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Why is my man pulling away and so distant?
Sex & Intimacy / 9:21 AM - Saturday January 31, 2009

Why is my man pulling away and so distant?

We have been together for 1.5 years, we dont live together. He is quite a closed off person - who doesnt show his emotions much and can get very stressed due to his job (policeman). However he is like a yo-yo in our relationship. One minute he is talking about moving intogether, spending alot of time with me and my kids, and in contact alot - next minute he is backing off, so distant and grumpy with me and acts like I dont exist. So I respond by keeping my distance - to which i get accused of playing mind games with him. We could be so good together but he is controlling the pace and progression of this relationship and can be pretty mean to me when he wants to. Now we have fallen out and I as confused as hell - he is one of his troughs, pulling away, distant, grumpy and generally down in dumps - so I have arranged to go out tonight to give him some space - and now he has falen out with me and is saying he is not sure about having lunch together tomorrow as he is not sure where we stand with each other and that I am playing games with him and changing my view on the relationship..he couldnt be furgther from the truth. I love him, tell him i love him all the time despite him never telling me back and would love to be with him for rest of my life - it is him that closes off - why do men do that? x

- Asked by aquafoxy69, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I have dated a few cops.... and they were not at ALL like that. This sounds to me like something personal going on with him *bi polar, depression*... you need to watch your self... he is very controlling and munipulative from what your typing that you may or may not see. It sounds like your doing all the right things - so it has to be HIS problem... maybe suggest he get counceling but he doesn't seem the type that would even think anything could be wrong with HIM ... only you. Good luck sweetie.

- Response by ladygodivarides, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Sounds to me like he might be a bit bi-polar or suffer from some other form of mild depression. You are wise to keep your distance, for your sake AND your children's.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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He doesn't have bi-polar. If he did, you'd be seeing other symptoms.

He is trying to control you. When he pulls away, he wants you to come after him. So when you don't do that, he pulls the "I'm not sure if we're right together" card, so you come running back. Unfortunately, many women get used to this and make excuses. He needs to learn to handle thr stressors in his job. If not, he needs to choose a new profession. There are doctors who have people's lives in their hands every day who do not behave like this.

This will be a neverending cycle unless you put your foot down. How can you ever have a positive, fruitful relationship if he bahaves like this? And do you REALLY think he will ever change?

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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Being law enforcement I've had a lot of family/friends in that field so this is a sad and typical affair of most law enforcement once your on that side of the law you start to lose yourself in it you start doubting any good people are left so that maybe where he is at,sounds like he has a very fragile sense of trust so just show him how he can trust you if you want the relationship.You do have two kids and the strain of an unready partner can be devastating also never go in the relationship for the kids always just for you,I know it can get complicated especially once your kids get involved in the relationship and start claiming him for the parental role.So best of luck if you decide this is the relationship you want,and hope he makes you happy in the future.

- Response by windwolf, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Tampa, Other Profession

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I am also involved with a cop. I am so in love with him and it could be the job. The one day he is all ova me and the next he is so distant. I am the clingy type so this is giving me mixed signals. He says he loves me and he makes time for me but i still feel like we disconnecting. I would say it is the stress of the job.

- Response by sharoncactus15, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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Not all men do that. You just seem to have picked a bad apple.

Dump this guy. Seriously. From the sound of things, it's only going to get worse.

(Why are so many smart, good-looking women willing to throw their lives away trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear?)

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Las Vegas, Celebrity

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Sounds like his job is really stressing him out. The police force is also a very macho organization. So, he probably doesn't want to consider there is a problem.


- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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