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How do you deal with a drama-queen sister?
Dating / 12:19 AM - Monday March 02, 2009

How do you deal with a drama-queen sister?

I have a sister who is older than me. She recently went through a divorce, but over the course of her whole life everything is always about HER... She got married. She nearly left. She cheated. She stayed. She had a baby. All the big events to get everyone's attention and talk about. Drama throughout the whole marriage. Always had to discuss in great detail... She left him for another man. In love like no one else has ever been before. She has left him four times. The last time she said was for good... Now she's "talking" to him again. I give her advice and she loves to talk and talk and talk about her trouble and then she turns around goes back to him or does the exact opposite. And then she wants to talk about how "awesome" her relationship is and how he is her best friend and she can't imagine how anyone else in the world could be this in love. And how she's going to marry him. I am so freaking tired of discussing everything to death, but I am her sister and I love her. I have told her I am tired of hearing all the drama and asked her to please make a decision one way or the other. It's like she's deaf. I know I'm venting, but does anyone else have anyone in their life like this and how do you deal with them? It's very annoying and very, very draining.

Update: March 02, 2009.
Thanks to everyone who responded! I obviously can't and am not willing to cut her out of my life as she is my sister, but I do agree I should not allow her to engage me in it so much... I will always be available to talk for hours about the latest drama... as it feeds her unsatiable need for attention... I have been adding to it perhaps by being there a little too much...

- Asked by abbybelle, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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You should thank God it's her problem and not yours.

- Response by jojospice, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Political / Government

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I'd tell her to grow up and leave the drama in her teens where it belongs. Tell her you want a sister not a soap opera star. Really, if you don't say anything and just keep it in, she'll always do this to you and you'll get to a point where you're fed up and maybe say things you don't want to. Save your sisterhood before you lose your cool.

- Response by bayshoregirl, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, New York, Retired

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Some people are just selfish. I have several such people in my life. And I, too, wonder why I don't cut them off. Frankly, these days I'm just trying to focus on myself. When those people start to bitch, I suddenly "have to go."

A friend of mine also said: you choose your friends, but your family is in the stars.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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You just let her put on her show. trust me there is no dealing with it. i know your feeling i grew up with cousins and my cousin is exactly the same way. we all grew up with our aunt and when my aunt died, she read the eulogy at the end she pretended to faint so not even my aunts funeral was her own. i mean its always drama with this girl and i really feel sorry for her so i just let her do her thing. so you can do what i do just relax and enjoy the show. in some ways you should be thrilled you have your own personal broadway show most people have to pay for that right.

- Response by candygirl2178, A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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Yes, I have known people like that and the only way to avoid listening to them is to refuse to listen! Walk away and tell them why......because you don't want to listen to the drama anymore. Good luck! :)

- Response by scrapper1941, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Well, you can't let her suck you dry with her endless enormous sagas and traumas. She probably won't change. She is her own universe. All you can do is set limits for yourself by cutting her short and keeping your distance when she starts to get on your nerves. If she values your relationship she will eventually get the hint that you also have a life which you value as much as she does hers.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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The best way to deal with drama queens is to not give in to the drama. Ignore her screams for attention, and deprive her of her goal of drawing those around her into her orchestrated dance for attention.
She may raise the stakes at first to pull you in, but after realizing you are not feeding her desires, she will stop focusing on you, or trying to draw you in, and focus on those that give her the attention she craves.

- Response by wolverinesegg, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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When she starts by saying, "you know what?," I would kind of chuckle and then start with her by saying, "No I don't know what, but I figure we're about to go for another round of endurance tests. What kind of new drama do you have for me today Sis?"

She may keep on with the blah, blah, blah, but at least before every me, me, me session, you're planting the seed that she's REALLY wearing you out. It may also help her to realize she's wearing other people out too.

Maybe you've already tried this, but I'm throwing my 2-cents out there anyway.

- Response by 88hotkeys, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Charlotte, Science / Engineering

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Stop her in mid sentence and tell her you don't want to hear any more of her dramatic life. If's her life and she will have to deal with it as best she can from now on. You don't have to listento this just because she is your sister. When you start telling her about your life, she will find someone else to talk to.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Some people are simply prone to drama and incite, cause, prolong, and invite it through their own actions. Since this is your sister and you can't get away from her, I advise that you not waste breath or energy trying to change who she is. Avoid getting sucked in to her life or being dragged into prolonged discussions or debates about how she should handle her latest drama, because there will always be drama. The best thing to do is politely offer your opinion when asked, preferably in a bland enough way that she doesn't feel interested in spilling all the details for 45 minutes. The only time you should insert yourself to give detailed counsel or get involved in her drama is if you feel it is a serious enough situation where her long term emotional, financial etc well-being is at stake.

- Response by funkymustafa, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Boston, Military

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The worst is when she plays the agressor/victim game. In this game, she'll do something really thoughtless or hurtful to you, then when you get angry, she gets to be the victim. She has to get to know you to find your weak spots, so that she can inflict the pain, then act innocent and fragile when you respond. Very frustrating game. When she's not doing that, she's regaling you with her suffering and venting to you about all the people she's become a victim to. You are included in her list of aggressors when she talks to other people. All I can say is it's all about boundaries. Find yours and let her know where they begin and end.

- Response by moonmar2010, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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