he leaves. He says eventually we will live together but it may not be for a long time. I feel like he is choosing to stay with her over me.I don't know how much longer I can do this.

- Asked by kandy888, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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this makes no sense to me.. with all due respect unless his mother is sick (which it does not sound like) you want to be with a Mommas boy? This guy is too old to be living with mommy, he needs to cut the cord and man up.. and he says you will be together.. DONT hold your breath, he is not required to take responsibility at his moms..he is not going to move in with a woman who has four kids, if he is being catered too by someone else.. this appears to be going nowhere...

HE is SHOWING YOu he is not going to move in and this "long time" is his way of leading you on.. stop wasting time on this loser

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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HUH? change of plans...get a BF who can take care of himself! lives w/ his cooks him meals...WTF!

- Response by jackstraw, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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"I am starting to be very resentful and I start crying everytime he leaves."

Good grief, honey -- would you want to see another person when this is their reaction to you??????

Keep this up and you'll find yourself never seeing him. No wonder he prefers it at his Mommy's. Bet his Mommy doesn't act resentful and crying every time she sees him -- ijs.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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You'll never be able to compete with his mom so don't try to...You'll lose.

Allow him the time to warm up to the idea of being with you and your 4 kids, it's a lot to take on... If it's good between you it'll happen but you need to keep it together and be patient... Good Luck!

- Response by destinyseeker, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Oh my... its time for an ultimatum. Looks like your man doesn't want to step up to the plate, and with four kids; you need someone who can. Although I despise ultimatums- he is not going to willingly leave mommy's house. Give him one shot, and then sever the ties, one year is more than enough time to know if you're getting involved for the long haul. My honest opinion? Not gonna change and you're just going to lose time with this one- Peter Pan is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

- Response by brvhart001, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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the relationship with his mother is historical and deeply embedded. the relationship with you is neither of those things. your house has four children that compete for your time and attention. inn his mothers house, he's the child.

this will not end peacefully unless you resolve yourself to certain of the fundamental realities that are in place. if you cannot accept those fundamentals, then you might as well move on now, because he's NOT leaving his mother.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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I think you need to tell him to grow up or grown down even further. What I'm saying is to tell him to be an adult or a child. The choice is his. If he chooses to remain at home with his mom. Tell him he's history and that you don't have time for children.

- Response by anotherheartbreakinthemakes, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, New Orleans, Who Cares?

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Sorry Sweetie, I have (3) kids at home right now and I would not want to move in with you

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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You are kidding aren't you? Is this what you want out of a relationship? Are you happy? If not, you need to stop doing what you're doing. Stop accpeting the scraps. It amazes me that you can be in a relationship with this grown ass man and seemingly have no idea what he wants. Have you even asked him why he doesn't want to live with you? I'm being a little hard on you because you owe it to yourself and your kids to find out the real reason and make your decision based on that. Don't settle for less.

Some couples make the decision not to live together. That's great if it's what you BOTH want. But if it's not then you are simply living a life half lived, hoping that if you hang around long enough he will change his mind. If he doesn't want to share his life with you and your kids that's his decision. You can't really change that. While I can't tell you what to do only you can make that decision. You know exactly what you must do. You do have options.......... use them before they use you.

- Response by giltazell, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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His Mother is proberbly doing his washing accasionally as well as cooking meals for him as Mothers do when there kids are at home . Its a natural thing. U would do this for your kids if they were at home in later years.
You s/o can leave and return to Mothers anytime he likes with no questions asked. He does his own thing and he does do this. He also has u as a sex buddy on weekends and late at nights,
He has it good at Mothers and is proberbly paying very little for his board at home also.
If his Mother is in good health and there is no other reason as to why he is still staying at Mothers. Ask him to set a date or month when he will move out. (Let him set this date.) If he cannot do that ask him why?
Ask him what is holding him back from moving forward living with u and the kids.
His answers will give u an idea of your real relationship.
All the best. .. Let us know how u both get on .

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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Your 36 year boyfriend lives with his mom and your jealous??? I think you both have serious problems.

- Response by dambreaker, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Retired

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It must be the mother in you forcing yourself on this man.
Why do you want a man that has been living with his mom for the past few years cuz of a breakup (!), to move in with you and your 4 kids, rent free since you dont want the monetary support?
Have you ever thought that your weekend/late evenings only boyyfriend (both times that I suspect the kids are sleeping are out with there father) doesn't want to live the family life? Obviously this man is used to being the kid and not the parent and is perfectly happy with the situation, you at nights and weekends and his mom the rest of the time.

- Response by misssparkle, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Atlanta, Administrative

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OK well to me it sounds like you want to be a mother to him, you said take care of him. a man doesn't want some to care for him thats why he has mommy. it could lso be that you have kids and he doesn't so he might not be ready. I really hope you don't cry in front of him when he leaves too cuz then shows your clingly and emotional , all the trates a man could never have or understand LOL!

- Response by ctrevino, A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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He has every right to live with his natural parent. Moving in is a big step. Are you sure that you're not moving too fast? Is it because you need help with your bills? If so, seek some social assistance programs before you rely on a man. Once someone moves in, if he turns out to be mr. wrong, it's going to be tough to get him out of your space.

- Response by anonymousbird10, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Philadelphia

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- Response by anonymousbird10, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Philadelphia

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Call the electric co., pretend you're her, and then tell them you're moving. That should get him to your dinner table at least once or twice, eh?

- Response by joeblow1234, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Whitehorse, Artist / Musician / Writer

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