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My boyfriend is constantly horny and wanting action. However I rarely feel horny and want sex.
Sex & Intimacy / 11:56 AM - Saturday February 21, 2009

My boyfriend is constantly horny and wanting action. However I rarely feel horny and want sex.

He asks if we can have sex. I do not find that as a turn on I tell him not to ask and just start it and that would get me in the mood, but he doesn't try that. I just never feel like having sex and I am not horny to often. He is always horny and I feel like I am a disappointment to him because I never am in the mood. I have been with him for 3 years. Is there anything wrong with me, or anything I can do differently to make me horny more often??

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Honestly, your situation is not a good one. Him feeling like he has to "ask" for sex is not a good thing. He is consistently "hinting" that you are not initiating sex with him and he wants to know if you find him attractive/willing to have sex with him. Is there something wrong with you? Not necessarily. Sex drives are different for everyone, that doesn't make it right or wrong. If, however, you would like to have more sex, but you aren't really "in the mood", perhaps check with a doctor. You could be stressed or even depressed and this could affect your body chemistry and taking some medicine for a few months might help correct that for you.

- Response by ecgjyt, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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you want romance, and he is treating you like a booty call. I'm not surprised you are never interested! look him in the eye and tell him you want romance, and that entails kisses on your neck, back rubs, flowers, whatever makes you go starry-eyed and weak kneed. Tell him if he wants sex, he will have to do this, you are no longer going to give him sex unless he puts in a little effort to make you feel special.

Once he's gotten with the program, and takes care of you, then start giving him sex again sometimes just when he asks. It's not that it's always wrong for him to simply ask for sex, or for it to be a quickie - but there should be a balance, and sometimes he should also put more time and effort thinking of your needs, not just his.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You probably are a disappointment to him. And you just make it worse.

You sound like my wife. And you have about the worst catch21 that I know of. If he asks if you want to have sex, you say no, because the asking turns you off. But on the other hand if he just tries to seduce you, you probably tell him not now, or later, or you are not in the mood and ultimately, why does he keep grabbing you. Been there to all of those.

So, equal frustration for everyone. You want to be in the mood, he wants you to be in the mood, he wants to get laid, you would if you were in the mood, but since you are not, no one gets screwed.

I think that the real key lays in your being turned off by the request. You either have some deep moral issue, where consenting to sex is "bad". But if you could be seduced it would be ok, since you just could not help yourself.

Or you just have a really low sex drive. That was my wifes problem. She sort of felt like it about every other month or so.

If that is the case, there is nothing you can do for it, I tried. The first one might be subjected to therapy, but in my case she would not go.

If I was you, I would try that, and go see a doctor to make sure your hormone levels are normal.

Good luck

- Response by welloone, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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It sounds to me like you have a hormonal imbalance.

If I were you, I'd make an appt. with my OB/GYN and demand (don't ask because if you ask they may talk you out of it due to your young age) that my estrogen, progesterin, and testosterone levels be checked (your hormones).

It sounds to me like your "never in the mood" situation is a physical thing...not necessarily a romantic thing...and if you feel like you're a disappointment to your boyfriend, then this "thing" is beginning to effect your feelings about yourself. That's not good!

Lots of women don't know this, but perimenopause CAN begin in the 20s. This may be what's happening to you...your hormones are out of whack...quite possibly you have early onset of menopause. Only a doctor can diagnose this and only a doctor can prescribed hormones...so, I'd say a doctor's visit is in order. Don't be embarrassed to the the doc exactly what you've told us on this post - 1. I never feel like having sex. 2. I'm not horny often, if at all. 3. This condition is beginning to effect the way I feel about myself. 4. What's wrong with me? I'd like a blood test to check my hormone levels to rule out a hormonal imbalance.

- Response by kiki812, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer

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"not in the mood" yeah it's called ecstasy and I do mean the pill. Quit acting like a shrew.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 26-28

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The fact that he is asking you for sex, instead of never wanting it from you PROVES he is NOT CHEATING on you!!! You have a RARE and HONEST man. YOU need to tease your clitoris with a vibrator, exercise (makes you horny) and eat smaller portions of food to lose a few pounds. Losing weight makes you horny also, because your sex hormones go up. If you don't get yourself all buttered up in the mood SOON, you might lose him to cheating or divorce, not because he doesn't love you (he obviously DOES LOVE YOU very much, or he would have cheated for a long time now). You would lose him because MEN NEED SEX at least 2-3 times a week, minimum. If you are having sex once a month, that won't last long and even though he loves you, he has needs. Since he is obviously an honest man, you could consider trusting him with having safe sex only with other people, if you try exercise and losing weight and still can't get in the sexy mood. Then he can still be your husband and love you, and get his sexual needs too.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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The fact that he is asking you for sex, instead of never wanting it from you PROVES he is NOT CHEATING on you!!! You have a RARE and HONEST man. YOU need to tease your clitoris with a vibrator, exercise (makes you horny) and eat smaller portions of food to lose a few pounds. Losing weight makes you horny also, because your sex hormones go up. If you don't get yourself all buttered up in the mood SOON, you might lose him to cheating or divorce, not because he doesn't love you (he obviously DOES LOVE YOU very much, or he would have cheated for a long time now). You would lose him because MEN NEED SEX at least 2-3 times a week, minimum. If you are having sex once a month, that won't last long and even though he loves you, he has needs. Since he is obviously an honest man, you could consider trusting him with having safe sex only with other people, if you try exercise and losing weight and still can't get in the sexy mood. Then he can still be your husband and love you, and get his sexual needs too.

- Response by thedudesmith, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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